Family fall out over wedding

[Scully]

A 16 year old boy use to go on an annual fox drive arranged by the local farmers and some Army officers, it covered woods, farmland and a number of disused chalk quarries in the area.

Farmworkers, squaddies and other locals formed a large group of Beaters, armed with many noise making items, including Army "flashbangs".

Being a good shot, he was lucky enough to be one of the few guns chosen to be placed in the "hot spots", that the foxes would be driven towards.

 

He had an elder sister that regularly got engaged to a different boy every few months and had a complicated love life.

She announced one Summer that she was going to get married (having recently got engaged) , something she had done before, but it had never happened.

However, this year it did happen and the Saturday she chose coincided with the Fox Drive.

The 16 year old asked his mother if he could still go to the Shoot as it was so important and he could join the wedding at the Reception late afternoon.

His mother said he couldn't go, but that morning he left the house before daylight, his grandmother was lighting the fires and shook her head at him as he took his gun and headed for the local farm, to wait for the others to arrive.

 

He went on the Fox Drive, shot a few foxes and had a great day.

He rushed home, washed and changed into his school uniform (his best clothes) and ran to the Village Hall where the Reception was being held.

As he went to enter an uncle blocked the door and told him that his mother had said he was not allowed in the Hall.

So he went home to bed, knowing that his mother wouldn't wake him and he would just have to take his punishment the next day.

 

On the Sunday his mother was not very well and so he got a lighter version of what he was expecting, but knew it wasn't the end of the matter.

When his sister called at the house to collect some items before they went away on "honeymoon", she refused to see him, or accept an apology.

 

She moved from the area and eventually went to live in Scotland.

All this happened 53 years ago and we have never spoken to each other since.

 

Wow; how sad. I know you'll probably still blame yourself but you shouldn't really. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but as children we all have different priorities. My kids have made me aware of that many times over.

[Royboy]

A 16 year old boy use to go on an annual fox drive arranged by the local farmers and some Army officers, it covered woods, farmland and a number of disused chalk quarries in the area.

Farmworkers, squaddies and other locals formed a large group of Beaters, armed with many noise making items, including Army "flashbangs".

Being a good shot, he was lucky enough to be one of the few guns chosen to be placed in the "hot spots", that the foxes would be driven towards.

 

He had an elder sister that regularly got engaged to a different boy every few months and had a complicated love life.

She announced one Summer that she was going to get married (having recently got engaged) , something she had done before, but it had never happened.

However, this year it did happen and the Saturday she chose coincided with the Fox Drive.

The 16 year old asked his mother if he could still go to the Shoot as it was so important and he could join the wedding at the Reception late afternoon.

His mother said he couldn't go, but that morning he left the house before daylight, his grandmother was lighting the fires and shook her head at him as he took his gun and headed for the local farm, to wait for the others to arrive.

 

He went on the Fox Drive, shot a few foxes and had a great day.

He rushed home, washed and changed into his school uniform (his best clothes) and ran to the Village Hall where the Reception was being held.

As he went to enter an uncle blocked the door and told him that his mother had said he was not allowed in the Hall.

So he went home to bed, knowing that his mother wouldn't wake him and he would just have to take his punishment the next day.

 

On the Sunday his mother was not very well and so he got a lighter version of what he was expecting, but knew it wasn't the end of the matter.

When his sister called at the house to collect some items before they went away on "honeymoon", she refused to see him, or accept an apology.

 

She moved from the area and eventually went to live in Scotland.

All this happened 53 years ago and we have never spoken to each other since.

A sad story but I really enjoyed reading that !

 

Did she stay with the same bloke or get divorced ?

Edited June 2, 2016 by Royboy

[team tractor]

A 16 year old boy use to go on an annual fox drive arranged by the local farmers and some Army officers, it covered woods, farmland and a number of disused chalk quarries in the area.

Farmworkers, squaddies and other locals formed a large group of Beaters, armed with many noise making items, including Army "flashbangs".

Being a good shot, he was lucky enough to be one of the few guns chosen to be placed in the "hot spots", that the foxes would be driven towards.

 

He had an elder sister that regularly got engaged to a different boy every few months and had a complicated love life.

She announced one Summer that she was going to get married (having recently got engaged) , something she had done before, but it had never happened.

However, this year it did happen and the Saturday she chose coincided with the Fox Drive.

The 16 year old asked his mother if he could still go to the Shoot as it was so important and he could join the wedding at the Reception late afternoon.

His mother said he couldn't go, but that morning he left the house before daylight, his grandmother was lighting the fires and shook her head at him as he took his gun and headed for the local farm, to wait for the others to arrive.

 

He went on the Fox Drive, shot a few foxes and had a great day.

He rushed home, washed and changed into his school uniform (his best clothes) and ran to the Village Hall where the Reception was being held.

As he went to enter an uncle blocked the door and told him that his mother had said he was not allowed in the Hall.

