the last engineer Posted December 8, 2005 Report Share Posted December 8, 2005 SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Why do driver's education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong". What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****.... Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza Posted December 8, 2005 Report Share Posted December 8, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the last engineer Posted December 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2005 one for the ozzies Dashing through the bush, in a bright blue Holden Ute, Kicking up the dust, esky in the boot, Kelpie by my side, singing Christmas songs, It's Summer time and I'm in my singlet, shorts and thongs Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !, Oh what fun it is to ride in my bright blue Holden Ute. Engine's getting hot; we dodge the kangaroos, The swaggie climbs aboard, he is welcome too. All the family's there, sitting by the pool, Christmas Day the Aussie way, by the barbecue. Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!, Oh what fun it is to ride in a bright blue Holden Ute. Come the afternoon, Grandpa has a doze, The kids and Uncle Bruce, are swimming in their clothes. The time comes 'round to go, we take the family snap, Pack the car and all shoot through, before the washing up. Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!, Oh what fun it is to ride in my bright blue Holden Ute Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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