Parental Advice Needed

[Fisherman Mike]

My lad is 16, 17 in March. He’s doing is A levels and is an intelligent sort.

He goes out most evenings and weekends to meet his friends some of whom he has had since Primary School, and they are a good lot. Like all teenagers they have a drink now and again and smoke a few roll ups at college, but just lately he has been smoking pot a couple of times and last night didn’t get back home until about 11.30 and the wife and I were worried sick something had happened to him. He came back, eyes glazed and out of it. He has got in with the “wrong sort” a lad whose 4 years older than the main body of friends has a car and is a bit of a “gang leader” figure and Im sure is a source of the pot and booze and is a general nere do well.

I’ve tried to explain the illegalities of it and also that it can easily lead to other things but it seems like water off a ducks back. Question is what do I do ? should I ******* him up hill and down dale, cut off his privileges and ground him or what..?

 

Anyone with any experience of this and would like to advise would be appreciated.

[100milesaway]

To buy dope or pot etc he needs money, if you are providing this then you are financing his habit. Nip it in the bud now. Simples. from Auntie.

[stubby]

have to say, I tried that stuff as a young teenager, mostly to fit in with the crowd, never really got into and stopped after a year or so, Id be prone to say "as long as its not under my roof" as the more you protest, the more it will make him carry on, just to spite you.

tell him, any trouble/police that he gets into regaurding this stuff, then he's on his own, kids need to learn that mum and dad aint always going to be there to bale him out

 

I was like it with both my boys, both now in their 20's and neither smoke, even though I do

[stubby]

To buy dope or pot etc he needs money, if you are providing this then you are financing his habit. Nip it in the bud now. Simples. from Auntie.

 

so teenagers dont share stuff where you live then

[rascal_2005]

RIGHT! lets start the ball rolling.

 

up untill the age of 15 i was a good lad, not an agel but sound alot like your boy! good natured and got on in school!

i got into the 'wrong sort of groupe' and started smoking weed, drinking,smokeing,chaseing girls,rolling in late. but i was lucky to have parants that would talk to me rather than fly off the handle. dont go mad, nor kick up a fuss, just talk to him. i found that if people confrounted me i would shut off or jump straight on the defence and kick off.

dont get me wrong, iv had my fair share of slaps from the old man when i needed them (bringing pot in the house,fighting) but they were all my fault and i see that now.

he is trying to find his feet, hes a baby still. we all end up going through it. let it run its course but watch him. if his pals want a beer, invite em round and watch the fooyty with em at least you know what there drinking. thats what my old man did and we still do that now, the same group of friends.

dont ever think its all 'the wrong crowds' fault if he gets into trouble eaither, i used this excuse all the time but i was just as much to blame!!!!

im still friends with most of 'the wrong crowd' we wormed out the wasters (and there will be some) as we have grown up, 4 of the boys have got there own businesses and 3 there own houses!

so he will grow out of it! but just keep an eye out.

 

im nly 22 mate but i have been through some **** in that time (mostly my own doing)some of it would probaly shockyou. but i wont lay it all out on the forum and i really really do think hes just exploreing himself mate.

 

hope this has helped a lil mate.

 

john boy

[danimal]

pretty difficult to be honest mate! like above keep the amount of cash he has on him to under a fiver and he wontbe able to buy much! try and get him out shooting or something on the weekends to avoid him staying out with his mates smoking weed taking pills etc! defiantely nip it in the bud and if you catch him in teh house call the old bill

[Thunderbird]

And don't listen to anyone 'of a certain age' who says weed is harmless. It ain't what it was in the 60s!

[TJ91]

or go the other way and mek im smoke loads until he throws his guts up :(

 

my uncle tried that with me cousin

it sure stopped him and put im on the right road

[SilentKill]

Just shop the ring leader to the police for supplying your son! (assuming he is?)

 

Its amazing to see some young peoples faces when issued with a £80 first time round to a night in the cells the next time. Its no Fun being treated as a criminal (assuming hes been a good boy till now)

 

just my pennys worth!

 

Drugs are bad and lead to other bad things!

[officerdibble777]

To buy dope or pot etc he needs money, if you are providing this then you are financing his habit. Nip it in the bud now. Simples. from Auntie.

I don't see how this will help,leaving him with no money might leave him vunerable to to his older "friend" leading him into theft as is the case with so many drug users.If this happens it's usually a downward spiral and the divide between both of you will just get bigger.

He thinks what he's doing shows maturity,makes him fit in with an older crowd.What he needs is a proper man to man talk with his dad,don't lecture him,don't get angry and don't raise your voice.Stay calm,try to find out how long he's been off the rails,how much he drinks and smokes,that way you'll have an idea how bad it is.Explain to him the health risks of both,and the legal implications of getting caught,and how it will affect his future.Don't get into this "having a beer at home".You don't want him to think your ok with it.Try to reason with him that it won't be long till he's 18 and will have the rest of his adult life to drink booze,and the weed is definitly a no no.Your biggest task is to find a way to put distance between him and his influences,try getting him involved in some of the things you do,either work or hobbies.The main thing is "stay calm".I really hope you get through this with a good outcome

 

john

[TJ91]

I don't see how this will help,leaving him with no money might leave him vunerable to to his older "friend" leading him into theft as is the case with so many drug users.If this happens it's usually a downward spiral and the divide between both of you will just get bigger.

