Old Boggy Posted April 14, 2018 Report Share Posted April 14, 2018 A couple of years ago in the next village, my farmer friend had put out a rope banger on the side of one of his rape fields that was being hammered by the pigeons. It was positioned about 200 yards from a lane on the side of which was a large Georgian house, which had recently been occupied by a family of DFLs *. Upon hearing the first discharge of the morning, the head of this particular household was straight onto the police assuming that criminal activity was taking place. About 20 minutes later, a newly appointed, young and inexperienced bobby (no doubt another DFL) arrived and proceeded down the edge of the field to investigate. He was halfway down the hedgerow when the next banger went off which had the result of the bobby throwing himself face down onto the muddy ground. In gaining his composure, I can only assume that he then consulted his `Instructions to young PCs in the event of an explosion` handbook and did no more than phone - wait for it - The Bomb Disposal Squad. My farmer friend happened to see the Bomb Disposal Squad tearing down the lane and went to investigate, but when he saw their truck stop at the end of his field, he then realised what probably was the cause of the misunderstanding. He pulled up just in time to hear the leader of the BDS giving the young bobby a right rollicking for wasting their time and tax payers money. I would like to have read that PCs report at the end of the day, if indeed he wrote one ! It is not a surprise to record that the bobby has not been seen in the area since and is probably carrying out duties where he can create far less harm. *For those unacquainted with the acronym DFL, it stands for `Down from London` and generally refers to someone moving from the city into the country, completely ignorant of country ways and who is likely to complain of church bells ringing, cockerels crowing, horse dung in the road and lack of street lighting in country lanes, to name but a few. I`m sure we`ve all met one or two. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ In total contrast to the above, I heard of a young couple who moved from the city to the country and who wished to become part of the local village community. They had decided to make some sloe gin and upon speaking to one of their neighbours, a country `sage`, were given the procedure and were told to make sure that all stalks and leaves etc. were removed from the fruit and to ***** each one with a pin, and somewhat tongue in cheek, told them that it had to be a silver one ! It was late summer and they ventured out to their nearest lane and gathered approximately three pounds of their fruit and returned home excitedly to process their bounty. They meticulously removed all stalks etc. and proceeded to ***** each one with their `silver pins`. However, they were somewhat surprised at how time consuming this was, as it took them the best part of five hours before the last item of fruit was finally popped into their demi-john, sugar added and topped up with gin. It was given a hearty shake and shaken every week for the next month or so. One evening a couple of their new found neighbours were invited round for a drink and they very proudly got out their demi-john to show them how their concoction was progressing, but knew that it was too early to be tasted. It was with great embarrassment for them to learn from their neighbours that their labour of love had resulted in them processing not sloes, but elderberries !! No harm done, I suppose, it could have been worse, they could have picked ivy berries, or even bella donna. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whilst on the subject of sloes, two or three years ago I was out in a local lane gathering my annual harvest of sloes when a large limousine stopped alongside. The driver, a somewhat portly gentleman (another DFL) smoking a fat cigar, opened his window to enquire in a somewhat abrupt manner what I was picking. I explained the object of the exercise and the wonderful liqueur resulting from the sloes after a twelve month or more of maturing. I then held one out for him to try, which he grabbed and ate quickly. The last I heard from him was some comment regarding my parentage and him driving quickly off down the lane. The same was tried with my brother in law with a very similar result. Some people never learn ! OB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabery 3 Posted April 14, 2018 Report Share Posted April 14, 2018 Perfect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guzzicat Posted April 14, 2018 Report Share Posted April 14, 2018 A pal of mine was laying out a vintage motorcycle trial course, part of this was up a stream (in Devon),George spotted Otter spraints on a rock "otter spraints, said G to a DFL "whats that " He "Q",d droppings, they smell of Lavender G said, Smell em, DFL Agreed, George then rubbed his finger in said by product, & sucked the next digit, " Tastes nice too " The DFL Rubbed his finger across said waste product, tasted it & without any instruction gave a passing display of ancient Cornish dancing ,complete with strange sound effects. TRUE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cookoff013 Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 I actually heard bomb disposal dispose of some old hand grenade that was dug up during waterway maintanence. Best goose detergent ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyefor Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 A DFL in our village was concerned about his chickens (in a brand new raised-above-the-ground wheeled hen house that probably cost about the same as 10,000 eggs from the farm gate next door) were attracting RATS (OMG!!!). Local sage at the end of the bar advised him that what he needed to cure the rat issue was a ferret which DFL duly purchased and placed at night in a closed up hen house "on guard" against the rats. Next morning - no more chickens = (i suppose) no more rats? Next week - no more hen house either ("....given it away. We decided to support the local economy and buy our eggs in the village"). Jeeez... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimLondon Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 (edited) We have the same up our way with ICB’s, for those unfamiliar with the acronym it stands for ‘inbred country bumpkin’ we find them wandering around all lost and confused looking and pointing at brown people. Personally I don’t think all country folk are ICB’s ???? Edited April 15, 2018 by JimLondon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmytree Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 10 minutes ago, JimLondon said: We have the same up our way with ICB’s, for those unfamiliar with the acronym it stands for ‘inbred country bumpkin’ we find them wondering around all lost and confused looking and pointing at brown people. Personally I don’t think all country folk are ICB’s ???? Just as well Jim, Some of us ICBs know the difference between "wondering" and "wandering." Having said that, I do "wonder" about Londoners, they do give us ICBs a good laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimLondon Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 36 minutes ago, timmytree said: Just as well Jim, Some of us ICBs know the difference between "wondering" and "wandering." Having said that, I do "wonder" about Londoners, they do give us ICBs a good laugh. My apologies for my spelling mistake. and hats off to you for taking my post in the manner it was intended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delwint Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 A funny post and good to see people taking it in good humour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wymberley Posted April 15, 2018 Report Share Posted April 15, 2018 Where I am we can't be DFL specific as they come from places various so they're known as 'Foggy Dews'. You don't hear them coming, you don't see them coming, but when you wake up in the morning they're there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyefor Posted April 16, 2018 Report Share Posted April 16, 2018 15 hours ago, JimLondon said: We have the same up our way with ICB’s, for those unfamiliar with the acronym it stands for ‘inbred country bumpkin’ we find them wandering around all lost and confused looking and pointing at brown people. Personally I don’t think all country folk are ICB’s ???? We need to be grateful for ICB's because it's a fair bet that one invented the tooth brush (allegedly, somewhere near Kings Lynn)? Had it been invented by a normal person with a full set of choppers it would surely have been called a teeth brush? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmytree Posted April 16, 2018 Report Share Posted April 16, 2018 19 hours ago, Delwint said: A funny post and good to see people taking it in good humour I appreciate good humour. The number of times I've been upset can be counted on the fingers of one hand. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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