MAJ

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican to see the Pope. On arrival they were told one of them would be allowed to approach the great man and talk to him. The long straw was drawn by Dopey. Approaching the Pope, he dropped to one knee and kissed his hand. "Tell me, Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican? "No, my son, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican" came the reply. With that the remaining six dwarves started tittering. "Tell me, Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe? "No, my son, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe" said the holy man The other six dwarves started chuckling. "Are there any dwarf nuns in the world? "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns at all, anywhere" With that the others fell about laughing uncontrollably. "Pray tell me" said the Pope "Why are you all laughing?" Together, they all started singing "Dopey sha**ed a penguin, Dopey sha**ed a penguin......"

11900, blondie was almost there, and I'm a cool guy!

A woman went into the vets surgery and asked how much he would charge to look at her parrot. "Fifty quid" he said. So she pulled the parrot from under her coat and laid it on the table. He took one look and declared "Your parrot is dead madam" The woman was aghast, and refused to believe him. "I want a second opinion" she said. So the vet brought in his pet cat, who looked at the parrot, shook its head sadly and walked out. The woman still wasn't convinced, and called for a third opinion, so the vet whistled and his pet Labrador appeared. The dog took one look, shook his head, and walked out. "I suppose I've got to accept that my beloved parrot is really dead after all" sobbed the woman"heres the fifty pounds" " Actually madam the bill is £150" said the vet. "But you told me fifty quid" said the now outraged woman "Ah yes" said the vet "but that didn't include the C.A.T scan and Lab report".

101

I recently saw "local partridge - oven ready - £8 per brace" outside a butchers shop, and a local (national) supermarket is selling the breast fillets of two woodies for £3-99, £2 a bird. I'm still giving woodies away to anyone who wants them, but rather that than waste them. I've recently found an outlet for bunnies, skinned and gutted, £1-75 each. The lady in question sadly only wants 10 a week, but it pays for the ammo. On the subject of game sale and prices, has anyone seen Woodcock offered for sale. I recently got lucky and bagged a brace, and very tasty they were too, but Mrs MAJ couldn't understand my ravings as I told her how sought after they were.

In a hide in a hedge one day, when a pigeon landed in a tree to my right, a good 70 yards away. I judged it to be out of range so left it, hoping it would act as a decoy and bring more in. A couple of minutes later another bird flew in, between me and the one in the tree. I took the shot, and killed not only the flying bird, but also the one that was "out of range". I will straight away admit that this was a fluke, as I had no intention of going for the far bird. Even so, I wish somebody had been there to witness it.

I have had some very productive days on clover, and have always thought that because it is being grown as food for livestock, any pigeons landing on it are fair game.

Fox and beer bourgeois 1lb of fox meat, taken off the bone and diced 8ozs minced pork fat 1/4 pint beer 1 teaspoon mixed herbs 2 bay leaves salt and pepper 8 streaky rashers, de-rinded Marinate all the ingredients except the bacon overnight in the beer. Line a 1 pint terrine with the rashers, keeping two back. Fill with the marinade and meat mixture. Cover with the two remaining rashers and the bay leaves. Cook in a pre-heated oven at 350F / gas mark 4 / 175C for 1.5 - 2 hours. Cool and refrigerate. Keep for a couple of days to let the flavours permeate, and serve as a starter with hot buttered toast.

Paul Try contacting your local game dealer, and see if you can come to some agreement whereby you use his in return for some favour, monetary or otherwise. Also I've heard of one or two shoots who have purchased a machine, so perhaps in return for a days beating or something you could get to use theirs. Unless you're planning on plucking vast amounts of birds, you seriously have to consider the cost of the thing.

Just taken delivery of my new family member, a nine week old Jack Russell called Dennis. He's as sharp as a needle, and game as anything (he can do three circuits of the sitting room hanging on the lurchers tail). He still has a full tail, which I like. I think J.R's look better balanced with a complete rudder. He also has however, dew claws. In the past I have always had these taken off my dogs after seeing a greyhound tear one badly whilst galloping on corn stubble. To have them removed now of course will require quite major surgery, so I'm wondering whether or not it's necessary. Any views, professional or personal (or indeed political) will be welcome as I myself have no strong opinion, I just want what's best for my boy. Incidently, he will be used primarily as a rough shooting companion, flushing brambles, a bit of ratting etc, but will not be entered underground.