He thinks what he's doing shows maturity,makes him fit in with an older crowd.What he needs is a proper man to man talk with his dad,don't lecture him,don't get angry and don't raise your voice.Stay calm,try to find out how long he's been off the rails,how much he drinks and smokes,that way you'll have an idea how bad it is.Explain to him the health risks of both,and the legal implications of getting caught,and how it will affect his future.Don't get into this "having a beer at home".You don't want him to think your ok with it.Try to reason with him that it won't be long till he's 18 and will have the rest of his adult life to drink booze,and the weed is definitly a no no.Your biggest task is to find a way to put distance between him and his influences,try getting him involved in some of the things you do,either work or hobbies.The main thing is "stay calm".I really hope you get through this with a good outcome

 

john

 

 

that dont work

...at that age-

he will go to his mates next day

'here lads my dad sat me down last night and said....'

they will have a good laugh and carry on

 

at that age you dont care about what it MIGHT do, and what MIGHT happen

 

at that age its a laugh, you'll never get caught, you dont drink too much, you can handle it

 

well, thats what the all think at that age

[Peoown]

Rascal is right on the money, the louder you shout the less he'll hear. Use your instinct, be a cool dad and he'll respond.....be a **** and he'll just be a bigger one.

[officerdibble777]

or go the other way and mek im smoke loads until he throws his guts up :(

 

my uncle tried that with me cousin

it sure stopped him and put im on the right road

 

 

What would your uncle have done if he died ?

[SilentKill]

What would your uncle have done if he died ?

 

dealing to your own family! have you not been watching emerdale! :look:

[officerdibble777]

dealing to your own family! have you not been watching emerdale! :look:

don't watch emerdale ,but I hear what you are saying.Definitly dealing and should be jailed

[MM]

Oh i could tell you some stories but trust me, he wont want to listen. Your main concern (in my opinion) would be two things. Firstly, anyone who says it cant lead to harder drugs must be readin the Daily Mail. It can and does. Not everybody goes down that route, and most kids will get bored with it. Lets hope he does just that. Secondly, and the older you get the more important this seems, is the legal side of it. If he gets busted for anything at this age, it might stick like mud. If you explain whats what and he wont listen, then go for the killer blow. Bribery. Offer to pay for his driving lessons or something if he stops hanging around with the dopes.

[rascal_2005]

Rascal is right on the money, the louder you shout the less he'll hear. Use your instinct, be a cool dad and he'll respond.....be a **** and he'll just be a bigger one.

 

thanks mate! my old man is like my best pal!

[Mungler]

It's a phase.

 

Alcohol is a "drug", but a legal drug that's taxed. There's been lots of commentary on the legalisation of cannabis and discussion about it being a gateway drug, bad for you etc. The simple fact is that it's no worse than alcohol from a medical perspective but the government can't control it or tax it and so it remains an illegal substance.

 

Have a chat with your boy. As he gets older he will get exposed to all sorts of drugs; some legal some illegal. He has to appreciate that for example, because alcohol is "legal" you don't see everyone who is over the age of 18 walking around 24/7 smashed and drunk off their faces.

 

It's all about personal choice, the right time and the right place and all things in moderation.

 

I would say that 90% of people under the age of 40 have dabbled in some illegal substance in their time. The fact is we don't have that 90% of the population as drug dependant users.

 

I wouldn't let him smoke gear at home though; he will see it as your tacit approval / acceptance. You need to show your disapproval - the "I can't control what you do when you are out, but I am not happy you bringing it home" talk.

 

What your son needs is a job, a mortgage and some bills to straighten him out. Hell, if I was a perpetual student given free money and didn't need to get up every morning to go to work I would be up to 3 a.m. on the bong listening to Hawkwind every night.

[paddywack12]

My lad is 16, 17 in March. He’s doing is A levels and is an intelligent sort.

He goes out most evenings and weekends to meet his friends some of whom he has had since Primary School, and they are a good lot. Like all teenagers they have a drink now and again and smoke a few roll ups at college, but just lately he has been smoking pot a couple of times and last night didn’t get back home until about 11.30 and the wife and I were worried sick something had happened to him. He came back, eyes glazed and out of it. He has got in with the “wrong sort” a lad whose 4 years older than the main body of friends has a car and is a bit of a “gang leader” figure and Im sure is a source of the pot and booze and is a general nere do well.

I’ve tried to explain the illegalities of it and also that it can easily lead to other things but it seems like water off a ducks back. Question is what do I do ? should I ******* him up hill and down dale, cut off his privileges and ground him or what..?

