ditchman Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) Many of you have read over the seasons....about my dealings with "Garry the QC Barrister" who lives uo Burnthouse road in the expensive new houses.... i wont go thro the last few years of doing his mower....but in short he is the tightest person of unkown parentage i have ever come across......anyway he has done it again....i have let him try and turn me over yet a bloody again........ He had someone deliver his mower cause something else has broke on it..(been telling him for 4 years it was stuffed....but no ...he is not ready for a replacement one yet).. So like a fool i mend it yet again...and out of the goodness power wash it...sharpen the blade...(as he uses it to cut the weeds on his gravel...i poop you not)...and mend the damn thing... Damed if im going to take it back ...he can come and get it if he wants it.......soooo and hour ago he stomps up thro my gates hobbling along on a pair of NHS aluminium crutches !....."oh christ ere we go i thought"...i knew straight-a-way what his game was...(he had a hip op' 5 years ago ...and i see him reguralar like walking colins gundogs 3 times a week....SO THERE AINT NUTTIN WRONG WITH HIS DAMN PINS OK ?)... So i bids him good day...and told him the mower was ready for pickup......"oohhh , he says..."could you be awfully kind and drop it off when you are passing "......so i said yes ....knowing full well he is a lazy ***......."how much do i owe you" ?.............."tenner i says"....so he heaves his heaverly pregnant walet out of his back pocket.....once again it is STUFFED with £20 notes.......( i knew we were going to be attacked with the "havnt got the right change thing again".....aannnd yup....i was right... "afraid i only seen to have a fiver.............................! " "stone me Garry...you could pay half the National debt off wit what you have there" "well it must look like that ....but i seem to have run a bit short recently........as you know my dear brother recently passed away..(him and his bruvver...used to go on holiday to Thailand twice a year together every year)............" and i had to urgently buy some property with the resididual estate" "will you take a fiver" ? "NO"........"i do have change so give me a £20....." "are you sure ...not too much trouble ?" " THE STORY IS NOT FINISHED YET....ALL BLOODY OVER A £10 BILL FOR MENDING A MOWER.......THIS IS ME LIVING THE DREAM" now bear in mind oh PW's....he has / owns 2 bloody great office blocks in the city....and loads of rental flates in Lowestoft...HHmmm So i go to the landrover and sort out £10 in small change..... put it in a plastic bag , and told him to count it.....he wernt happy....only scum carry coin so i pry the £20 out of his hand and tell him i will offer a delivery service free....so he hobbles off...trying to hold one half of his trousers up with t6he weight of the change.....i watched cross the road....stop....drop a bit leg gas...a squeaky one.....then when he was passed the conker tree....gathered his NHS crutches together and STOMPS off to his 4X4 round the courner....throws the crutches in the back and drives off...... bloody self abuser this people is my life....think yerself lucky............ Edited July 23, 2017 by ditchman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saddler Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) Drop his mower off sharp-like & bid him a good evening..... And by sharp-like I mean hoof it out next time your swinging past his gaff doing 60 knots, give it the elbow as you practice a hand-brand turn. Extra points if it bounces more than three times before coming to rest in his 4x4's windscreen! Edited July 23, 2017 by saddler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subsonicnat Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Just charge him £20:00 Every time,,Win,Win.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
la bala Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Your all heart ditchman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saddler Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Just charge him £20:00 Every time,,Win,Win.. Nah Tell him things are tight pre-Brexit Up the ante to 50 per job. Guineas mind. No wonder the titewad ain't binning the bobbins mower at them repair prices! Get amalgamated to KwikFit & watch him have a long overdue coronary.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted July 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Nah Tell him things are tight pre-Brexit Up the ante to 50 per job. Guineas mind. No wonder the titewad ain't binning the bobbins mower at them repair prices! Get amalgamated to KwikFit & watch him have a long overdue coronary.... smart thinking bub....i will do the brexit fandango moove on him next time......................(look im cheap..i like to help folk in the village....but just bear in mind ...just a service at Acle mowers is £69.00...........im just a bloody idiot, and cant stop myself) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biketestace Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Your story has made me realise that im not the only, soft in the head muppet out there Thank you, made my day that has....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clakk Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Wowser,s my old firm charged 27 quid an hour 21 years ago mr Ditch wake up n smell the coffee your villager,s are taking the pee and extracting a lot more .You should be charging 20 an hour and you,d still be doing them a favour it,s a lot of H n N Fields that extra tenner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Oh the Norfolk life eh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyefor Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) Your story has made me realise that im not the only, soft in the head muppet out there Thank you, made my day that has....... Oh the Norfolk life eh! Unfortunately this is not limited to Norfolk. I work for mere millionaires and some billionaires and they are tight as a proverbial ducks back passage. Some time ago I had one guy ask me how much we had made on one particular commodity trade and I refused to tell him as I had not done the final figures. When he pushed for an immediate answer as he "had to go in to a meeting NOW" I gave him an estimated (high 6 figure) figure. 