semi-auto

Have you seen the kami-kazi cyclists in Hackney. Many have a death wish, although with cars limited to 20 m.p.h. perhaps not!

Of course they know who the driver was, but to admit this would mean they have to take action, and this would potentially lead to further strikes.

One of my better days of 200+ saw not one bird decoy on the young rape. I messed around with the deeks trying various patterns, but to no avail. They simply didn't want my field - they were off elsewhere flying very high on the wind. In the end I gave up with the decoys and started trying to hit them as they flew past and over. Missed with the first dozen (probably more) shots before I eventually connected. Once I had the rhythm, it was a bird every few minutes. The field was covered with dead birds. Can't remember exactly how many I took to the game dealer but it was 200+. This farm was at times prolific and it was here that I shot my best ever bag of 328. Sadly the best fields have now been sold to the Woodland Trust.

We were shooting pigeons with my flatcoat, with our backs to a pig slurry pit. I sent her for a bird which had dropped far behind us. She came back with the bird and then went back, for what I thought was another bird. No, I was wrong! She came back covered from head to toe with pig slurry with the biggest grin on her face. I had to walk her back to the farm to hose her off before my mate would let her into the Landie.

I did hear tell, (I believe it was in a book that I once read) that a pike fishing contest was held on the Broads. Two contestants, who were American airmen from a nearby base, were fishing from a boat. One hooked into a large pike, and when they eventually got it alongside of the boat, they were shocked at the size of it, and probably wisely decided that they didn't want it in the boat with them, so cut the line.

I was bullied mercilessly at primary school, by a couple of kids and teachers. As something of a context, my mother was German and this was less some six years after the war. As a young child, I was quite sickly and for some, apart from my heritage, therefore a good target. 'Nazi' was the favourite name calling - that and other less desirable names like 'Gestapo', etc. It often resulted in my going home with a number of bruises. I never told my mum as I didn't want to upset her. It was no good in appealing to teachers, as they were clearly in sympathy with the bullies, telling me not to make a fuss. When I started secondary school, it started again. Lord knows how he found out about my mother, as after my primary school experiences, it wasn't something I readily advertised. I decided, to draw a line, and during the next break, I sought him out and invited him to repeat what he had said. Needless to say, he bottled it and apologised. Apart from one other student, to whom I administered a a thorough beating, I never had any further problems.

Some twenty three years ago, shortly after having moved house, I was doing some work which involved a lot of sawing. Suddenly had this pain in the side, which I thought was a pulled intercostal muscle. Carried on sawing, until the pain stopped me. Thought no more about it, enjoyed a large meal with wine, no more pain. Next day my wife and I went shopping and had piled the basket up high, when suddenly the pain hit again, only this time much worse. I started sweating and simply had to sit down. My wife told me to leave the shopping and go straight round to the GP. I hate shopping and wasn't prepared to leave it, so paid at the till and when we got back to the car, powered up the air con. Forty minutes later I was sat in front of a locum GP, who was without doubt past retirement age. She typed in my details so slowly that I offered to do the typing. "Clearly something you ate," she announced imperiously. "Come back if it hasn't cleared up in a few weeks"! My wife wasn't happy with this and as the pain was really bad, broke all speed limits in taking me to hospital. Strangely enough the pain disappeared the moment I stepped across the threshold into casualty - a bit like the tooth ache goes whenever I sit in the dentist's chair. However, blood tests showed I had had a heart attack. To cut a long story short, three weeks in hospital and two stents later I was declared fit enough to go home. Over the past 20 years, I have had another 3 stents, although I still consider myself a fit 75 year old!. The senior GP partner apologised and said that they would never use that locum again and had it been him I saw, he would have had the helicopter out.

Our broadband connection dropped to 0 on Saturday, and as a result I fet obliged to telephone Plusnet, who after various investigations told me that not only was our connection rated as very good, but that I was receiving 9.5mbps. I told him (it was a him) that according to the speedtest I had just done, it was 0 to 4.5mbps. He told me that he could not account for the equipment at my end and that as far as Plusnet was concerned the speed was 9.5. I added that when fibre was initially installed the speed was around 17 mbps. He was unable to provide any reason why it had dropped. I have been with Plusnet for many years and am reluctant to switch, but Gigaclear appear an attractive alternative.

We were shooting in a deep valley with a river running through. The keeper asked me to send the lab into a field at the top of the valley, where he thought a pheasant had fallen. I lifted the lab over the wire fence and off she wet. Swam the river and climbed the steep valley side. There was now an audience of guns and beaters and my heart sank a little at the thought that the lab wouldn't be able to find the bird. Some minutes later the lab appeared at the edge of the valley with the bird in its mouth. A peep on the whistle and back she came, swimming the river, holding the pheasant clear of the water. A perfect delivery, greeted with a round of applause.

Last time I had a blood test, I asked for a PSA test as well. The doctor appeared, not exactly against it, but didn't appear overly pleased. Anyway the results indicated a score of below 1. The doctor suggested that with a score so low, it was unlikely I would ever have cancer. I was mightily relieved, I can tell you.

Just not as good as it once was. Storylines are weak!

The birds have turned up in this area of Essex in big numbers and are hammering the rape at the back of me. The farmer has had a guy turn up to shoot them on at least two occasions and I have heard no more than one or two shots each time. The lack of feathers around the hide would suggest that he connected with only one or two, if that. The fact that he was in the wrong place (100yards or more from the flight line) and his magnet arms have been flashing like a belisha beacon, probably accounts for it. I'd get out there myself if it wasn't for the fact that my wife won't let me shoot alone since my last cardiac event three or so years ago, even if the farmer were to allow me to shoot. The talk about searching for pigeons reminds me of the time, some years ago, when my shooting buddy (since moved to the USA) and I would do up to 200 miles a weekend in the Landy looking for feeding pigeons. Some times we were lucky, often finding them on our own doorstep on the way back home.

As has been stated, one employs accountants, to avoid situations such as this. They, after all, are the experts on these matters. If, and I say if, the accountants messed up, or Nadim Zaharwi had failed to disclose all relevant information, this is another matter entirely. As tax matters are confidential, I would like to know how the public got to be aware of the fact that he had paid a penalty.

I have used Wuffitt for our Lab since we got him, but they have now closed. Can anyone recommend a good dry food for working labs?

Shortly after acquiring Merlin at eight months old, when out walking one morning, he dived into the undergrowth and came out with a woodcock. He brought it to me and presented it at the sit. I took it from him and allowed to the bird to fly free. Now I hadn't done any work with him at all, and neither had the chap I bought him from. I put this down to breeding and genetics. A couple of weeks later he brought me a rabbit, who objected violently to being picked by the dog. He now knows not to chase or pick up anything I have not sent him for..