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nderfel

amusing stories

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thought I'd share an amusing shooting story with you good folk.

 

Was shooting a permission on a dairy farm, the farmer had recently sown a load of grass and clover (I think) and its crack to the flying rats, they just cant say no.

 

A lovely sunny day and after observing the flight lines set myself up in a nice thick hedge, put out the decoys and waited.

 

After not too long the first birds came in, 2 in the back and a hideous miss, its at this point that things started to go pear shaped.

 

Now the dairy herd are used to shooting, they ignore it but even so I would never shoot near the herd, anyways they were no where to be seen when I set up so happy days.

 

Or it would have been happy days if some bright spark hadn't left a gate ajar between their field and the one I was shooting, queue a herd of very unhappy cows (with calves) come malleting down the field towards me at Mach 1.

 

Ok not a major problem, I'll just quietly pack up, flap my arms a bit if I have to and find another spot except they don't stop coming and as they cross my decoys are doing that sideways prance snorting thing that the wife does when I tell her I am going shooting again.

 

At this point I decide its best to leave fast, through a large thick bramble hedge and barbed wire fence and just clutching my shotgun and not a lot else - when they finally calmed down and I managed to retrieve my kit the decoys had been stamped in the ground, my hide had been seriously chewed and a particularly evil beast had crapped all over my flask, plus I was covered in scratches and my jacket was ripped to pieces.

 

Motto of the day, check the gates next time!

 

Anyone got any similar anecdotes?

 

Cheers

 

Nick

 

 

 

 

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Returning from a wildfowling trip in the dark in an 8ft dinghy. Ran aground on a mud bank. No problem I thought, I'll get out of the boat and shove it off into deeper water. Stepped out of the boat into 6 inches of water and 2 ft of mud. Fell over and chest waders filled with freezing water. To make things worse, with my weight out of the boat, it re-floated and started to drift away. Lunged at the boat and grabbed the transom. So now I'm laying in 6 inches of freezing mud and water hanging on to the back of the boat. Eventually managed to extract myself from the mud and climb over the back of the boat and get back in. Poled myself off of the mud with an oar and got going again.

Back on the shore I was seriously cold so stripped off all of my gear, wrapped myself in a blanket and had the car heater on full blast for 15mins to warm up. Didn't fancy putting my wet clothes back on so drove home in my shorts and a blanket.

You can imagine the newspaper headlines if I'd been stopped on the way home "Semi naked man covered in mud found with shot gun and dead ducks". He claimed to be a wildfowler. Currently being held the in cells awaiting arrival of psychiatrist to assess sanity.

On a serious note. Could have been nasty if the boat had got away from me 1/2 a mile from the shore!

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Just for the fun of it a friend and I occasionally shoot out corvid nests in the spring with my muzzle loaders - we usually use my DB 10 bore (1.5 oz of shot) or single 6 bore (2.5 oz or so of shot).

 

We came across a magpie nest in a large holly bush. It looked like a world war 2 blockhouse.

 

"Right Ade - mash it with the 6 bore" I says.

 

Now I had forgotten to bring my wads with me, so we were using scrunched up newspaper for wadding....

 

Taking careful aim he let fly at 15 yards, whereupon the magpie flew off the nest with it's rear end severely scorched.

 

Not so the nest, which caught fire with the wadding. It was quite a large conflagration, and took some time burning out believe you me!

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Ferreting on my own a lot of years ago on a cattle farm 3 very large bullocks were making a bee line towards me, I am used to cattle as spent most of my childhood on farms so I hopped over the 4 strand barb wire fence with the ferrets into the ditch.

These 3 were straining to get at me and when one post cracked I threw the ferrets over the other fence grabbed my long graft and whacked the lead bullock over the head a few times scrambled up the ditch grabbed the ferrets and left...

I told the farmer and he said oh those 3 are a bit lively..retrieving my nets, bag, and bill hook the next day never to return.

 

TEH

 

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Some good ones there chaps. My other favourite is from a mate who was out shooting with his dad, they were sneaking through the woods when then came face to face with a gaggle of duke of Edinburgh scheme girls all squatting having a pee, I don't know who was more scared.

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Years ago when i was about 9 /10 i was decoying with a bloke who worked with my dad he had to go back to his car to get his flask and said if one comes in have a go so off he went ,i was sitting on an old stump my feet were about 18in 2ft off the ground and as a couple came into the decoys i jumped down to grab my gun. But on the way down the back of my wax coat got hooked on a short piece of branch sticking out the stump i was on leaving me hanging there barely on tip toes unable to get off ,it was only a minute or so before he came back with the flask and when he saw me just ****** himself laughing at me dangleing there. Think i would of struggled to get off if i had been on my own.

