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2 hours ago, salop sniper said:

Thanks folks. 

I had to move out of the house because of the mind game of being there. I pay my half of the mortgage and cut the grass to demonstrate I haven't abandoned anything. 

She is dragging her feet because she can't afford much on her own salary and its easier for her to stay put while am also not there. We don't have children, am 37 she's 38. I have a pension of 18 years and she doesn't have any pension, 14 years together, 13 years living together and 7 married. 

She said she wants to remain amicable and is happy for me to buy her out. But I suspect this might change while I try to coax her along to get things sorted,  we split / I left mid January so she's had time to start addressing things. I don't want to split up but she's clear she has a new lifestyle / life and we can't continue in life together.

I am currently back at my parents and its not fair on me or them. The wife knows she has no future in the house she doesn't  wantbit and can't afford it but for financial reasons isn't in a rush to leave and its unreasonable for her to expect me to sit and wait for it to suit her. If anything the sooner we agree things and get her bought out the sooner she has cash to invest in her future how ever she wishes. 

In that case I would be working out what cash settlement she is entitled to and pay her off asap, I would also add that payment will only hit her bank account once she vacates the house, this should be arranged through your solicitor.

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I imagine she will drag her feet for years as she is currently living in a nice house with all her stuff whilst you pay 50% of the mortgage. 
 

There’s no incentive to leave.


Especially if she can’t afford anywhere else on her salary / with her deposit. 
 

Have seen this before where one partner (usually the wife) drags things out for 2+ years until the other partner finally gets a court order forcing them to leave and the house to be sold. 
 

 

If I was you, she’s the one asking for the relationship to end etc, I would move back into my house and tell her to move in with her parents!! 

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I think the fact no children are involved makes it much simpler, its pretty simple in that you need a solicitor and look to draft a clean break settlement, she will be entitled to half the equity in the house and half of any savings/debt you have together. She is also entitled to a claim on your pension although this is not half, but half of the percentage you have been married/lived together as a percentage of the years you have paid in. Generally in a clean break situation your silicitor will negotiate significantly less than she is entitled to in favour of getting the money immediately. You may well need to remortgage to raise the funds to pay her off but then its done and dusted, I handed over £250k to get shot of mine, that pained me deeply but she was entitled to quite a bit more if she was prepared to wait, good luck.

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21 minutes ago, Old farrier said:

Tell her you can’t afford to buy her out and you will have to put the house on the market could she start making arrangements to move out 

 

This, although insisting the house is put in the market may end any attempts to keep it amicable. 
I left mine in the house as we have kids, but it wasn’t too long until it was decided ( at my insistence ) that the house was put on the market.
 

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5 minutes ago, Scully said:

This, although insisting the house is put in the market may end any attempts to keep it amicable. 
I left mine in the house as we have kids, but it wasn’t too long until it was decided ( at my insistence ) that the house was put on the market.
 

There should be a T-shirt club for this 😂😂

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It you have no children then try and treat it as a purely financial matter. Keep other people out of it, they will think they are helping but just egging each of you on in an echo chamber. 

My dad hid all of his money in sham companies etc from my mum when they were getting divorced, leaving her with very little. This is an ongoing cause of resentment from me. I have agreed with my wife in the event of divorce what happens. I think we should write it down and send it to the solicitor. We are happily married. 

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Currently in the midst of a divorce.

6 or 7 years together, 2 married.

1 child (3 1/2) 

She has done well. She was completely spoiled for 7 years. Didn't work after the baby was born. Never wanted for anything.

But I don't begrudge her any of that as it's how I wanted to do things.

She's now 31, house with no mortgage, money in the bank, little business, car....

We sold (or are selling) 1 house to pay her off and she's not screwing me for anything else. But she's still doing really well. I'll be sorted soon but currently in a bit of limbo.

Also terrible at being in my own but learning how to look after my son by myself is keeping me busy.

Online divorce company seem to be good. Pm me if you want a link. Forms have been pretty simple and all of the timings they have said seem to just rely on courts as the other bits are done. 

I'm just waiting on everything being returned from the court now before I can get on with being happy.

Not easy at all but when it's the right thing there no point hiding.

Talk to people. A lot.

Edd

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8 hours ago, discobob said:

Get a good solicitor as has been said. But do try to minimize your costs. Remember that they bill in 6 minute chunks - perhaps buy a stopwatch for when you talk to them so you know when to stop as if they role over into another 6 minute chunk it is the full 6 minutes and these could work out @£30+ per chunk. This can include their secretaries answering the phone to you. Also remember that a solicitor is making money while the case carries on. Keep a diary of your interactions.

Solicitors also charge for each letter they deal with - in or out.