 

Anyone with any experience of this and would like to advise would be appreciated.

I think you may be worrying unduly. You say has a drink "now and again" and smoked pot "a couple of times" its hardly going off the rails.Can you remember back when you were that age!

If he is an intelligent sort as you say he will soon work out this older guy is a bit off a waster who obviously has to hang around with younger lads to try and impress them.

 

Wait till your boy and his mates start driving, thats when you wait up being worried sick until you hear the key in the door, thats what the Mrs and me seem to be doing each weekend at the moment.

My boy is a year older and I have given him the lecture on drugs not read the riot act but spoke to him as an adult as others have already said if you start shouting it will more than likley make them rebel against you.

 

Remember your parents probably thought the same about you at one time !!

[Sprackles]

I feel for you mate, I too have a wayward child except mine is just turned 14 and female.

I got mad with her...nothing happened, nothing changed, I tried softly softly and she let me believe she could be trusted until I let my guard down and bang...off she went again.

She smoked dope, she got drunk and engaged in underaged sex.

She turned up at A&E twice and was brought home by the police on a good few occasions and it got to the point where Social Services became involved....(yours is too old now so that won't happen to you)

 

Heres where it gets serious....the school knew I had guns and wrote a report to the Firearms office, I dont know what was in it, they won't let me see it but suffice it to say, I had unannounced visits for an informal chat followed by a further visit from my FEO who had obtained a medical report without my knowing (on me, not my daughter)

 

I thankfully still have my guns and have since spoken to the FLO at head office who expressed sympathy for my plight and has recommended additional security or removing my guns to secure storage elsewhere but the point is if a 14 year old can cause this level of concern then a young dope smoking male mixing with unsavoury young adults might be viewed as more of a threat than a young girl.

 

The trouble with children is they dont all respond in the same way and there is no magic formula that works, much the same as you can crack a joke with 2 different people, one might laugh and the other take offence.

All the agencies involved with my daughter, Youth Intervention program, Substance team, Social services and Family liason have been unable to modify it.

I have to limit her access to cash, monitor her calls and internet and operate a strict lockdown policy when Ii know there are parties going on.

 

This started a year ago and hopefully has started to subside. I and others think it may just be she grew up too fast, last year she was a chubby little schoolgirl then virtually overnight shot upwards and oputwards developing bumps and curves which attracted a lot of attention that she wasnt mature enough mentally to handle.

 

The most common advice I have been given up to date is to do what you can to limit exposure then hold on tight for a bumpy ride until they get bored.

[Scully]

Not easy this,and I feel for you.I must have put my parents through hell when in my teens,to the point where my Dad threatened to leave home if i brought the Police to the house once more!It didn't work,unfortunately,and I think I just grew out of it....shooting took over,and I realised that if i wanted to shoot legitimately,I had to stay within the law.

I have kids of my own now,the eldest in her teens,and I just know it's all heading my way,and drugs are so prevalent nowadays,and I'm starting to sound just like my poor old Dad.All you can do is advise,I'm afraid..don't scream and shout(even though you want to)it wont work and may drive him further away.You could ask him why he's doing what he's doing,is he unhappy,has he got problems?It's not easy growing up in todays society,but you say he's an intelligent lad,and we've all got to go through it..and while it's easy for me to say this,I think you'll probably find he just comes through it on his own,a lot wiser for the experience.Just be there for him,as I'm sure you will be.It's not easy being a teenager,but being a parent is no bed of roses either,so don't be too hard on yourself either..there are no set rules.

[gsm1968]

[b]If he is an intelligent sort as you say he will soon work out this older guy is a bit off a waster who obviously has to hang around with younger lads to try and impress them.[/b]

 

A lot of good advice given, but this would be my concern.

A few beers and a bit of pot he will survive.

A high speed crash with a testosterone filled kid showing off to younger lads while at the wheel will only end in tears. I would explain your concerns for his saftey first.

[bi9johnny]

don't want to get too involved with this post but what i will say is my stepson who is a fantastic polite careing person aged 23 has just had his 2nd stint in hospital because of using too much skunk and resin and paranoia set in big time...this lad has never been in trouble and due to the side effects of pot he is now on very severe mental health drugs for life he has tried to kill himself and came to my house to try and kill me thinking i was a fake and the real me had been murdered by the church people in his mind....my advise is try try try to establish a level ground with your son and do not let this **** take control of him and to those people in this world that say it does no harm i say **** yourself ...

regards

and good luck

[jmooney]

I don't advocate yelling but firmness. I got through my youth without drinking a drop or taking one puff of weed and I expect my children to do the same.

[Mrs Sweepy]

If he wants too do it then he will

And nothing you do will stop him

Your just got too hope he sees sence before it gos too far.

most do.

 

try not to let it come between you and your son because if he do get involved heavy in the use of drugs. Then

at some stage their will be a cry for help. And if so make sure its you that receive it.

xxxxSuzy