Marriage question for you all

[Pigeon Shredder.]

Which year was it when you married her and how much does she weigh now?

He didn't say he had married her, just that she was a good one after spliff or two.

Please keep up.

[mattyg1086]

I am 30 and she is 29 we have been together since I was 15 and married for 8 years. We have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. You are right she should be able to do what she wants but I don't have to be happy about it. Maybe I have a stupid view of what a wife is or should be right or wrong that's how I feel and that's been ruined now. I always liked the fact that she was not like this and I felt that I was marrying above myself which made me work harder for things that I felt we should have for our family. This is not the only problem that we have we are probably different people now that when we were younger but I don't know what questions to ask to find the problem and how to fix it. We don't do things that I hear our other married friends talk about sex life being only one of them. I cannot stand smoking I find it very unattractive in a woman and she has changed my opinion of her now which I am very sad about. I wonder Wether she will be encouraged to try something else next or wet her I will still be able to be intimate with her now after this. When I found out Saturday night we had a row and I shouted I am disgusted with her and have slept on the sofa since. Hope I have answered all your questions. She says it's no big deal she just wanted to try it and she didn't like it. I don't know if she is saying that because of how I reacted or if she is going to do it again Im lost at the minute I've never been with anyone else and have no desire to

[billytheghillie]

She said she didn't like it, theres your answer mate, pick your dummy up and put it back in the pram.

[Alpha Mule]

As BillyTG says, however: have you actually looked into what that variety of drug actually does?

There are many schools of thought on this one.

When I was younger I indulged, fairly regularly, but I don't think I've grown too many sharp corners. I haven't indulged for many years, I no longer smoke ciggies either. I don't like the smell or taste of it when I'm kissing someone.

 

It is often cited as a medicinal remedy - albeit an illegal one most of the time.It is seen as a panacea in many medical circles, but demonised in others.

 

If this is the main issue you have after 15 years mate, I'd swallow it and move on. I've split from wife #3 - I'm 57 and live on my own in a miner's cottage and see my kids at the weekends.

 

There is a lot worse in a marriage, than an experimental puff.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Alpha Mule

[Mice!]

Might well be she was just letting off steam, my kids are same age ish as yours and there hard work day in day out, I imagine she does most of the house work, probably thinks there is lots of things you could/ shouldn't be doing, I know my misses does and she's happy to tell me 😄

 

Think you might have got carried away I'm sure there are much worse things people find there other halves doing.

 

Don't fuel the fire, suck it up and move on.

[team tractor]

I am 30 and she is 29 we have been together since I was 15 and married for 8 years. We have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. You are right she should be able to do what she wants but I don't have to be happy about it. Maybe I have a stupid view of what a wife is or should be right or wrong that's how I feel and that's been ruined now. I always liked the fact that she was not like this and I felt that I was marrying above myself which made me work harder for things that I felt we should have for our family. This is not the only problem that we have we are probably different people now that when we were younger but I don't know what questions to ask to find the problem and how to fix it. We don't do things that I hear our other married friends talk about sex life being only one of them. I cannot stand smoking I find it very unattractive in a woman and she has changed my opinion of her now which I am very sad about. I wonder Wether she will be encouraged to try something else next or wet her I will still be able to be intimate with her now after this. When I found out Saturday night we had a row and I shouted I am disgusted with her and have slept on the sofa since. Hope I have answered all your questions. She says it's no big deal she just wanted to try it and she didn't like it. I don't know if she is saying that because of how I reacted or if she is going to do it again Im lost at the minute I've never been with anyone else and have no desire to

My ex was 19 , as said already we have 2 kids but by the time she was 26 she'd walked out saying I was boring . I worked and she didn't in the end,

My kids were 2 &. 5 but I worked 60+ hours a week and paid all the bills.

We fell out over her smoking in the end and she left for another bloke. He dumped her a week later lol.

It took me 3 months to see my kids and £3000 at court/solicitors.

My partner now was 18 when I met her and I was 30. Age is just a number I've discovered. She people just never grow up.

I dated a 50 year old for a bit and she was like a 15 year old and immature .

