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Parental rights in divorce.


eddoakley
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My divorce is starting to get a bit nasty.

The ex is now suggesting that she is going to try to gain some custody of our son.

50/50 up til now but she's getting bitter etc, as they do.

So my question is does anyone have any experience?

If it did get a far as court is the woman usually given more rights than the man?

What can influence the decision?

If she has no basis for the change how far is it likely to get?

Any advice appreciated.

Nothing is happening yet and I'm hoping she will get over her issues before it goes anywhere.

 

Cheers

 

Edd

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Been there, done that!

You have to fight your corner like you have never done before, the odds are stacked against you but that doesn't mean you can't win.

A good solicitor can help, you need good mates to talk to and give you a balanced view to keep your head straight.

Don't ever fight in front of the kids, don't ever say anything bad about their mum to them, be the best dad you can.

Paid off in my case, best of luck to you.

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10 minutes ago, 39TDS said:

Been there, done that!

You have to fight your corner like you have never done before, the odds are stacked against you but that doesn't mean you can't win.

A good solicitor can help, you need good mates to talk to and give you a balanced view to keep your head straight.

Don't ever fight in front of the kids, don't ever say anything bad about their mum to them, be the best dad you can.

Paid off in my case, best of luck to you.

I'm as sensible as level headed as they come. I won't argue with her and she's not liking that.

We've agreed 50/50 up until now but she's just trying to use him to get to me.

She's no grounds at all. 

She's already threatened to "bankrupt us both by going to court even though I know I don't cleave a leg to stand on"

Like I said I hope she calms down.

I've told her that I'll be civil in front of my boy but really don't want anything else to do with her.  I just want to get on with my (better) life.

 

Edd

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11 hours ago, 39TDS said:

Been there, done that!.....

A good FEMALE solicitor can help, you need good mates to talk to and give you a balanced view to keep your head straight.

Paid off in my case, best of luck to you.

Just a suggestion.

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Have you suggested attending mediation first? It’s not necessarily going to resolve everything but cheaper by possibly tens of thousands…

plus if you suggest mediation and she won’t do it, it won’t help her cause 😀 

Edited by simonm
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Past court cases involving children in care and divorce rows . Was told to log every thing ie  your care for the child how you meet the child's needs .Problems  with the partner and any issue's that arose. But told to say in the child's best interest why we done this and that. Does the child have a court guardian to ask them what the child wants and were they want to live. Just  keep calm. Told my brother in law to say to his partner speak to my lawyer as it was getting bad after a short time she hit him with some thing he went to hospital and when they went to court it came out about her hitting him. Child to stay with father due to mum being violent in the past.   Keep CALM,

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2 hours ago, simonm said:

Have you suggested attending mediation first? It’s not necessarily going to resolve everything but cheaper by possibly tens of thousands…

plus if you suggest mediation and she won’t do it, it won’t help her cause 😀 

I booked mediation ages ago. She wouldn't attend.

She's now said that she is booking as she knows she will get legal aid and I won't.

We have hundreds of messages where we have agreed 50/50. She even signed for that in divorce paperwork. Now I'm moving on and not offering her loads of help (paying for things, sorting out a counsellor for her, generally offering loads of support) she has gone a bit nuts and keeps wanting a row. I'm not biting and realise that's winding her up But it's either argue or tell her I'm not going to. I'd rather the latter. 

I hope it settles down. I hope she gets on with her life and realises what's best for our son. I've never suggested that she has less than 50% custody even though I have had him more than half the time and I'd happily have him full time. But he needs his mother too and whatever happens I want the best for him.

I'll wait for her to do something but hope that she doesn't.

 

Edd

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It's not about 50/50 or sole custody it's about what is best for the child. Court will take a very level headed approach to such a decison in particular the views of the child and what is best for education and a settled homw life with firends.