This. My costs were huge because my loony ex wife sent letter after letter about nothing because she was bankrolled by her parents and knew because we had kids she would get nearly everything. And do check your itemised bills- my solicitor tried to charge me for a parking ticket he got when we were in court 😆

It’s a hard time and everyone seems to think it’s the end of the world, but for me it’s one of the best things that could have happened! 

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Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. If it truly is over then as has been said treat it as a financial transaction and get on with your life, easy to say, hard to do but things quickly improve. Good luck with it.

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3 hours ago, eddoakley said:

Currently in the midst of a divorce.

6 or 7 years together, 2 married.

1 child (3 1/2) 

She has done well. She was completely spoiled for 7 years. Didn't work after the baby was born. Never wanted for anything.

But I don't begrudge her any of that as it's how I wanted to do things.

She's now 31, house with no mortgage, money in the bank, little business, car....

We sold (or are selling) 1 house to pay her off and she's not screwing me for anything else. But she's still doing really well. I'll be sorted soon but currently in a bit of limbo.

Also terrible at being in my own but learning how to look after my son by myself is keeping me busy.

Online divorce company seem to be good. Pm me if you want a link. Forms have been pretty simple and all of the timings they have said seem to just rely on courts as the other bits are done. 

I'm just waiting on everything being returned from the court now before I can get on with being happy.

Not easy at all but when it's the right thing there no point hiding.

Talk to people. A lot.

Edd

You've retained custody of your child, but had to pay your ex off with a small fortune?  How the f does that work??!  Surely kids are the pivotal thing.

I'm probably going to get shot down on this but it seems whenever there's a separation, the default setting is the woman gets to claim all sorts of stuff she doesn't deserve and the man gets shafted with no chance of appeal.  It just seems completely unjust.

I might make myself bankrupt on purpose just in case...

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13 minutes ago, Jim Neal said:

You've retained custody of your child, but had to pay your ex off with a small fortune?  How the f does that work??!  Surely kids are the pivotal thing.

I'm probably going to get shot down on this but it seems whenever there's a separation, the default setting is the woman gets to claim all sorts of stuff she doesn't deserve and the man gets shafted with no chance of appeal.  It just seems completely unjust.

I might make myself bankrupt on purpose just in case...

Your assumptions are correct. I am ashamed to be female.

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2 hours ago, Jim Neal said:

You've retained custody of your child, but had to pay your ex off with a small fortune?  How the f does that work??!  Surely kids are the pivotal thing.

I'm probably going to get shot down on this but it seems whenever there's a separation, the default setting is the woman gets to claim all sorts of stuff she doesn't deserve and the man gets shafted with no chance of appeal.  It just seems completely unjust.

I might make myself bankrupt on purpose just in case...


It’s a modern world Jim. 
 

If you choose to be a stay at home dad and your wife earns all the money, she has to give you half of her money if you divorce. 
 

Works both ways. 
 

 

Historically, the trend was to see men in well off jobs, with good money etc, and all the woman had to bring to the take was some good looks. 
 

I have a few mates who have good jobs, work their ***** off, they chose their partners based on their pretty faces and nice *****. 
 

Several of them have had issues over the years complaining that their wife has a poor income, doesn’t have a proper job, then they have kids etc and they are stuck providing everything etc. 
 

 

 

Whilst I know they say you can’t help who you fall in love with, I can’t see why a bloke earning say £50-100k a year, in a professional career, would want to date a woman who many would consider a total airhead or a bimbo. 
 

Perhaps it’s a power thing. 
 

I’ve always enjoyed dating women in good jobs, similar or better than what I do usually. The conversation was always far more interesting than listening to them talk about some meaningless drama or the latest junk TV. 

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My mate had a penchant for Ferrari woman - stunning looking, unreliable, loud, expensive to acquire, expensive to maintain and everyone else wanted to jump in them and steal them. He lead a very unhappy and financially crippling existence.

I’ve posted before about what to do in divorces on earlier / other threads if you are inclined have a search and look it up.

Alas you have broken the first rule and you have moved out and for no real good reason. You are now 1-0 down - she’s in the gaff in sole occupation, you’re still paying half and she has zero motivation to do anything, indeed if she hangs it out she will be in the far better negotiating position.

I could spend 20 minutes typing out exactly what you should consider doing but I fear none of it will sink in. If you wanted advice you should have asked before moving out and fundamentally putting yourself 1-0.

It’s going to be awful and expensive but:

1. Be grateful you don’t have kids with this woman. 
2. life will be better without her - she’s shown her hand and done you (or indeed both of you) a favour
3. ‘this too will pass’

.

