Yorkshire Pudding Posted February 20, 2003 Report Share Posted February 20, 2003 > >A letter to the london observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty > >Python). > >Letter to the Observer, Sunday January 26, 2003 > > > >I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: > >he's > >running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been > >really > >****** off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the > >street. > >Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both > >give me > >queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty > >for me, > >but > >so far I haven't been able to discover what. > >I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but > >he's > >got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr > >Patel, > >don't > >ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he > >is, in > >reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that > >if > >we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my > >neighbours > >say, > >if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply > >ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime > >with > >which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red > >tape > >and > >quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all > >the > >while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to > >me, > >while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. > >Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of > >automatic > >firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently > >that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has > >made it > >clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade > >in > >and do whatever I want! > >And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq > >is > >the only way to bring about international peace and security. The > >one > >certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers > >targeting the > >US > >or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never > >threatened > >us. > >That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife > >and > >children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us > >in > >peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. > > > >Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing > >Iraq is > >that > >Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass > >destruction > >- > >even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much > >justification > >for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for > >bombing > >Iraq. > >Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by > >eliminating > >'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim > >because > >how > >can you ever know when you've achieved it? > >How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When > >every > >single > >terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's > >committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These > >are > >the > >ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known > >terrorists, > >being > >suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps Mr > >Bush > >needs > >to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? > >Maybe he > >can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim > >fundamentalist > >is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to > >fundamentalism. > >Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate > >all > >Muslims? > >It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of > >the > >iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like > >and > >who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe > >until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but > >I > >tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United > >States. That shuts her up. > >Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough > >reason > >for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the > >whole > >street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand > >over > >all > >aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar > >terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and > >say > >'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. > > > >It's just as same as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in > >contrast > >to > >what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street. mmmmmmmmm all the best yis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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