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Once had a couple of doggie walkers shouting and clapping hands at dead bird decoys, until I stood up in a hide about 6 feet away and inmformed them that they had strayed off public footpath. The pair nearly had a bowel movement and beat a hasty retreat uttering some obscenities or other about 'bird watchers'.

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I'll set the scene....me 15 years old in a pigeon hide when approached by the landowners delightful 20 yr old daughter and friend both on horses.

 

she-can i ask what you're doing?

me-shooting pigeons with permission from the landowner

she-good stuff

me, noticing her horse had frothy sweat down its neck and around the mouth 'have you been riding it all morning-he's got quite a sweat on'

she-well wouldnt you have a sweat on after half an hour between my legs.

 

me-speechless as she rode off never to be seen again.

regards

fuddster all sweaty.

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Shot at a couple of duck rising out of a reed bed with an 11 bore Bland muzzle loader, wadding the usual Daily Mirror as we didnt have or know much 70 years ago.

 

Result was reed bed on fire and missed the duck, happy days

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Was out on a small farm a couple of years ago which can only be described as the roughest most useless ground anyone would wish to have. All of the area is left to the cattle except for the electric fence surrounding the farm buildings. During that summer the farmer had electric fenced off a section which was mostly surrounded by wall with a small opening leading to a dirt road which ran the length of the ground. The electric fence stopped about 80 yards up the road. In the pen was the bull, a cow and a calf which I was told to be weary of as she is protective of the new born.

 

'No bother' says I as I proceed to skulk my way behind the wall so she won't see me and make my way on to the track. I checked the line of sight was broken by the wall and off I went on my merry way.

 

I got about 20 yards up the path before the ground started shaking and a noise of thunder started beating at my back. I looked at the dog briefly, just catching it made a quick jump for a wall as I turned to see the smoke snorting beast at full tilt heading right at me. I turned back to see what might be my only relief which was a 4ft tree stump about 2 steps away. As I made for this sanctuary (praying it wasn't rotten through!) I slipped as the cattle trodden mud gave way under me and I landed on the floor with open gun in tow. The gun would have closed was it not for the webby bit between my thumb and fore finger getting trapped between the barrels and the reciever as all my weight landed on it. Didn't get a chance to feel the pain as I jumped up to turn and face what now looked like 4 tons of impending beef and slobbers about 6ft away and still going like a train :bye2:. I don't know why but that monster decided to slam the brakes on at just about the same time I thought about lightening my own personal load and skidded to a halt within touching distance. It about turned and went back from where it came from. I got the gun and legged it over the nearest fence. The dog just looked at me in that way that they do when you have done something stupid and I'm sure they know you did.

 

Wasn't until later that I realised I had dropped the lead from around my neck as I was flailing about on the floor and went to the farmer to see if he could retrieve it. 'No bother' he says as he walks up to the tree stump without a care and picks up the lead. The cow came up to him and I'm pretty sure it licked him before he came back with it and said 'Aye she's a bit fussy that one'. I now have a greater appreciation of electric fences.

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I was wearing particularily thin shorts whilst out with the airgun in the summer doing a early morning rabbit and pigeon ambush on the edge of the landowners woodland, had me a nice bag and was walking back to the car. (wearing a camo jacket and hat/veil with shorts, look a plonker but was nice and airy).

 

Landowner is in the small paddock mucking out her donkeys and horses and we wave and she beccons me over to say hi.

 

I as I'm climbing over the electric fence catch my dingly danglies on the electric fence and proceed to jump 3 foot in the air dropping my gun, game bag and falling onto my backside into the donkey pat. She is a typical older land owner who gave me a very odd "why are you on the floor you imbecile" look.

 

I also threw a squirrel at her once whilst swinging it by it's tail gently whilst chatting, tail broke off and ended up lobbing a dead bleeding squirrel onto her nice clean jumper.

I also fell asleep in the stable room after a dawn shoot and managed to scare the life out of her when she opened the door and saw me there slumped over the table at 7am.

 

Whilst learning pigeon shooting, I thought I would (Terry will vouch for this after my wildfowling nap) - have a little shut eye whilst a friend was shooting away at what came into our pattern. He thought under my sunglasses I was awake but resting and he hit me and said "Yours" and I jumped up, saw a landed pigeon feeding and blasted it. It was a full body decoy and the live one turned and flew off to my utter disappointment.

 

Perhaps I need a different hobby!

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