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The woman does not get more rights than the man these days. I have a case history list of dangerous abusive men who get anything from  access to partial custody because they have only battered the woman, and that's completely different from battering children. CAFCAS write the reports, but a judge or magistrate may ignore everything that is put in front of them. Right now I'm dealing with a woman who thinks that she is "sole parent" and a judge is going to award her sole custody and only supervised access of a five year old who wants his daddy. She's barking. The Family Court have NO TIME for this kind of thing. They want what is best for the child, and whilst I might argue that the presumption that parental contact is always a good thing is fallacious, a reasonable person asking for 50/50 won't be penalised for anything short of a crime. You will almost certainly be fine - although an excellent solicitor is a great help.

 

Mediation sounds great but honestly, I've never seen it work. Mediators don't form opinions, they are so neutral as to be rather ineffectual and whilst they may work when you have people willing to engage, the kind of people who get things out in the open, and who still have respect for each other and don't hate each other more than they love their kids, it's very easy for an unreasonable person to stonewall you. 

 

Sometime you have to be truthful with the child like "I want to see you but Mummy won't let me" but never ever speak ill of the other parent apart from those bare facts. 

 

Good luck. It is time consuming and horrible but be straight with your kids and act with decency and you should come out of it with your relationship with your children in tact. 

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I've no first hand experience of this thankfully but have seen others go through it. 

The woman will absolutely be favored in any proceedings, my advise to you is really try to keep things amicable if at all possible, as any court intervention will be a looser for you and your child and still a loss for your ex to a lesser extent. The only winner will be the solicitors. 

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Been ten years since I was in a similar circumstance to you. Try to be amicable but get the best legal help that you can afford. Unfortunately the better quality solicitors do cost more. Make sure that get the child support payments paid to you

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10 hours ago, 12gauge82 said:

I've no first hand experience of this thankfully but have seen others go through it. 

The woman will absolutely be favored in any proceedings, my advise to you is really try to keep things amicable if at all possible, as any court intervention will be a looser for you and your child and still a loss for your ex to a lesser extent. The only winner will be the solicitors. 

The woman is absolutely not favoured in any proceedings. What's best for the child/children is what counts. I've been there and had joint custody of my two children.

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I was in a similar situation a few years back. Your biggest problem could come well before even getting to court. If she makes malicious allegations against you such as you knocked her about or were being inappropriate with your lad the police and social services will 100% take her side. Any woman can say anything about any man and its guilty until proven innocent. So be prepared for her to get really dirty. In my case after it all came to a head and we ended up in front of a judge he was very sympathetic and said if he could have given the mother a custodial sentence for all the misery and trouble she caused me he'd have locked her away for the maximum he could. I spent £10k in 8 months and that was with striking a deal with the solicitors. 2 things to remember whatever happens

1 in years to come you'll have all the court paperwork to prove you've tried your best for your son regardless of the outcome and you can show him you did everything you could.

2 talk to your friends or any one. Don't let it all get too much for you. We're men, we don't do talking but you can't let it eat away at you inside otherwise the worst can happen.

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5 hours ago, steve_b_wales said:

The woman is absolutely not favoured in any proceedings. What's best for the child/children is what counts. I've been there and had joint custody of my two children.

I'm certainly not going to argue with that, as I haven't experienced it first had, although it runs counter to what I've been told by others. Its no doubt a complicated process and I would think trying to solve issues without court is the best way if possible. 

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7 minutes ago, 12gauge82 said:

I'm certainly not going to argue with that, as I haven't experienced it first had, although it runs counter to what I've been told by others. Its no doubt a complicated process and I would think trying to solve issues without court is the best way if possible. 

I hired a Barrister, she had a local solicitor paid for by legal aid. Worth every penny, but the judge looked at all aspects of the divorce and made his mind up. Her swearing in court and not shutting her mouth helped me as well.

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26 minutes ago, steve_b_wales said:

I hired a Barrister, she had a local solicitor paid for by legal aid. Worth every penny, but the judge looked at all aspects of the divorce and made his mind up. Her swearing in court and not shutting her mouth helped me as well.

Glad it appears to have worked out for you, I certainly don't envy the process 👍

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