Edited August 22, 2017 by team tractor

[Sian]

I do feel you are genuine in your angst at this whole episode but this is one thing she has done that you feel so strongly about that has so deeply changed your opinion of her it would be a great shame to throw away your relationship and family life on one thing. Marriage is hard work at times even when you love each other. You met early in your lives and have grown up together. I can relate to that I met my husband at 16 and am now 51. We first lived together at 21 having bought our first home and you do go through change as you evolve as individuals. You either fight to get through this crisis or you don't. I would take time to evaluate what you have, how you can make that stronger and envisage a life as a single person and TALK, not blame, not judge, not demand and be honest about how you feel. Staying on the sofa isn't the answer. Sex lives suffer for many reasons, young kids, work/life balance, money worries, forgetting that you are more than just parents, how you feel about yourself in terms of actually being physically attractive, taking the time to make time for each other. It's easier sometimes just to let it slide even though it creates a problem and then it's hard to go back to how you were. Decide if you want to move forward, you removed yourself from the most intimate area in your house so you hold the key. We all go through some really carp times in marriage but if you want it to work you need to meet half way when you face these challenges.

[Alpha Mule]

An example of worse:

"Darling, we've been together since I was 15 and you're the only man I've been with. I'm curious to see what other poeple do. Would you mind if I ask another bloke to join us, just to see what it's like?"

 

Puts a puff of a spliff into context.

 

Harsh, but I've been in a situation that's not that far off it - and that's a marriage wrecker.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Alpha Mule

[mattyg1086]

An example of worse:

 

"Darling, we've been together since I was 15 and you're the only man I've been with. I'm curious to see what other poeple do. Would you mind if I ask another bloke to join us, just to see what it's like?"

 

Puts a puff of a spliff into context.

 

Harsh, but I've been in a situation that's not that far off it - and that's a marriage wrecker.

agreed if that happened to me I'd say crack on and just walk out the front door in the clothes I was standing in. I worry that this is something she has never tried before and wanted to what else is there

[Zapp]

The best way to find out what else there is will be to carry on freaking out.

 

Time for a proper grown up chat between the two of you.

[figgy]

This.

 

What would your view be is she came home 6 pints to the wind after a night out with the girls? [bearing in mind that a spliff is just another route to 6 pints or thereabouts].

 

If your reaction is the same then I'm afraid the Stepford dream is over for you. Indeed, I doubt it's the "smoking or the drug thing" but more her doing something which she would have known you would have disapproved of, but went ahead and did it anyway.

 

I really just can't see how her having a toke with her friends automatically means game over for your marriage unless there is much much more to this. Indeed, if that's all you have to worry about in your relationship....

 

 

You should try and relax. Get some old Bob Marley vinyl out, get down the garage for a stock of Pringles and Mars bars and get your Mrs to roll you one - if she rolls a perfect Camberwell carrot then you'll know it's not her second one :lol:

.

pictured her sat on the sofa watching Cheech and Chong with a big coney all mellow, camberwell carrot.

 

Trouble you have is if you can't see past this it's over.

[Sian]

The best way to find out what else there is will be to carry on freaking out.

 

Time for a proper grown up chat between the two of you.

 

This is what needs to happen.

[figgy]

Search for "Crazy hot matrix" on YouTube for more on this.

If she has a her very own mood swing in the front garden, she's definitely not a unicorn when I showed my wife it she had to agree with where hairdressers sat in the matrix, most women are like the British weather you can never forecast a good spell as it could turn stormy in a heartbeat.

[Pistol p]

Get yourself away for a long weekend alone and see how you feel. It happens to everyone now and again. I often get the ache with my missus ( we're not married, but been together for 25 years ), but I simply can't afford to be without her in so many ways.

[JimLondon]

matty, your mrs came home and told you what she'd done, and that she didn't like it. Does she have more trust in your relationship than you? you may be right to be angry, but angry enough to end your marriage/relationship?

I think your mind was made up before "spliffgate" and if you genuinely want out then out it must be. Yes there's kids involved, but kids pick up on stoney silences and moody parents, and that doesn't make for a happy life for them. When parents are at loggerheads, kids seem to think they've done something wrong.

