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My Wife!


steve_b_wales
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The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder.

A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'!

 

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7 minutes ago, steve_b_wales said:

The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder.

A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'!

 

 

Cant help but wonder what the jeweller was thinking..

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1 hour ago, steve_b_wales said:

The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder.

A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'!

 

I bet the jeweller stood there smiling politely,  while the wee was gently dribbling down his leg 😅😅😅

13 minutes ago, steve_b_wales said:

I'd settle for a mute button!

When Lins jabbering gets a bit too much , I pick up the imaginary remote control to turn the volume down . It works every time , she just does "the face" and doesn't speak to me for a couple of hours 😅.

(Top tip . Only use the imaginary remote control , after , she's cooked your tea 😊).

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1 hour ago, mel b3 said:

When Lins jabbering gets a bit too much , I pick up the imaginary remote control to turn the volume down . It works every time , she just does "the face" and doesn't speak to me for a couple of hours 😅.

(Top tip . Only use the imaginary remote control , after , she's cooked your tea 😊).

:lol::lol:

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Way back in the early seventies it was all the fashion for girls to cut shapes out of felt (butterflies, little birds, cute bunnies, etc.) And stitch then onto their tops. Motifs, I think they were called.

Anyway, my younger sister was keen to get "with it" so she slipped out of school one break-time, nipped into the local drapery, and said to the man behind the counter, "Excuse me, but can I get felt here?"

"Sure", said he, laughing, "just come round here behind the counter and I'll do my best!"

Exit schoolgirl, horribly embarrassed.

Very much a tale of its time - sad to say he'd probably end up on the sex offenders register nowadays.

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Doing that remote thing with my wife would be akin to lighting the blue touch paper.

Stand back at a safe distance and watch her explode 😂 spewing expletives like a trooper.

I find saying Christ do you ever shut up, will give one of two reactions, one like the above the other perfect silence for a day or so.

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On 22/11/2020 at 19:50, aldivalloch said:

Way back in the early seventies it was all the fashion for girls to cut shapes out of felt (butterflies, little birds, cute bunnies, etc.) And stitch then onto their tops. Motifs, I think they were called.

Anyway, my younger sister was keen to get "with it" so she slipped out of school one break-time, nipped into the local drapery, and said to the man behind the counter, "Excuse me, but can I get felt here?"

"Sure", said he, laughing, "just come round here behind the counter and I'll do my best!"

Exit schoolgirl, horribly embarrassed.

Very much a tale of its time - sad to say he'd probably end up on the sex offenders register nowadays.

Reminds me of my college carpentry lecturer.

A female apprentice approached and explained that she needed more 2x1 to which he famously responded "come round the back and I'll give you a length".

Much hilarity ensued and it's remembered by many long past said lecturer slipping off his mortal coil.

 

Edd

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1 hour ago, figgy said:

Doing that remote thing with my wife would be akin to lighting the blue touch paper.

Stand back at a safe distance and watch her explode 😂 spewing expletives like a trooper.

I find saying Christ do you ever shut up, will give one of two reactions, one like the above the other perfect silence for a day or so.

You just haven't got her fully trained yet , once she realises that her angry explosion will only get a gentle smile from you ,she'll stop doing it 😊

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My wife tonight whilst discussing a little run of fencing she wants me to do. She was asking how id get the wire tight - bear in mind although far from a brilliant fencer i can do a tidy job and have put up 100s of metres of fencing in various shapes and sizes over the years - I replied with I'll use my wire tightener darling 🙄 whats one of those 🙈

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