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Marriage question for you all


mattyg1086
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Ask yourself "If I won the lottery,Would I stay" ,

Loads of couples that have been together since being teenagers split up when they get older.

One or other of them thinks they have "missed out" on going a bit wild with their mates.

One thing to remember............Life's too short.

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Make some lists.

All the good things about your marriage.

All the bad things about your marriage.

Even the little things as it is often them that make or break.

 

List what you will gain from a break up and what you will lose.

List what you hope for the future by staying or going.

Be realistic and list what the future might hold if you stay or go.

 

Try and assess if your behavoir has always been good and resonable in your relationship as well as your Wifes. Remember a marriage is a partnership and like a business has to be worked for. No one owns more shares in this business its a 50/50 split. No bosses and workers in this business all have to do their share and be equal whether their working in the home or working outside the home

 

Having it all written down might help stop your head going round in circles and give some focus. Its difficult to do and its easier to critise others and ignore our own faults.

Good luck.

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Make some lists.

All the good things about your marriage.

All the bad things about your marriage.

Even the little things as it is often them that make or break.

 

List what you will gain from a break up and what you will lose.

List what you hope for the future by staying or going.

Be realistic and list what the future might hold if you stay or go.

 

Try and assess if your behavoir has always been good and resonable in your relationship as well as your Wifes. Remember a marriage is a partnership and like a business has to be worked for. No one owns more shares in this business its a 50/50 split. No bosses and workers in this business all have to do their share and be equal whether their working in the home or working outside the home

 

Having it all written down might help stop your head going round in circles and give some focus. Its difficult to do and its easier to critise others and ignore our own faults.

Good luck.

 

Great advice!

 

My relationship is very similar to yours Matty, got together as teenagers and now late 20s with 2 young kids. Few months something really small and insignificant happened (so much so i cant remember what it even is) and i just woke up looked at the good lady there dribbling away on the pillow in the most unattractive set of disney PJs you can imagine and i just thought why am i here? I was an **** for weeks and got myself worked up allowing every little thing she did wrong (in my eyes) bother me, thinking this is not the person i fell in love with. Long story short i realised i either had to change my attitude or walk out, i opted to change my attitude and a lot happier for it. As i drive a lot with work i had a lot of thinking time so did everything above in my head. It made me notice a lot of stuff i had taken for granted before.

 

I was away with work for a week and one night was in a lovely hotel with amazing food but i was on my own and even though i had all this going round in my head i still thought the only person i would want to come sit down and join me is my wife...then it clicked.

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Great advice!

 

My relationship is very similar to yours Matty, got together as teenagers and now late 20s with 2 young kids. Few months something really small and insignificant happened (so much so i cant remember what it even is) and i just woke up looked at the good lady there dribbling away on the pillow in the most unattractive set of disney PJs you can imagine and i just thought why am i here? I was an **** for weeks and got myself worked up allowing every little thing she did wrong (in my eyes) bother me, thinking this is not the person i fell in love with. Long story short i realised i either had to change my attitude or walk out, i opted to change my attitude and a lot happier for it. As i drive a lot with work i had a lot of thinking time so did everything above in my head. It made me notice a lot of stuff i had taken for granted before.

 

I was away with work for a week and one night was in a lovely hotel with amazing food but i was on my own and even though i had all this going round in my head i still thought the only person i would want to come sit down and join me is my wife...then it clicked.

Brilliant spot on post. 👍 Edited by winnie&bezza
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It sounds like you've been together from an early age and the relationship has gone a bit stale. Most of us have been there and now she's listening to her friend's and feels like she's missing out.

Anyone can get stuck in a rut but now it's time to get out of it.

Plan some day trips ECT, anything to break the manotity of life. Even simple things like a picnic with the kids or a day at the beach.

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It sounds like you've been together from an early age and the relationship has gone a bit stale. Most of us have been there and now she's listening to her friend's and feels like she's missing out.

Anyone can get stuck in a rut but now it's time to get out of it.

Plan some day trips ECT, anything to break the manotity of life. Even simple things like a picnic with the kids or a day at the beach.

 

This ^^

Relationships take work, YOU have to put the effort in too, if you dont try, why should she ?

Maybe shes done this to give you a wake up call , to shake the tree as it were.

Maybe you have become complacent to her ,shes spoken to her friends, and realised this ?