So he went home to bed, knowing that his mother wouldn't wake him and he would just have to take his punishment the next day.

 

On the Sunday his mother was not very well and so he got a lighter version of what he was expecting, but knew it wasn't the end of the matter.

When his sister called at the house to collect some items before they went away on "honeymoon", she refused to see him, or accept an apology.

 

She moved from the area and eventually went to live in Scotland.

All this happened 53 years ago and we have never spoken to each other since.

It's never to late

[winnie&bezza]

A sad story but I really enjoyed reading that !

Enjoyed reading it aswell until they end bit ruined it. Really thought it was someone you knew of. As already said, any person in their right mind would forgive a 16 year old boy.

[Vince Green]

When my great aunt, who is 95, dies there will be the most almighty row in our family. She has no children of her own but she has four nieces. Two of the nieces think they are in line for an inheritance but they are not. She cut them out because they never lifted a finger to help her, never visit her etc.

I am her executor, its me who will get the flack. Money and family don't mix

[buze]

I left home when I was 20, told my mom that if she didn't change, I'd never see her again. And I didn't! She died a handful of years back, and I didn't mourn her. I still curse her name now and then.

She was a cat lady. I grew up with nearly 20 cats, smelling of cat **** for all my childhood, and having to live with that as I was going to school etc. She also didn't send me to the dentist as she should have as I was a kid, and I'm still paying the price of /that/.

 

Something I discovered a while back is that she was such a good parent that she forgot to 'declare' me when I was born... So legally, I was an orphan of the state until i was 25 (long gone from home) when she realized it as she was trying to get her state pension. I discovered that when I asked for a birth certificate while renewing my passport; the clerk didn't know it was even possible to do that.

 

Some families are tight (my in laws are wonderful) and some aren't -- you don't make that choice really.

[Fuji Shooter]

I left home when I was 20, told my mom that if she didn't change, I'd never see her again. And I didn't! She died a handful of years back, and I didn't mourn her. I still curse her name now and then.

She was a cat lady. I grew up with nearly 20 cats, smelling of cat **** for all my childhood, and having to live with that as I was going to school etc. She also didn't send me to the dentist as she should have as I was a kid, and I'm still paying the price of /that/.

 

Something I discovered a while back is that she was such a good parent that she forgot to 'declare' me when I was born... So legally, I was an orphan of the state until i was 25 (long gone from home) when she realized it as she was trying to get her state pension. I discovered that when I asked for a birth certificate while renewing my passport; the clerk didn't know it was even possible to do that.

 

Some families are tight (my in laws are wonderful) and some aren't -- you don't make that choice really.

 

Jeez you had a time of it.

[keg]

Thanks for all the comments. they have made me feel better. The door is always open, it has to be because of our elderly mother.

 

I think because he has dragged stuff up from so far back, it's a deep seated issue, Mum think it comes down to jealousy ( god knows why)

 

He has always blown hot and cold through his life, he's now trying to drive a wedge between me and mum, telling her that he does more for her and that if it was up to me, she would be in a home in 6 months.

 

I find that amusing as he has called her the most evil woman in the world, that she P**ses him off and can't stand to be in the same room as her. I could go on.

[Cranfield]

My sister remarried two more times, in the early years it mattered a bit to me, but eventually you forget and move on.

Like most childhood stories there were lots of side factors around my story.

We lived in a very isolated rural environment with my grandparents, dad left home when I was three and my life was hunting, shooting and fishing.

I skipped school to follow fox and otter hunts, stand round wheat fields being cut, setting snares and helping my grandfather who was a shepherd.

When the fox drive event happened I was actually 11, but I changed the age to 16, so as not to attract any holier than thou comments about an 11 year old being allowed to use a 12bore shotgun on a fox drive.

I left school at 16 with no qualifications, got a job as a clerk/typist (couldn't type) , ended up owning the company, sold it and retired at 52 and have reverted to my youth.

[keg]

When my great aunt, who is 95, dies there will be the most almighty row in our family. She has no children of her own but she has four nieces. Two of the nieces think they are in line for an inheritance but they are not. She cut them out because they never lifted a finger to help her, never visit her etc.

I am her executor, its me who will get the flack. Money and family don't mix

Bang on Vince, and this is what is behind my brother's actions i think. She gave him her second to last car, he was expecting her last car ( had to stop driving because of eyesight) I told her to sell it and put the money in the bank and get a new TV. That didn't go down well.

 

He was desperate to stop full time work and it suited mum for her to help in the afternoons, he gets nearly 1k a month which i am fine with if he was doing what was agreed but he isn't. Despite all the abuse he has given her, he still wants to work for her because he doesn't want to work full time.

 

We have also been painted as villains because the wedding is in Italy, mum hates flying so it's been suggested that they drive down from Yorkshire to Tuscanny. I have advised against this and the other half of the family think i have done it deliberately.

