The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
Building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.
The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in the cold.
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed
to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that
in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting
Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing
"We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that
the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his
"fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Inner
London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers
as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional
fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not
want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid
to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
can be socially mobile.
The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more
needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and
start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to
get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with
mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of
Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released
because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody.
initial moves to then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples
credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of
the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house.
He is shown to be taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's
drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their
treatment since arrival in the UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to get money for his drugs habit.
He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in
custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him.
Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched
robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost 10,000,000
and state the obvious, is set up
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum
seekers is increased.
The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised
by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.
The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure
of government to address the root causes of despair arising from
social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
