Fisherman Mike Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) If you follow your Logic then Fenboy...by the same token those wounded in Afghanistan and Iraq should give themselves a slap for joining the Army...surely they knew what the health risks were.I would quit while you are behind Edited February 17, 2015 by Fisherman Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hedge Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Interesting topic which is being discussed by people who have all had different experiences in life and are probably not going to agree with each other. Fenboy - I think that you are trying to say that you have little sympathy with people who take the **** and use `stress` as an excuse for `having a bad day`. It can and is used out of context a lot. I do think though that you did appear to make a sweeping generalisation that has quite rightly offended some people. I see your point but possibly not the most subtle delivery Pernod - I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering. The reasons/causes are irrelevant - it's not nice. I wish you well with that. The good news is that your sense of humour is intact. Always a good sign. Stress/anxiety/depression is a massive subject and call fall under physical and mental health with a very long list of triggers/causation and "treatments/remedies". I'm sure we have all had different experiences either personally or with loved ones. It's cr*p. No-one has the right to determine another person's state of mind. For some people it is `having a bad day`, but lots of bad days lead to bad weeks/months and so on. Stress can lead to anxiety (or the other way round) and then a potentially slippery slope to depression etc. Doesn't matter how `strong` you are, if you can't see a way out it's suffocating. How do you tell the difference? I don't know. I'm not an expert but stress/anxiety/depression can be medical conditions, call it an illness or disease if you like. Tell someone who is bipolar to sort themself out; they wouldn't know where to start. They didn't ask for it or even create it - It can be crippling. We all handle `stress`, bereavements, family issues, health, money etc differently, it can sometimes be a combination of factors (too many things going wrong at the same time). Do some of us feel sorry for ourselves once in a while? Yes we do. Are we all able to `pull ourselves together`? Sometimes we can or sometimes not. We all need support and have different coping mechanisms/strategies. This is a massive subject and the word `stress` can be used out of context but the underlying factor is if someone cannot cope, they need help before the situation manifests into something potentially worse. Sorry for the essay but lets respect each others own personal experiences. To the OP - professional help ASAP - GP's aren't the best and may prescribe or refer to specialist. Getting to the root of the problem and developing a support plan will help. Best wishes to anyone who is affected by this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenboy Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 If you follow your Logic then Fenboy...by the same token those wounded in Afghanistan and Iraq should give themselves a slap for joining the Army...surely they knew what the health risks were. I would quit while you are behind Now you are being the Idiot Mike . I was just using them as a example of people who probaly have more reason than many to feel down but carry on best as they can and make something of their lives, of course there are many the same on civvie street. You are correct about me quitting while behind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett1985 Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Brett , I am very sorry to hear what you have been through I really am , but I would ask you the same question as I asked Kyska , have you never worked with someone who you knew was just using it as a excuse for some time off ? Being effected in such a bad way as you were would you not feel agrieved that they have just used it as an excuse to miss work / claim benefits . to be fair, i dont know anyone that has used it as an excuse but im as sure as the sky is blue that people do and i know that you were edging towards that point in you original post. yes, i would be agrieved if i thought someone was faking it. mostly due to it being more insensitive than anything else. my post was aimed more towards the generalisation in your post, hence the comment about wording it better. as i said earlier, im not angry or upset by what you posted, i just wish you had worded it better. Edited February 17, 2015 by brett1985 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mick miller Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Oh, I forgot to mention. The early signs of stress for me were horrendous bouts of IBS. Something I've never suffered with before or since. If being bent double in a toilet at 3am (or indeed any other random time of day) crapping through the eye of a needle isn't a 'physical' manifestation of stress I don't know what is? I was so concerned I had tests for bowel cancer and various other things. transpired it was just the job that was nearly killing me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnphilip Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 im not going to hate on you as plenty of others have started doing that in response to this post. however, it takes a lot to understand why people suffer so badly from stress and depression, and it affects different people with different severitys. i was signed off for 6 months with stress related depression. to look at me at the time you probably wouldnt have thought that there was anything wrong with me. i looked fine, but i was broken inside. i couldnt handle day to day working life, even the smallest amount of stress would send me into either a rage or tears. nothing i could do about it. i have never been workshy, hell, i hate taking holiday. i worked from the day i left school until the moment that my depression kicked in. and the cause? 