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Got the new driver with a classic today. We was delivering to the new American Embassy in nine elms. I was training the new bloke and we had done the delivery. I told the new driver Geoff that we would need to drive through the red barrier and would then be American soil so as a matter of respect we need to drive round the rotary as its called past the barrier with one hand on our chests whilst singing the American national anthem, He looked at me and then claimed he didn't know the words. I told him to just hum it loudly and don't forget to put your hand on your chest and drive with the other hand. 

Any way the security guard opened the barrier and I started singing, he soon caught the jist of it and i sat back and tried not to laugh as he put his hand on his chest and started humming loudly passed the two bewildered looking heavily armed policemen guarding the doors. By now I had lost it at nearly wet meself laughing. He looked at me stopped humming and called me a **** and a ****** and other obscenities.

Obviously had to tell the lads back at the yard and let the ribbing commence.

Any of you lot got the new boy with a classic jape? cordless extension lead? skirting board ladder?

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Used to work in a DIY store and we’d regularly get apprentices coming in looking for “A long stand”, “Bubble for a spirit level”, “Left handed screwdriver” etc.

 

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7 minutes ago, humperdingle said:

Used to work in a DIY store and we’d regularly get apprentices coming in looking for “A long stand”, “Bubble for a spirit level”, “Left handed screwdriver” etc.

 

did you stock tartan paint?

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Ive probably mentioned this before, but at a school leaver going into my 1st job in the town butchers,the lads there sent me out to the other butchers for a long wait. 

This was 1st thing in the morning, well,  ive always been a bit of a wind up merchant, and worked in a butchers since i was just over 10 years old. So grew up with all the micky takes and banter. 

So out I go for a long wait, around 7.30 am, have leisurely stroll round town, coffee in one of the local coffee shops, have a walk down to the Trent, then "blimey it's dinner time" 

Tommys fish bar, fish chips and mushy peas, sat on the war memorial eating my dinner, then strolled back to work at just gone 1. 

The lads thought it was hilarious, but I'm still laughing at it now many years on. 

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We used to send new bar staff for ice solution when I was a lad.

Most recent on site the HR wombles used to lock themselves in their office so we took the door of their office one night, when they complained after a day with no door we put it back on upside down 😂

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Posted (edited)

On a tele comms job I sent the boy to the van for a box of "dial tones"

 

on the subject of hammers there actually exists a "left handed roofers axe"

 

when i was teaching Diving Courses we told the students that NASA had come up with honeycomb lead ( all you had to do was add water) it was invented for the spacemens boots on the moon so they didn't have to carry the weight of the lead all the way up there. We were accepting advanced orders for our next dive trip to Egypt so they wouldn't have excesss baggage charges

Edited by Diver One

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not a wind up but..when working on a building site many years ago, there was one obnoxious err person getting on everyones  nerves, so we lifted the back of his van up [rear wheel drive] and stuck it on blocks, the look on his face when he engaged gear was worth seeing

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Got sent to the stores for “a long wait/weight”, store men just said wait there, you can assume the rest, when l returned to the work area l was ribbed to say the least.

That was 50 years ago, and l bet it still occurs.

 

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Had many a trainee tried to find a "box of drill holes " and a sky hook to hold my ladders up.So many have had the long stand but never had Dougys brains to enjoy the wind up and just stood there like spare parts at a wedding .And my fave send them for the middles for my Polo mints  to stop the wind blowing through the middle 

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2 hours ago, clakk said:

Had many a trainee tried to find a "box of drill holes " and a sky hook to hold my ladders up.So many have had the long stand but never had Dougys brains to enjoy the wind up and just stood there like spare parts at a wedding .And my fave send them for the middles for my Polo mints  to stop the wind blowing through the middle 

Sky hooks do exist, they are used to hang cables from during damage control onboard HM warships.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Stour-boy said:

“Box of sparks for the spark plugs”

I've got a box of those Steve. I'll bring them round when I see you tomorrow.:yahoo:

