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Vegan in the family


BritishShooting
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Firstly sorry for the long post.

 

I have no personal issues with vegans or their wrong opinions, except for the fact they're rather annoying, force it upon people, know everything and generally not open to debate without comparing the acts of relevant industries to rape, murder, slavery and the holocaust etc. and make ludicrous statements to push back on anything that doesn't suit their agenda. 

Unfortunately my family have now been infiltrated, a vegan is amongst us.

It appears that my sister has introduced a vegan to the family, not just any vegan but also a self proclaimed feminist and environmentalist alongside being a devout vegan. Basically a right proper yoghurt knitter.

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet however my parents have on numerous occasions and described him as a 'lovely lad' to me, which I'm sure he is.

He's brainwashed my sister already who has ate and enjoyed meat all of her life, she's now on the road to becoming a vegan. God forbid she becomes a feminist, she's quite level headed at the moment and I don't think I could tolerate that on top of it all.

Now this leads on to my next and main point for this post.

My wedding is approaching in the next few months, all of my family and friends are meat eaters and the theme of the wedding will have an undertone of countryside and shooting to it as that's what I and my partner love (it's our day).

Am I being stubborn by not providing any vegan alternatives to the big day as previously there were none likely to be present?

The whole theme is an afternoon tea which basically comprises of a ploughmans lunch all around with cheeses, pickles, meats and savoury items including sandwiches and cakes. The evening guests will then enjoy hog roast cobs with a hog on a spit. The wedding cake has been ditched in favour of a tiered cheese cake made of just wheels of cheese and accompanied with chutneys, crackers and grapes etc. Basically the most anti-vegan day imaginable.

I've only recently been made aware of this persons existence as my family have kept it quiet from me for a while. The only reason I have now been advised of his existence is so I can put provisions in place for him at the wedding (food alternatives) as my sisters plus 1, likely at this rate she will also have the same dietary requirements.

Me and my fiancé are of the same opinion and that is put up or shut up and don't come basically, it's our day and we won't be accommodating for people who are actually an ever-growing threat to our preferred way of life.  

I've been told by my parents i'm over-reacting and to save any arguments they would pay any costs incurred to provide a vegan alternative. Firstly it isn't about the money in the scheme of a wedding it's not even pennies and secondly not that I wanted them to but there have been no contributions to anything else for our wedding but there happy to pay for a vegans meal. (Baffling to me)

It's all rubbed me up the wrong way, my partner is supportive and in agreement however my parents think I'm over reacting and being stubborn and pig headed.

How would you guys proceed, I'm adamant of my current stance however it would be interesting to understand like minded folks opinions on the matter and if maybe I should turn the other cheek for the sake of a rift on the day.

 

 

 

 

Edited by BritishShooting
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First of all sorry to hear the bad news , no one deserves a vegan in their life ?.

As for how to approach the whole fiasco,  I'm as stumped as you. One thing I do know is, if it was their wedding you wouldn't get a choice, it would all be Vegan and he would take the same stand as you are thinking, don't like it don't come.

But I would personally say for the sake of arguments just get them a Vegan alternative. Or let him bring his own meal:good:

Edited by Newbie to this
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Salad selection and a bowl of peanuts, maybe some baked spuds ect.

Vegans by their own choices have limited food choice (They will tell you different of course) but thats what it is.
Just put a few things out that could be compatible with their life choices AND normal people .
Or tell him to bring a packed lunch.

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My sincere condolences.

Despite it being a bit worrying that your family have kept him at arms length from you (is he confrontational or a hunt sab or something?), I would try and forget him and do what you can to ensure he cannot cause a fuss on your big day. In effect, be the bigger person and provide a bag of spinach for him or something - if he then decides to go round criticising people for enjoying good food, it will reflect badly on him, not you. 

Ultimately, do whatever you need to do to minimise/eliminate the chance of him causing any mischief on you and your partner's big day. You probably won't even know he's there (he'll be the pale, spindly one with no energy for dancing.....) 

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If you were going to a vegan wedding, do you think they'd lay on a pork chop to suit you? Of course not. You would have to tolerate nut brioche and lentils like all the other pasty faced opinionated loveys. 