2 years previous to my 'break down' i had endured watching my 5 month old daughter die in front of me. i gave her CPR for 15 minutes while waiting for an ambulance and couldnt save her. my then partner was understandably a complete wreck after this, so rather than deal with it myself i supported her instead. the following 18 months untill we split up saw me become a victim of mental and often serious physical abuse at the hands of my ex because it messed her up so badly. i had ashtrays smashed over my head, cut with a knife and hit with various objects. eventually, after she cheated on me for the 3rd time, i walked away. 2 months before we were due to be married. 6 months after i walked away, something inside me just stopped working. it was almost as if dealing with her had kept me going, and when i stopped, i broke. as i previously said, i was off for 6 months. i was paid SSP for the whole time. and do you know what? i deserved that money. i have paid much more in taxes in my life than i claimed in that 6 months. and i seriously fail to see how looking at pictures of wounded soldiers would have made an iota of difference to my situation. it certainly wouldnt have helped. and after all is said and done with this post, im not angry or annoyed at what you said fenboy, unlike some others will be. i just hope this makes you realise that sweeping statements such as the one you posted, are not always as sensitive as they should be. think before you type. (or word your posts a little better) i found your post very moving, why because i have been there myself . i lost my job due to it . due to not been able to do my job.some time later was told by the doctor i had M.E. twenty years on i have learnt to live with it . good days and bad days .what did happen to me was it changed me and i think for the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenboy Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett1985 Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) i found your post very moving, why because i have been there myself . i lost my job due to it . due to not been able to do my job.some time later was told by the doctor i had M.E. twenty years on i have learnt to live with it . good days and bad days .what did happen to me was it changed me and i think for the better. yes! totally! the whole thing taught me that im stronger than i ever thought i could be. im of the view now that whatever life throws at me will never be as hard as what i came through in that dark time. we are the lucky ones though... Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. wouldnt worry about it. were all human! lol Edited February 17, 2015 by brett1985 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. I'm not offended, kudos to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranfield Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Fortunately , I have never suffered from stress, or depression, but I have had personal experience of those that have, in two cases with tragic outcomes. It is not something to be taken lightly and genuine sufferers need every sympathy and understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kes Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. We have all been one of those at times, you have made a generous apology - that should be more than enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett1985 Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) being completely honest, i just needed the time to get myself together and come to terms with what had happened. i surrounded myself with friends and made sure i stayed away from any 'triggers' like stressful confrontations or arguments. it was exactly 7 years ago i returned to work and ive been fine since. edit: i still tend to steer clear of confrontations though. Edited February 17, 2015 by brett1985 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m3vert Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) deary me Fenboy, just type in the words "I cocked up and made a mess of my initial post, sorry" Edited to say well done Fenboy! Your post came up after I had responded. Edited February 17, 2015 by m3vert Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnphilip Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. you have eaten your words and have been man enough to say you were wrong , fare dues to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linny Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Not advice as such , but I think anyone taking months off work for such things should be shown graphic photos of our wounded from afganistan and Iraq , then they should be asked *** they have to be stressed / depressed about. There are far too many people who use it as a excuse for a few weeks / months on the sick. That is hilarious, it really is. For a start, and with all due respect to those in the armed forces who get wounded in Afghanistan and Iraq etc,they voluntarily put themselves in a position of great risk by first joining the armed forces. You don't find many, if any, wounded squaddies bleating on about being shot up. They knew the risks when they volunteered. Showing pictures of someone with traumatic amputation wont make a bit of difference to someone genuinely suffering from depression, anxiety or stress and simply shows your ignorance of the subject. To the OP, the level and type of treatment varies dependant on what the underlying causes are, and in my case simply talking to my GP about it worked wonders as I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me until I did. I was hyperventilating but didn't know why and thought I was going insane and having a heart attack