funny???

[kirky640]

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"

Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own

handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.

 

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded

message:

 

370HSSV-0773H

 

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice.

Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

 

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

 

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.

Within a minute, MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down

[kirky640]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,

"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

 

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine

sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about

it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a

doctor."

 

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine

sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,

the computer ejects a printout:

 

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy

activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @

Wal-Mart."

 

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe

beganwondering if the computer could be fooled.He mixed some tap water, a

stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a

sperm sample for good measure.

 

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten

dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

 

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

better!

 

Thank you for shopping

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> Three ducks walked into a bar.

>

> "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

> "Huey," was the reply.

> "How's your day been, Huey?"

> "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.

> What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

>

> "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck,

> "Hi, and what's your name?"

> "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

>

> "So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

> "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles

> all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

>

> The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be

Louie?"

> "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

>

[fulltimeshooter]

Classic Gold mate.

[kirky640]

Pantyhose quiz

 

 

 

 

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

 

 

Now, think about it.....

 

 

 

 

 

Ready?

 

 

 

 

 

ARE YOU SURE???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: 10 little piggies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 calves,

 

 

 

1 ***,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and an unknown number of hares.

 

 

 

Now I bet you didn't know that!

Ah come on now that was cute. Some times ya just need a short clean joke!

[kirky640]

>A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

> The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a

> huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss he beats

> it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased,

> he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as everyone knows that

> lions will eat anything.

>

> Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is

> attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two

> chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the

> lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. So he hurls the

> corpses into the lion enclosure.

>

> He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South

> American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He

> grabs his spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to

> do and throws them in.

>

> Later that day, a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another

> lion and asks "What's the food like here?"

> The lion replies "Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps

> with mushy bees."

>

 

 

 

New Study ............

 

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has

discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read

their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 

Have a good day

[dazza]

(with hand on mouse)

[Guest jonrms]

Pantyhose quiz

 

 

 

 

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

 

 

Now, think about it.....

 

 

 

 

 

Ready?

 

 

 

 

 

ARE YOU SURE???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: 10 little piggies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 calves,

 

 

 

1 ***,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and an unknown number of hares.

 

 

 

Now I bet you didn't know that!

Ah come on now that was cute. Some times ya just need a short clean joke!

 

 

You forgot.... one bit of this joke.... which is

 

 

 

and a untold amount of crabs.

 

****