Nothing wrong with inviting them, but don't change your plans for them. They can bring sandwiches. Treat them with the same condescending contempt they reserve for you. 

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sling a bag of crisps at him...then infront of everyone tell him his fortune...and tell you will make him eat his own testicles if he mess your sister up...........

 

sorry but i have had a run in with a god botherer vegan on my sons first wife...she screwed his life up well and good..........

 

just not to be biased im sure there are good vegans out there somewhere...that contribute to soceity in some meaningful way.............

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Thanks for the opinions and advice.

Definitely think the bring your own dinner is an option, I'll have to suss him out though. Cause if it was a vegan wedding i'd be a great *** and take my own KFC family bucket to make a point, just imagine him rocking up with his own buffett encouraging guests to try his vegan alternatives.

I don't think he appears to be particularly confrontational however thats one thing I don't want, a platform for a vegan to preach about the food choices to guests whilst trying to eat their dinner as thats what most i meet seem to be like nowadays.

He's not a hunt sab etc. it would be an instant non invitation if that was the case.

I'm with you here too ditchman, my run ins with vegans have usually been fiery due to their utter nonsense and desire to change the world with almost immediate effect.

I'll have to try and meet the lad with the family at a pub maybe even suggest over dinner to see how he reacts to me eating a mixed grill.  If he tries to pick me up on it may not even bother with him being there but if he's quiet and accepting of others choices without trying to be a preacher then theres not a great deal of bother i suppose.

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3 minutes ago, BritishShooting said:

Thanks for the opinions and advice.

Definitely think the bring your own dinner is an option, I'll have to suss him out though. Cause if it was a vegan wedding i'd be a great *** and take my own KFC family bucket to make a point, just imagine him rocking up with his own buffett encouraging guests to try his vegan alternatives.

I don't think he appears to be particularly confrontational however thats one thing I don't want, a platform for a vegan to preach about the food choices to guests whilst trying to eat their dinner as thats what most i meet seem to be like nowadays.

He's not a hunt sab etc. it would be an instant non invitation if that was the case.

I'm with you here too ditchman, my run ins with vegans have usually been fiery due to their utter nonsense and desire to change the world with almost immediate effect.

I'll have to try and meet the lad with the family at a pub maybe even suggest over dinner to see how he reacts to me eating a mixed grill.  If he tries to pick me up on it may not even bother with him being there but if he's quiet and accepting of others choices without trying to be a preacher then theres not a great deal of bother i suppose.

Sounds like a plan, good luck either way

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I have been to many events where the food choice wasn't my ideal and an alternative option wasnt offered, i have just got on with it, sat down chatted and and eaten the parts that i wanted and to be honest no one has ever mentioned it and nor have i, i honestly think a majority have never noticed. I do also take something i can eat if i feel a bit peckish later on.

I often find there is someone who will eat the other bits so everyone's plates are clear and have never had the occasion where the food hasn't been eaten

I dont expect any special treatment and have on occasion run back to the car to grab a quick bite - as i said most people didnt even realise and the world has continued to revolve 

Edited by ph5172
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Regardless of your views compared to his he is a guest at your wedding and you should cater for him accordingly.  As you have said already the cost is immaterial so why work yourself up about it? 

What have you got to gain by not doing so apart from forcing your own principles on someone.....the very same thing that annoys you about most vegans.

 

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Got married last year after a long time living in sin so acutely remember the accommodating discussions I had to have. What food they ate didn’t bother me, tree hugger or hunter the venue catered for both, BUT, my view was simple when it came to guests. If I didn’t know you why would I A want you at my wedding and B want to pay for you a meal. You wouldn’t walk up to a stranger in the street and do it so why would my wedding day be any different. 

Invite denied. 

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sorry about the vegan  devil in the family

however i do think you are bieng pig headed at the end of the day he has his views you have yours but it is a family wedding there will be many bigger  problems over your lifetime other than getting a few vegan meals in for your guest 

get over it and move on its your sisters partner  for gawd sake  let enjoy your day

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3 minutes ago, nobbyathome said:

sorry about the vegan  devil in the family

however i do think you are bieng pig headed at the end of the day he has his views you have yours but it is a family wedding there will be many bigger  problems over your lifetime other than getting a few vegan meals in for your guest 

get over it and move on its your sisters partner  for gawd sake  let enjoy your day

Its the OP s wedding, not the families , he can invite and serve what he likes.

