for the weekend

[the last engineer]

thought you might like this ,it was posted to me from one of our vendors ,you can see he has too much time on his hands

 

have a good weekend hunting guys ,hope the weather is good ,its getting better all the time here now and even the snow is going LB.

 

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is

inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the

 

survival guide for taking a poop at the office.

 

 

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office

so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but

doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop

until the full **** has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure

the smell has left your pants.

 

 

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in

and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave

and come back again. Be careful not to become a

 

 

FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you

constantly going into the bathroom.

 

ESCAPEE: A **** that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or

forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden

wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.

Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in

the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both

parties feel uneasy.

 

 

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine

gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea. If this should

happen,do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has Left the

bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop

Hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink

up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF

 

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door

after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very

uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts,

it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This can be minimized

with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

 

 

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is

[#@!$] proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter

the bathroom with newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look

around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the

bathroom.

 

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where

you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the

opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper

entering your bathroom.

 

**** BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall

and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and

vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If

this occurs, remain in the stall until the **** Burglar leaves. This way

you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

 

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a

WATERMELON, or to alert potential **** Burglars. Very effective when

used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

 

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential ****

Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that

the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom

immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

 

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the

toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a

Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

 

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud

splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a

Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

 

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could

spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on

the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper,

as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This

benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

 

 

Martin

[Sergeant]

ROFLMAO

Seriously though, it is all too true.