 

She is 85, has all sorts of health problems including bowel issues, one lung so sitting in a car for 3 days, not knowing where the nearest facilities are and this is always assuming that she can get medical insurance.

 

Is it me or am i being unreasonable?

My sister remarried two more times, in the early years it mattered a bit to me, but eventually you forget and move on.

Like most childhood stories there were lots of side factors around my story.

We lived in a very isolated rural environment with my grandparents, dad left home when I was three and my life was hunting, shooting and fishing.

I skipped school to follow fox and otter hunts, stand round wheat fields being cut, setting snares and helping my grandfather who was a shepherd.

When the fox drive event happened I was actually 11, but I changed the age to 16, so as not to attract any holier than thou comments about an 11 year old being allowed to use a 12bore shotgun on a fox drive.

I left school at 16 with no qualifications, got a job as a clerk/typist (couldn't type) , ended up owning the company, sold it and retired at 52 and have reverted to my youth.

Good for you, despite a tough childhood, you have turned out into a well balanced hard working individual.

[fitz]

Interesting topic as we were at my cousins wedding this weekend. My dad has quite a big family, 3 sisters, 2 brothers (1 deceased) all well into their 70's all had families of their own so there were loads of cousins to speak with. There was obviously something wrong with the dynamic as there was a divide between them all. As with all family they fall in and out of relationships, but nothing came to a head.

 

I'm getting married this year, the only people coming will be my dad and his wife, and the in-laws. None of my siblings or Liz's siblings are coming and neither are any of the kids. We want something personal and intimate, so we're semi-eloping. I'll tell the rest of the family after we are married. They will get over it. After working with them for 17 years, I'm quite looking forward to having zero stress and agro.

[keg]

It's been interesting just how many people have had similar issues.

[Chris Bb]

My wife & I are both only children so can't understand this brother/sister love/hate thing.

 

Just because you were born to the same woman why should you have to especially love each other?

 

My father (one of two) fell out with his sister and my mother (one of two) fell out with her sister. So, I don't see much going for this fraternal business.

 

I have two cousins I've never met and one who I haven't seen for over 40 years, can't say I miss any of them. My wife had one cousin who tragically died early but she didn't see him apart from at Christmas when he was alive.

 

Families? I can live without them.

[Mungler]

Blimey Cranners, most men and boys have complicated relationships with their mothers / other women in their lives but that's a winner.

 

Who did your sister marry and did the marriage last?

 

I guess your mum was probably more relieved to get your sister off the books and was probably looking to impress the in laws and your lack of attendance reflected badly. That being said I don't get the blocking you from the reception / further contact etc. That just seems like an overreaction and unnecessary. I guess no one ever crossed your mother?

[keg]

Weddings seem to bring out the best/worse in families and emotional decisions that are so far off the scale...

[dougall]

you are a long time dead.........family takes a mammoth amount of effort and doing the right thing over dealing with friends.I guess some choices are difficult but family takes effort and sometimes alot of compromise.......overall have been lucky especially after reading some of these experiences!!

[leeds chimp]

I go out of my way for my old man... few things brought home how important he is... also got a younger brother who I hardly speak to as he has hardly ever worked and just milks my old man for money which I hate as he has never really worked ever

[Thunderbird]

 

I think you have to ask yourself 'if he/she wasn't my brother/relative/whatever, would I want to be associated with him or spend anytime in their company?'

 

If the answer is 'no', then that *is* the answer.

 

 

Agreed.

 

Don't fall out with your family, adopt strategies for coping but always leave the door open. Don't say what you think just nod and let it go.

 

 

To a degree yes, the 'smile and nod' approach can work, but if someone is so toxic that each and every moment with them is a massive emotional drain, sometimes enough has to be enough.

[shaun4860]

Both my parents are deceased,

 

I have 2 sisters and we all get on great, Xmas is always in issue but not in a fall out way, they both have families and ask me round, I always say no as they spend it with THEIR families and I just don't see it as being any of my business, I strongly dislike Xmas anyway and prefer to spend it on my own doing and eating what I want, over the years they have come to accept this but still bloomin ask.....

 

It's sad reading some of these stories but also understandable,

 

[keg]

I go out of my way for my old man... few things brought home how important he is... also got a younger brother who I hardly speak to as he has hardly ever worked and just milks my old man for money which I hate as he has never really worked ever

This is part of my issue, it's not the amount of money he takes, it's up to mum but ultimately he shows no respect, hasn't even called her mum for years, but by her first name and just takes her for granted.

[Thunderbird]

Some people seem to have the approach that as long as they put their hand in their pocket paying for things it then gives them carte blanche to treat people exactly how they like.

 

Life doesn't work like that as far as I'm concerned. If money is the only thing tying people together then best to cut loose and make your own way in life.

 

Some things just aren't worth it.

[keg]

And it's her money he's taking, She gives him 4k to pay off his car loan, then he expects her to help pay for a hire care because the new one he bough is too small!