You may have fallen out of love with your partner but do the right thing for them, wether that's stay and try and make it work, or bail and start again.

 

I've been with Mrs london for 30yrs and believe me some of them have been rocky.

[Me matt]

I laughed out loud at that.

 

Good darts sir.

Funny isn't it? But also true...... She wasnt a fatty- she was a honey, she left after I stopped buying crisps 😂😂

[Gordon R]

Posts by Zapp and Sian sum it up for me.

[ShootingEgg]

What did she say when you discussed it with her ?

If you haven't, then that should be the first thing you do.

Exactly what i was thinking, have a grown up conversation about it, ask her why she did smoke it, but not in a your in trouble kind if way, just a civilised conversation about the night out and how it came about. Most people will have tried weed then never touched it again..

[nobbyathome]

Matty sleeping on the sofa is not the answer it's the easiest way to put a bigger wedge between you I met my wife when she was 16 and I was 17 we have 2 grown up kids and are happy but when I was younger I had the opportunity to race motorcycles and took it I did it for 8 years and loved it and still do but to be honest I treated my wife pretty bad the kids were babies and I was out every weekend having fun and we argued all the time and we nearly split up but in the end we both knew we loved each other and worked it out as I said earlier marriage isn't all fun it's hard work but we'll worth it you have 2 kids to look after don't wreck their lives for the sake of a spliff your mind must be all over the place at the moment it's good that you have us pw to turn to but talk to her not us.

[Bluebarrels]

Maybe you should have a joint yourself,sounds like you need to chill out!!

And no I don't do any form of illegal substance,but believe me there's much more to worry about in this world than a puff on a joint,suck it up and move on mate before she moves on!!

 

You sound like a right laugh!!

Edited August 23, 2017 by Bluebarrels

[Mungler]

I actually think this thread is so bizarre I'm now thinking it's a wind up.

 

I had a conversation with a mate who was over the side and it went like this...

 

So, you're Mrs isn't the end of the world to look at, is good with the kids and round the house and tries hard to please you.

 

Now imagine busting everything up in half, having no spare money at all until the children hit 18 or leave higher education and imagine seeing your kids every other weekend (maybe) and them calling someone else dad in two or three years time.

 

When you get the marriage scales out and have a weigh up, I hope your 'disgust' with her having a spliff with her mates is worth it all.

 

I'm afraid that from what I've seen, when 15 year olds come together and marry they often don't end up having the range of relationship experiences as others - I'm not saying that's about getting notches on the bed post but about experiencing life and other relationships generally and having a maturer / more realistic approach to how life and relationships work.

[spandit]

I had sex once, it was nice.

 

People change over time, children give you different priorities and you're never going to be the frisky teenagers you once were. Neither of you have had any other experience aside from each other and it's no wonder she might be looking for stuff to relieve the inevitable boredom. Talk to her about it and if necessary go to couples counselling. Remember, nobody marries a bitch from hell, they all start off sweet and innocent

[krugerandsmith]

My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers but the last few years I guess we have been slowly changing. She smoked weed at the weekend with her friends and I am disgusted with her for it I never thought shed do that and I liked the fact she hadn't and was inoccent of these sort of things. I've been on the sofa since and wondering wether to leave or stay I cannot stand women who smoke it's so unattractive. Am I being stupid? Should I stay? I'll always love her but this has turned me right off her now oh and just to make it more complicated we have two children together

 

 

Answer.

You smoke weed and you will both be Happy.

[Twistedsanity]

its about balance, do you not do anything she isn't happy about ? Think that leaving her will create a positive outcome for either of you or the kids? she's having a spliff or two and clearly not keeping it secret, would you prefer she went out, got hammered and came home projectile vomiting claiming memory loss once a month? Have you ever smoked a spliff? Life should be an adventure not a race to get to the other end as intact as possible. If you believe the propaganda that cannabis is nothing more than an addictive gateway drug then you must believe 70% of the adult population are secret heroin addicts by now as well

[Guest stevo]

Hahahaha

 

This has got to be a wind up. If not after reading your post. I don't blame her 😂