Australian Traveller

[fiiish1987]

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place. Although she is attracted to him she says no.

He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in Australia.' Melbourne', he tells her.'

So am I.

What suburb?' she enquires.' Glen Iris' he replies.

'That's amazing,' she says excitedly, 'so am I - what street?' 'Cameo Street' he replies.

'This is unbelievable.........' she says, her voice quavering; 'What number?'

'Number 20', he replies.

She is totally astonished.' You are NOT going to believe this,' she screams, 'but I'm from number 19. My parents still live there!'

'I know...' he says, 'Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you'

[fiiish1987]

Just announced in Jane’s Defence!

 

It has been announced that the English are feeling aggrieved in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bl**dy Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bl**dy Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

 

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." This rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shouting loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."

 

Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Military Marching Songs."

 

They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy

[fiiish1987]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

 

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

 

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,"

says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

 

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up.

While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

 

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity.

The

hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

 

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

 

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"