noah 2006

[Topgunners]

Noah in 2006

 

In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the

United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

 

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good

humans."

 

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark

before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -

but no Ark.

 

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a

building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for

a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the

neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the

height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a

decision.

 

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the

future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to

clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea

would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local

trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the

environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

 

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They

argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and

inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted

an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

 

I 'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission

on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

 

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most

of the people who want to work.

 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire

only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying

to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

 

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to

finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean

you're not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

 

Dave K