Edited by Mungler
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12 hours ago, Charliedog said:

I think the fact no children are involved makes it much simpler, its pretty simple in that you need a solicitor and look to draft a clean break settlement, she will be entitled to half the equity in the house and half of any savings/debt you have together. She is also entitled to a claim on your pension although this is not half, but half of the percentage you have been married/lived together as a percentage of the years you have paid in. Generally in a clean break situation your silicitor will negotiate significantly less than she is entitled to in favour of getting the money immediately. You may well need to remortgage to raise the funds to pay her off but then its done and dusted, I handed over £250k to get shot of mine, that pained me deeply but she was entitled to quite a bit more if she was prepared to wait, good luck.

Clean break is exactly how mine went, difference being 2 kids and the ex had a massive pension fund which ended up with me keeping the house but no rights to any of her pension but only cost me £3.5K to be shut of her,  the solicitor costs were almost £6K when complete. 

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6 hours ago, Mungler said:

My mate had a penchant for Ferrari woman - stunning looking, unreliable, loud, expensive to acquire, expensive to maintain and everyone else wanted to jump in them and steal them. He lead a very unhappy and financially crippling existence.

I’ve posted before about what to do in divorces on earlier / other threads if you are inclined have a search and look it up.

Alas you have broken the first rule and you have moved out and for no real good reason. You are now 1-0 down - she’s in the gaff in sole occupation, you’re still paying half and she has zero motivation to do anything, indeed if she hangs it out she will be in the far better negotiating position.

I could spend 20 minutes typing out exactly what you should consider doing but I fear none of it will sink in. If you wanted advice you should have asked before moving out and fundamentally putting yourself 1-0.

It’s going to be awful and expensive but:

1. Be grateful you don’t have kids with this woman. 
2. life will be better without her - she’s shown her hand and done you (or indeed both of you) a favour
3. ‘this too will pass’

.

I went for the Austin maxi woman , she's large and noisy , and nobody would nick her , even if you left the keys in 😆.

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4 minutes ago, mel b3 said:

I went for the Austin maxi woman , she's large and noisy , and nobody would nick her , even if you left the keys in 😆.

Was that the previous incumbent before Lin came along?:cool1:

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8 minutes ago, TIGHTCHOKE said:

Was that the previous incumbent before Lin came along?:cool1:

My late wife was even more petite than lin , however,  I did go through a temporary faze , where I couldn't get enough of the chunky monkeys 😅.

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2 hours ago, mel b3 said:

My late wife was even more petite than lin , however,  I did go through a temporary faze , where I couldn't get enough of the chunky monkeys 😅.

:lol: LOL! 

9 hours ago, Mungler said:

My mate had a penchant for Ferrari woman - stunning looking, unreliable, loud, expensive to acquire, expensive to maintain and everyone else wanted to jump in them and steal them. He lead a very unhappy and financially crippling existence.

I’ve posted before about what to do in divorces on earlier / other threads if you are inclined have a search and look it up.

Alas you have broken the first rule and you have moved out and for no real good reason. You are now 1-0 down - she’s in the gaff in sole occupation, you’re still paying half and she has zero motivation to do anything, indeed if she hangs it out she will be in the far better negotiating position.

I could spend 20 minutes typing out exactly what you should consider doing but I fear none of it will sink in. If you wanted advice you should have asked before moving out and fundamentally putting yourself 1-0.

It’s going to be awful and expensive but:

1. Be grateful you don’t have kids with this woman. 
2. life will be better without her - she’s shown her hand and done you (or indeed both of you) a favour
3. ‘this too will pass’

.

 

 

I wouldn't go so far as to say your mate deserved it, he obviously didn't. But some people really don't help themselves.

If you want to involve yourself with those types of women, understand the transaction taking place and make sure you have protected yourself. 

 

I am amazed that the often very wealthy, but fat, out of shape, bald men don't ever consider what their super model wives see in them :hmm: ... perhaps they are well endowed ... 

 

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1 hour ago, Lloyd90 said:

:lol: LOL! 

 

 

I wouldn't go so far as to say your mate deserved it, he obviously didn't. But some people really don't help themselves.

If you want to involve yourself with those types of women, understand the transaction taking place and make sure you have protected yourself. 

 

I am amazed that the often very wealthy, but fat, out of shape, bald men don't ever consider what their super model wives see in them :hmm: ... perhaps they are well endowed ... 

 

A well endowed wallet will always attract arm candy. 🤷‍♀️

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4 hours ago, mel b3 said:

My late wife was even more petite than lin , however,  I did go through a temporary faze , where I couldn't get enough of the chunky monkeys 😅.

 

4 hours ago, mel b3 said:

I went for the Austin maxi woman , she's large and noisy , and nobody would nick her , even if you left the keys in 😆.


proper lol’d 😆

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