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Sounds like your approach is more likely to cause ill feeling than his. 

Why not just extend a friendly hand and accommodate him if only to try to get off to a good start?  You may end up finding him ok rather than making assumptions and causing pointless drama.

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14 minutes ago, nobbyathome said:

sorry about the vegan  devil in the family

however i do think you are bieng pig headed at the end of the day he has his views you have yours but it is a family wedding there will be many bigger  problems over your lifetime other than getting a few vegan meals in for your guest 

get over it and move on its your sisters partner  for gawd sake  let enjoy your day

 

6 minutes ago, Zapp said:

Sounds like your approach is more likely to cause ill feeling than his. 

Why not just extend a friendly hand and accommodate him if only to try to get off to a good start?  You may end up finding him ok rather than making assumptions and causing pointless drama.

 

49 minutes ago, ferguson_tom said:

Regardless of your views compared to his he is a guest at your wedding and you should cater for him accordingly.  As you have said already the cost is immaterial so why work yourself up about it? 

What have you got to gain by not doing so apart from forcing your own principles on someone.....the very same thing that annoys you about most vegans.

 

 

All very valid points, I'm thinking worse case scenario for reasons why his presence hasn't been made aware to me until now.

Could be a reserved chap opting for the vegan lifestyle himself without imposing it on others. In which case that is fair enough and It would be pig headed of me looking at it that way.

I've always found vegetarians doing it for themselves as it's their preference but vegans seem more militant, as long as his views aren't forced upon other guests I should make necessary minor changes to cater for all guests.

Thanks for the other angle!

 

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1 hour ago, BritishShooting said:

Definitely think the bring your own dinner is an option, I'll have to suss him out though. Cause if it was a vegan wedding i'd be a great *** and take my own KFC family bucket to make a point, just imagine him rocking up with his own buffett encouraging guests to try his vegan alternatives.

The difference is the vegans would all be inhaling the chickeny goodness of your bucket wishing they could have some. I doubt a bit of grilled eggplant would tempt anyone. :)

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Provide the Vegan option. It's just not worth the extra hassle and potential heartache. Right now, it's perilously close to your sister not going because the vegan boyfriend was deliberately excluded. The last thing you want is anything like 'If you can't accept him then you can't accept me' and her refusing to come. Then you save a meal but lose a sister at the wedding, which would be awful. 

Yes the wedding is about you two - but you would want your family to be there and you'd want them to be happy and able to share in your enjoyment of the day. Forcing one person to bring their own meal/risk them not showing up at all is, to my mind not necessary. Family feuds have started with less.

If you want your sister to come and feel comfortable and relaxed and accepted, one (perhaps two for your sister?) vegan is a really small way of getting that.

Edited by chrisjpainter
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I think you're thinking to much of it, I'd just give your sister a call and have a chat about the food situation casually, see what they' like so they aren't uncomfortable or don't want to come. Similar to what Chrisjpainter said. 

I know some vegans can be w***ers (mainly as we instantly think of sabs) but not all are, I do have some really good friends who are veggies and vegans (some for the healthy side of it, yeah i know, they say so) but there can be all different reasons why they may be, I'd just cater for them and try and get on with him on the day..  even if you do have different views and opinions.  Your wedding is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life. 

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1 hour ago, stumfelter said:

Has the reception got an outdoor area? If so couldn't you just let him graze the surrounding vegetation?

???

 

It really depends on the relationship with your sister. If you’re close and you’d be upset if she potentially wouldn’t come because you offended the herbivore by not offering him a plate of grass, then get the caterers to leave the cheese and pork pie off his ploughman’s. If you’ve got a good relationship but you’re not fussed if your sister comes or not because you’ve upset the lawn mower then don’t change anything. And if you meet him before the wedding and he’s a peenarse change the ploughman’s to an all meat alternative with a side of extra meat. 

It’s youre wedding do what you want if people don’t like it they can get lost. You’ll upset someone over something, but don’t worry about it, I didn’t. 

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