What about the hips exercise! Looks like my mate doing his Elvis karioke after a gallon and a half.

I agree with T.C on the coot, and I think the other egg in that photo is either a moorhen or water rail. The picture before that looks a bit like a moorhen too. When I was a kid we used to walk the river banks with a spoon tied to a stick, taking a single egg from each moorhens nest until we had enough to cook an omelette over a fire on the bank. Delicious.

Haven't seen a single one yet. Usually I do alright as we are surrounded by horses, but the ground is still like iron. Had a bumper harvest of black-berries though, and stacks of sloe. A couple of good frosts and I'll be making the sloe vodka. Still shed loads of crab apples on the trees, and plenty of muntjac eating the windfalls.

Sniper The electronic caller was going out at £150 on the day, and £160 if you ordered it to be posted to you. I must say the calls were very lifelike, especially the magpie. I picked up one of their flyers and I'll try to find it as it has their address and phone number on if anyone is interested. I'm pretty certain that it is in Ireland somewhere. I must say that I'm not sure on the legal aspects of it. Can it be construed as a tape? Apparently the sound is made up of syntesised notes. I'd be interested to hear from you legal eagles on this one.

Sam I'm not asking you to give the retailer in Kent a free plug, but if you want to P.M me with their address I'm down that way soon and I'm in the market for some Clear Pigeon. Like you I'm paying about £110 for a thousand, and if I can get them cheaper I will.

I've managed to knock together a swooping decoy by using a set of extending poles, about 5 metres high, two lengths of fishing line, an old fixed spool fishing reel, and a conventional decoy. It works a treat, and can be retrieved easily without you having to leave the hide. Whether it attracts the pigeons or not is another thing, but I intend trying it out this weekend and I'll let you all know. If it works I'll get somebody with a bit of computer know-how to post some diagrams and photos.

Try out this game. It takes a second or two to load, and you will need to click on the English version. Shoot fast and true.......... http://basel.harrier.ch/drivel/escopeta.swf

MAJ is on for a donation. Worth every penny.

My E-mail has been sent, and the word is being spread among my shooting buddies, from all disciplines. I agree with everyone else on this one, we are all shooters, regardless of our chosen quarry or targets. One point I will make, don't take Mr Livingstone for a fool. He's very charismatic, and this congestion charge is being looked at, seriously, by a number of big cities. Where he goes, others will follow.

Blow me! I've gone from good to excellent.

Nothing to say really. Just wanted to make my 100th post to see what happens.

Well, it looks like I'll be there alone on the Saturday. Not to worry, I'll have the now notorious Shabby Shooters Wives to keep me company. Looking forward to spending some hard earned, this being the first show I've managed to attend this year. Did I hear the term "massive discounts to Pigeon Watch members", Deako?

If you can get round the land morning and evening, snares are a safe option. Just carry a 12 gauge with some No4 up the spout to finish the devils.

In the rucksack I carry the usual dozen full body deeks, camo net in the bottom section, secateurs, string, camo paint, flask, wine gums etc in the side pockets. Gun in the slip, with hide poles strapped to the side. Over a period of time I've picked up five cartridge belts (at car boots, cheap second hand p/x's at the local gunshop) and these are full and worn around my waist. In the past I've been caught out with not enough ammo, so now I won't go out with less than 150 rounds. Wearing them in the belts, I'm hardly aware of the weight. This time of year the load is lessened, I don't bother with nets or poles, just gun, ammo, decoys, and an empty sack to carry home the birds. A natural hide I can build in a matter of minutes. The wine gums are carried in my pocket.

As it's a pigeon, and therefore a pest, I would kill it humanely and take it home for the pot, or if too small, ferret fodder. If it were a protected species, I would follow the advice of the R.S.P.B (no I am not a member, but I do read their articles, some of which make sense) and leave it well alone. The parents are seldom far away.