christmas joke

[kirky640]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 

 

 

“In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

 

 

 

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates", Saint Peter said.

 

 

 

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said,†You may pass through the pearly gates.

 

 

 

“The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

 

 

 

The man replied, "These are Carols."

 

 

 

And So The Holiday Season Begins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A bottle of Merlot

 

 

 

Texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.

 

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

 

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

 

The note read:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

 

After reading the note, the Texan decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

 

 

 

 

 

It read:

"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, a Porsche Turbo, Toyota Prius and Matrix, in my garage, beautiful homes in Aspen , Colorado and Miami and a ! 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back!!!