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Friday Jokes


Nildes
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1. Start at your local Railway Station

 

2. Catch train to London Heathrow Airport.

 

3. Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.

 

4. Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.

 

5. Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" - follow for 0.2 miles.

 

6. Turn left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for 0.3 miles

 

7. Turn left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North Airport Exit" - follow for 2.9 miles

 

8. Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2 miles

 

9. Then continue on "US 287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles

 

10. "US 287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" -follow for 0.7 miles

 

11. Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles

 

12. "US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" -follow for 2.8 miles

 

13. Continue to follow "US 287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles

 

14. Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles

 

15. Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles

 

16. Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles

 

17. Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles

 

18. Arrive at the centre of "Amarillo, Texas"

 

 

Now that's the way to ****!ng Amarillo!!!!!!!!

SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW . . .! :)

 

 

 

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Coliseum

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our

glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France.

We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."

The crowd is up on its feet.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar."

 

Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some ****, eh?

He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."

Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and again

addresses the crowd in the Coliseum: " Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I

have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed

50,000 Gauls".

The crowd is up on its feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty

Caesar".

 

Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his bullsh!t, I'm off

to France to check this out." So Brutus sets off for France and three

weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in

the Coliseum again "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for

Britain and we are going to sort those b!stards out" The crowd is, you

guessed it, up on its feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty

Caesar"

 

Brutus jumps up and shouts, "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that

you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it

out and you only killed 25,000!!!!"

The crowd is stunned at this challenge to imperial authority and all sit

down in silence. Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Coliseum then

across at Brutus and says, "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing..."

 

... wait for it ... [scroll below]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Away Gauls count double in Europe."

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