OB

Edited by Old Boggy

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Skirting board ladders, Also box of1" holes, lead nails,glass hammer.were one's used up here along with many I can't remember 

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Back in the day when cars had proper hub caps, a carefully placed handful of gravel inside said hub cap made a hell of a noise on starting off from a standstill or braking, but NO noise at speed.

spray a load of cheap perfume on car head restraint then watch as it is "explained" to an irate wife

fill car air vents with talc, turn fan to full, close air vents, wait

 

just signs  of a misspent youth/apprenticeship

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Posted (edited)

I used to help a mate out putting up TV aerials many years ago. We had the job of putting up a new aerial for a teacher who was moving accomodation at Junior Kings School, Canterbury which involved taking his old aerial, cabling etc. out.

I was half way up the roof ladder when my mate shouted up that he'd disconnected the cable below and I was to give the cable which was over the roof and over my side a hearty tug. 

Of course, he knew full well that the 'cable' was in fact the rope attached to the Fire Bell, which when I'd tugged it, seemed to echo all over the school !!

I gingerly edged my way up the ladder to the ridge, to see loads of boys forming orderly queues in the quad below.

I seemed to fall for his tricks time and again.

Another time, we were just finishing a job and my mate said "I'll just finish up on the roof, you go down to the dining room, sit at the table as the lady of the house has invited us for dinner"  I duly sat at the table which I noted had four place settings. I was shortly joined by a son, a daughter and then the husband all giving me odd looks. 

I'd been set up once again and never learnt. The list of my naivety went on, but far too many anecdotes to relate here. I should note that I was a lot younger then. Probably still as naive now.

 OB

 

 

Edited by Old Boggy

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On the building sites many years go,(pre H&S ) I witnessed many pranks, mostly at the apprentices cost.

If a bricklayer left his trowel on an empty mortar board it would always be covered with mortar by the labourers  when he returned, (after previous warnings), grease on the underside of the handle was another, Safety helmets and hats placed on top of the highest upright scaffold tubes , coats built into scaffolding through the arms,  bicycles built in too.

Bait boxes would have their contents removed, nailed to the table and the contents put back.  Frogs,  put into bait boxes of unsuspecting apprentices, (to take home), good reactions to that one next morning. The portaloo was always a banker too, wait till someone was inside, give them a minute to settle, and then throw half a brick at it,......happy days. 

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Heard of an apprentice sent to the local corner shop for a ‘quarter of clitoris creams’

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Spoon game?

We also sent young firefighters to the top of the tower when they were on station duties, told them to take the binos and check for fires as far as they could see and then to phone control and tell them if they could see any or not.

Another was to sit in the recreation room at break time and challenge a youngster to a timed race around the station. The rec room door was opened and led directly onto the pole drop doors which dropped down 2 floors. Then you had to race along the ground floor corridor, and up the fire escape at the end of the building along the top floor corridor and back into the rec room. An old hand would challenge a youngster and off he would go, and it would be timed by someone. The old hand would win by a mile and be hardly out of breath when he got back, the youngster was breathing out of his bottom (as the saying goes), sometimes this would go on two or three times and be beaten everytime. What they didn`t usually work out was the rec room door was on a closer and as the old guy ran out it was left to close and you would hear the pole drop doors clatter open and a short time later the sound of running up the corridor, the old hand had just punted the doors then quietly walked down the corridor and after a short period ran up the corridor.

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Around 25 years ago as a new apprentice car mechanic I was only had once. They couldn't get me on the old classics, long wait, sparks for grinder ect.

Car comes in with an alleged squeak from rear suspension, foreman says to lay half in boot and listen to which side it was coming from while he bounced suspension, perfectly plausible.

Of course as soon as I was half in I was bundled in and the boot closed, what followed was a half hour road test round tight bends, over speed humps, emergency stop.

It worked every time on all the other apprentices after me 😂

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Posted (edited)

Cast iron split pins.    Red fluid for rear lights. and many others.   Oxygen dip sticks.

Vic.

Edited by VicW

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