ditchman

46 acorns.......................thats nearly the size of the pigeon....................youre avin a larf surley

i see no pleasure in eating one of them and in the morning...one finds oneself giving birth to a succession of lit RNLI distress flares....

the elves have backed out.......pay and conditions not acceptable.....we have fratically opened cross party talks with the lepricorn union member......but they are asking for extra sparks....so i will have to liase with "el supremo"

he will be doing his Xmas spectacular this year........we are just finalising the contract conditions....

normally you see that model with 2 wheels on it poking out of the gun port on the "Victory"..... they used them things at the battle of Agincourt....

yup that is "big percy"

(i have a management contract with him)......i am also his agent............i will be taking advance bookings for his world tour....."the anvil of hope" gig........... Zapp will be on here shortly.....saying i must state a price as per PW rules....

he be ...'theman'....................the magnificence....the supreme el supremo.....' the grosen -en- prober'......................... give it up ladies and gentlemen......................... iiiiiitttttttssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss BALA ta-daaaaaaaaa.........

he will be here soon...............................

your wish is slowly coming true............no deal is better than a poor deal;...........................and that is on the cards now..

so off go the negociators to the EU parliament to get a vote ...more or less adds up to..."shall we make the UK squeal like a stuck pig some more"...or shall we accept a few points.............. i do hope we are taking notes as to who our friends are ...what countries are voting for us.........so when the time comes....and yes my friends ..it will come as the wheel turns........we may ask them who didnt vote kindly towards us...... to remember their past transgressions................ AND TELL THEM TO BLOODY WELL GET STUFFED....

last year...during the summer in the late afternoon....2 woodpigeons used to waddle into the conservatory if i was late feeding....dogs were funny...they used to look at the birds then look at me as if to say .."what the @@@@ is going on here" ?

there is a bloke who lives and works in Reedham that stocks "exotic" bits of wood...........

was thinking doing it the old fashioned way.....couple of mortars and a mist net............

i feed them once in the morning and then they follow me about the rest of the day...some of them come into the shed........do it mainly for the sparrows as i still feel sooo bad about shooting thousands of them when i was a kid...

the net is made by "playtex"

cant do thin welding anymore...ive told the gas supplier to get stuffed...i have found another supplier but will be a while before i set another contract up....

so thats wot im doing wrong

next time i cut my hedge im going to use a bloody flamethrower.... ...........still got 30m to go yet

top tip..

Well...................this is where the bloody money goes...sparrows and doves......i spread the feed in a long line on the grass every morning and there they are like bloody vultures.. as im laying the feed out in a line on the grass ...two of the doves perch on my back..(they have seen me shoot.. so they aint bove'red) sparrows are doing well this year...........

come on ...get on with it...........

like that...........nice little set up....and wind and rain proof.......... mind you it wouldnt look out of place in "Dc Who"................"the hide men of planet Zog"

i bet he has been busy "bangin'" away all day for us lot........

yup ....thats them........