You say you are 'disgusted' with her, well maybe her intention was to get some kind of reaction from you, to see who you are these days.

Maybe its her thinking of leaving you ?

You sound like a man who has that old fashioned sense of a wife being something of a possession, you cant get away with that these days.

You seem worried about what other people do in bed, trust me 99% of it is fantasy and wishful thinking, with a liberal sprinkling of watching too much porn..

Like many have said, imagine life without her and the kids, those kids that she made for you.

This is YOUR wake up call ,not hers.

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This is going to sound harsh especially because you sound like a nice guy, but it's what comes to mind!

You sound like you have complex issues and whilst wifey conforms to your every desire things in your eyes seem OK; But being she has broken the mould so to speak, you are giving her the cold shoulder and waiting for her to come grovelling back.

I think you need to think very hard about how you handle this, because she could end up asking you to leave!!

Maybe your wife just wants to have some fun? Whilst that might not be your idea of fun, why not try to introduce something you both enjoy? Do you have fun? More importantly, does your wife have any fun in her life with you? Does your wife have more fun with her mates than she does with you? try answering that to yourself, but then ask her as well!

Only you know the answers, but you need to try and look at your marriage from her perspective.

Something to consider, just because you're a good husband doesn't necessarily mean your wife has a happy marriage!!

Edited by Cosd
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Loads of great advice above.

 

My thoughts are do you two talk a lot about anything and everything? I don't talk to my wife about work as it bores her (bores me sometimes as well to be honest), but we do talk about everything else. When your in the habit of talking all the time everything is on the table, including grievances with each other. This came about when we had had a blazing row about something (probably something I had done or not done) and we agreed that we needed to talk more and not keep things from one another.

 

I can understand your feelings know she has had a puff but she said 'it's no big deal she just wanted to try it and she didn't like it'. Job done. Trust is the key. If she says she don't like it then thats it, she's drawn a conclusion that its not for her and you need to trust that. If a puff on a spliff has upset you can you hand on heart say you have not done something to upset her and she's just not said anything ie. you've come home x number of pints worse off or something like that. I have and my wife has too. We just get on with it. My wife used to smoke and gave it up. There have been time she's smoked on a night out with friends but she's told me and Ive been annoyed, I haven't ended it with her. Pier pressure is strong.

 

It sounds like communication generally is lacking. Easily done I know as it happened to us but talk talk and talk some more, doesn't matter about what but just talk. Trust her, she's the mother of your children and the woman you fell in love with. No point scraping it all for a joint. If you loved her enough to marry her and have kids this bump in the road should be easy. I have had some blazing rows with my better half and we're still going and we haven't had to call in the marriage councillor yet :good:;)

 

Good luck chap, like above this shouldn't be a marriage ender unless its the straw that breaks the camels back. Have a chat and be honest with each other, stop sleeping on the sofa and move on.

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Not read all 5 pages..

 

She sounds like she's up for new experiences, embrace it! Some people are also that innocent through their childhood they rebel a little later i'd be supportive rather than unapproachable on such matters.

 

If there are deeper issues and troubles we are unaware of then i understand it as another thing on a long list but in isolation i'd just talk to her about it to understand why she did it fun or boredom.

 

She could be bored herself and looking for new experiences if she doesn't have any hobbies and you're out shooting etc. hard to say without knowing the dynamic of the relationship.

 

Walking away is the lest step of the process, this alone doesn't warrant that though imo however we are free to make our own decisions.

 

We live in a different world, even i've had a 'toke' and i've never really smoked or drunk throughout my life minus the drink at parties and family occasions, it's harmless imo and a one off if it developed into a major habit i could understand the issue with having children etc.

 

She put nobody in any harm, probably had a giggle and came home to a tapping foot.

 

I hope you sort out your differences and everything works out for you :good:

Edited by evolution380
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are you seeing a side of your good lady that has always been there ?....a person i know who is involved in the gamekeeping world had a similar problem...but had 3 children....DNA tests proved that only 1 of them was his.....apparently when he was out late at night fox shooting....she was being rogered sensless................

 

you never can tell eh !.............

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are you seeing a side of your good lady that has always been there ?....a person i know who is involved in the gamekeeping world had a similar problem...but had 3 children....DNA tests proved that only 1 of them was his.....apparently when he was out late at night fox shooting....she was being rogered sensless................