3 minutes later I realised that was a gross number and had not deducted my commission so so I called him back. No reply - and no reply for the next hour. He finally called me back and when I clarified the figure he said "don't ever tell me I've made $900,000 when still I owe you $6750" ( a massive 0.0075%). "Tell me I've just lost nearly $7K" - and then slammed the phone down. Next time he called to repeat the business I told him to Foreign Office. It doesn't have to be a lawn mower. Life is too short to deal with tw4ts. Edited July 23, 2017 by Eyefor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Amen to that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted July 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Oh the Norfolk life eh! yeah.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oowee Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 It's a different world full of different people down your way. Mower service here cost me £400 and every repair is at least £50 plus parts. How far are you from here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted July 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 It's a different world full of different people down your way. Mower service here cost me £400 and every repair is at least £50 plus parts. How far are you from here? Ride on mower is about £300 quid.......the small ones the push and powered ones are £69.00....clean...plug....oil.....extra for drive belt and air filter Your story has made me realise that im not the only, soft in the head muppet out there Thank you, made my day that has....... no thank you... ...im not alone .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moose man Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Just had my small mower serviced , plug , oil , sharpened bit of a clean nothing major ...£80 ..the strimmer has just gone in that needs a service and a new carb( apparently) there won't be any change from a hundred quid ...wish I lived near the ditchman , life would be so much cheaper ... Throughout my entire working life it's always been the case the wealthiest people expect the finest service for the cheapest price ..work for ordinary working people , do the job right and draw your money , work for the richest do the job then wait or struggle to get your money ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted July 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Just had my small mower serviced , plug , oil , sharpened bit of a clean nothing major ...£80 ..the strimmer has just gone in that needs a service and a new carb( apparently) there won't be any change from a hundred quid ...wish I lived near the ditchman , life would be so much cheaper ... Throughout my entire working life it's always been the case the wealthiest people expect the finest service for the cheapest price ..work for ordinary working people , do the job right and draw your money , work for the richest do the job then wait or struggle to get your money ... carbs dont break............new gasket kit re-build for yer average strimmer.....£15-20 quid............its just "they" cant be bothered.....new carb....cost £50-80 quid............often on your budget strimmer its not the carb...its the mixture screws........they are never set proper...they work loose... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panoma1 Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 I think I would rephrase the title to, he screwed me over again, as opposed to "he screwed me again" lol! And remember....it's much harder for someone to screw you, if you don't bend over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alan barrett Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 I think it would be worth my while driving to Norfolk to get my mower serviced from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biketestace Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) no thank you... ...im not alone .. Welcome Edited July 23, 2017 by biketestace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 He's a lawyer, what else would you expect? Nowadays I only deal with nice people, if anyone mucks me about, they are off my customer list. The world is full of nice people, so why tolerate the idiots at our time of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countryman Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 The mans obviously tighter than a ducks, but I liked the way you told the story. I could picture what you were saying. Did bring a smile to my face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 I wish I'd had you service my Volvo and do a few jobs on it when I was in Acle just over a week ago. I'd have give you more than a tenner as a thank you tip. Round his next bill to fifty quid next time. Tell him any rubbish about what you've done to fix it. He will make that in a few minutes in court. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB1 Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Im going on a Broads holiday next week, and will be stopping at Acle overnight; mind if I bring my lawnmower? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Kb1 I can recommend the fish and chips in the Bridge Inn at Acle, also the new in Horning best steak and Stilton pie I've had in a restaurant. Don't go to the pub at ludham bridge,food is awful, much better food kings arms at ludham village short walk from moorings at Womack staithe. Had a great week on the broads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mice! Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 Sounds like a new business idea to me ditchman, although you probably don't want it, go to Norfolk for your hols and get your car/mower/wife serviced while your away 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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