to boot. Depression, anxiety or stress can be very subtle ailments as even though there can be one (or many) underlying causes, the symptoms can creep up on an individual very slowly so the sufferer isn't actually aware that there is something wrong at all until they simply cease to function, as in my case. The thought i may lose my tickets by seeking help didn't even occur to me; I just wanted to get better. I was prescribed beta blockers which made me feel so high and indestructible I never took anymore after the first dose. Very scary. Edited to add my apology also, for jumping on Fenboys initial post without first reading the entire thread, when I would have become aware of his retraction. Edited February 17, 2015 by Scully Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rimmie Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I have had bouts of depression a couple of times, and have suffered with anxiety for years, it ruled my life for 3 odd years, I didn't even go out the house. I had another bad spell last year, and had to leave my job, which I only took as there was nothing else about ( I was working 90+ hour weeks, which triggered it off again) I wouldn't wish those years on my worst enemy, absolute hell !!!!! but over time you learn to deal with it and control it. I course of anti depressants, really helped and I am taking a low dose again now. with breathing exercise etc..... you learn to live with and ignore it. IF ONLY IT WAS AS EASY AS ''PULLING YOURSELF TOGETHER'' I WOULDNT OF HAD TO WASTE MY EARLY TEENS, AS A RECLUSE !!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperfection Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yes perhaps I need to read up , but can you honestly say you have never known anyone or worked with anyone who you know is taking the **** and using depression / stress as the excuse , it seems to stop them working but has no effect on any other part of their life . I've never known anyone to have claimed stress to get time off work. Regarding depression and stress. My mother had clinical depression and in the early stages she hid it very well from everyone. However,she eventually committed suicide so with this in mind-would it not be prudent to edge on the side of caution and go easy on people who claim to have it? Im not telling you this for anyones sympathy,but just so you know not everyone is telling lies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashman Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Are you suggesting that clinical depression is a figment of imagination? That a sharp slap would 'bring you out of it'? I was going to suggest this. In the style of "Airplane's" hysterical passenger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisherman Mike Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ok guys my final post on the subject , I think I have derailed Docs thread enough . I am man enough to say I have got things badly wrong here and have taken a far to simplistic view as suggested, and perhaps I need to think a little harder before opening my (mouth) fingers . So to those I have offended I apologise , and those that are currently suffering I wish you well . And finally Pernod you are right , I am a idiot. If you can meet with triumph and disaster .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flynny Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I was signed off with stress for four weeks once, to be honest it was a life saver, at the time I was working for a huge and well known American firm, managing a team of six designers. The stress of the daily, 80 mile commute up and down one of Britain's busiest motorways coupled with the pressure of constantly having to deliver the same or more in less time and for less cost eventually got to me after 5 years. I'm not a very emotional man but found myself rapidly becoming so, unable to sleep, couldn't see a way out (usual family and mortgage commitments). Those four weeks gave me time to reevaluate my life and priorities and realise that I didn't need to be someone else's cog to earn a living. I managed to negotiate an exit plan and went freelance, that was nearly ten years ago and I've never looked back. Stress is very different from depression, and people deal with it differently. In my case it just wore me down until I could no longer cope with it, no need for medication, just enough breathing space to revaluate things. good reply pal, thats life im afraid,(kids ,work,mortgage etc etc) Some can hack it and some cant, its how you deal with it that matters, ATB Flynny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
la bala Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Slightly off topic, did anyone have any questions asked on there first renewal, about their stress. Mine was work related stress, and was always put down on my renewal applications, FEO has never ever mentioned it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett1985 Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 yep. got questioned on my application. i explained what happened, and that i hadnt taken any medication to help (got over it on my own) and they were fine about it. i think that so money people must suffer with it at some point or another that they (devon and cornwall) seem to use a fair bit of common sense with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Gosh you would have to be a damned good actor to fake depression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Slightly off topic, did anyone have any questions asked on there first renewal, about their stress. Mine was work related stress, and was always put down on my renewal applications, FEO has never ever mentioned it. I declared it, eventually, (it's a long story) and everything was fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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