 

you never can tell eh !.............

 

 

............ and where were you when he was out fox shooting?

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............ and where were you when he was out fox shooting?

 

 

wernt me guv'ner...'.onest.......................but i will tell you that is very much a true story...happened about 4 years ago..................he went from the sublime to the ridiculous...

 

 

kicked her out then went onto "plenty of fish.com"...........found this bloom who wanted it 3 times every night....ended up with a warning from his boss as he was late for work and his eyes were like pee holes in the snow ... :lol:

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are you seeing a side of your good lady that has always been there ?....a person i know who is involved in the gamekeeping world had a similar problem...but had 3 children....DNA tests proved that only 1 of them was his.....apparently when he was out late at night fox shooting....she was being rogered sensless................

 

you never can tell eh !.............

 

That's very funny in a twisted way :)

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Was she a stoner? ;-)

 

 

if she is the girl i think she is...she is very tidy...........but the end of the story was ...that this underkeeper apparently found out at the pub one night ...that this here sexy girl was making enquiries at the local school as to taking in her child...(which he never knew about).....so he had this confirmed and kicked her out !

 

 

what a twisted web we weave eh !.........

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You've been together since you were mere kids; perhaps she feels the need to live a little?

A cousins wife left him and the kids at 40 year old; just simply walked out. They'd been together since childhood but she simply panicked when she realised she was midway through her life and hadn't really lived.

She gets on fine with both her kids and her ex, but it took some time. She admitted to me not too long ago that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side of the fence.

You need to talk rather than throwing a hissy fit, or you could be in danger of driving her away. If you both want it to work then perhaps marriage guidance would help. My ex wouldn't entertain it whenever I suggested it.

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hello, having read all the posts and looking at yours matty i can only comment this, i think 1 PW member ( Sian) and coming from a lady has made a fair statement and Zapps few words i also would note, communication has been the key in holding 80% of good relationship together, the other 20% will hit rock bottom and divorce, do not let yours be that 20%. think about what is the most important aspect in your life, is that 1 thing you disdain realy of such that you let it cloud your judgement of what you could loose and from what you said was a one off, will say no more than i wish you both !!!!! the best, cheers

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Great advice!

 

My relationship is very similar to yours Matty, got together as teenagers and now late 20s with 2 young kids. Few months something really small and insignificant happened (so much so i cant remember what it even is) and i just woke up looked at the good lady there dribbling away on the pillow in the most unattractive set of disney PJs you can imagine and i just thought why am i here? I was an **** for weeks and got myself worked up allowing every little thing she did wrong (in my eyes) bother me, thinking this is not the person i fell in love with. Long story short i realised i either had to change my attitude or walk out, i opted to change my attitude and a lot happier for it. As i drive a lot with work i had a lot of thinking time so did everything above in my head. It made me notice a lot of stuff i had taken for granted before.

 

I was away with work for a week and one night was in a lovely hotel with amazing food but i was on my own and even though i had all this going round in my head i still thought the only person i would want to come sit down and join me is my wife...then it clicked.

I did the same but jumped ship. Best thing i ever did both the first and the second time. Life is for living, you pay your money and take your choice. What does your heart say and then let your head make the decisions.

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As above I agree with the others. you are either taking the pee with this post or the following

 

A. you really don't want to be with your wife and your using this as an excuse.

B.your a control freak

C.you have met someone else

D.you want to admit your gay

 

:lol:

 

Dr Martyn, relationship and marriage counsellor is in da ha house :lol:

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Mate she had a drag of a spliff, I wouldn't class her as a smoker. At the end of the day if you don't like it leave, she's a grown woman and can do what she likes. However Imagining telling them when your kids are 18 you left there mum cus she had a drag of a spliff.

 

But like people said there must be other issues, but if there is no over issues I would give your head a wobble.

 

Book a weekend for both o you away to Amsterdam and get over it!

 

ATB

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I did the same but jumped ship. Best thing i ever did both the first and the second time. Life is for living, you pay your money and take your choice. What does your heart say and then let your head make the decisions.

To put things into perspective I was same as oowee, I dumped the first Mrs nutcase despite having a four year old daughter and it was the best thing I ever did. Not saying that's what the op should do of course...

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