One for the Scots on here!

[Sargeant Bang]

There is panic in Heaven, because God has gone missing. The Archangels

are despatched to all corners in order to find Him and, at last, Gabriel

finds Him sitting in an out of the way place, head in hands, gazing lovingly

into the Great Void.

 

"Lord!" says Gabriel, "Where have you been, we were all so worried about

you when you didn't turn up for the darts match the other night!"

 

"Not to worry," says God. "I'm fine."

 

"What have You been doing, Lord?"

 

"I've been creating," says God proudly. "Look!"

 

Gabriel stares out into the Void and sees a blue and white and green ball

spinning in the blackness.

 

"Very nice. What is it?"

 

"It's a planet," says God, "and it's called Earth."

 

"What does it do?"

 

"It's about balance," says God. "Look. See this bit here? That's Europe.

Northern Europe is cold, rather austere, but industrious and wealthy.

Southern Europe is much warmer and jollier, but much poorer. Balance,

see?"

 

"I think so..."

 

"Another for instance...that bit over there is Asia, which will be home

to great traditions of philosophy, spirituality and art. It's in balance

with Europe, to a large extent, but in between is what I call a hot spot, the

Middle East. This is also going to be a centre of great spiritual

traditions, but also an area where poverty and great wealth go cheek by

jowl. And it will be an area of great turmoil between different peoples.

Balance, you see."

 

"Yes," says Gabriel, "I think I'm getting it."

 

God explains more about his creation, how North and South America are in

balance with each other, again with a hot spot between them to act as a

fulcrum. After a while, Gabriel points to one small spot on the globe and

asks:

 

"What's that bit called?"

 

"Ah!" says God, His face glowing with paternal pride. "That is the jewel

in the crown, the finest part of My creation. It's called Scotland."

 

"What makes it the best bit?" asks Gabriel.

 

"Such natural beauty...noble mountains with eagles soaring in the clear

air, gorgeous glens with beautiful rivers and streams, crystal sea lochs

full of shimmering silver herring...and the people, they will be

honourable and brave, poets and writers, explorers, adventurers, brave warriors,

engineers, men and women of medicine and science...and wherever they go

throughout the world, they will be admired for their qualities..."

 

"Hang on," says Gabriel, "I don't get it. If Earth is all about balance,

there's something missing here. How can Scotland be so perfect and still

have balance?"

 

"Aye," says God, "Nae bother...wait 'til ye see the bas*ards I've put next tae 'em"

 

:o

[BTMS]

 

Oh so true

 

Claymore at the ready