Weekend joke

[ChrisNicholls]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her

room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and

noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched

her.

 

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went

to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this

sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the

coma."

 

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the

curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's

room.

 

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband

said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

[ChrisNicholls]

A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in

front of him. He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her

down. He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady

lying on her back on the road. She is groaning in pain. She mumbles,

"I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind."

 

Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and

says, "How many fingers do I have up?"

 

"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?"

[TX Sniper]

i dont get it?

[white fox]

i dont get it?

Cmon, it's much the same as:

Two Nuns in a bath, one says to the other "Where's the soap?" and the other replies "Yes it does doesn't it"

WF :blink:

[TX Sniper]

:blink:

[HAMMY]

Mr Sniper you've led too sheltered a life!! Get down the pub more.

 

 

Hammy

[Browning GTS]

Be Well Informed!!!

 

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he

stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed

her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

 

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the

car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and

immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

 

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to

remove his hand.

 

Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again

said,

"Father, remember Psalm 129?"

 

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."

 

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and

went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to

retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.

 

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

 

Moral of the story:

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity

Edited September 10, 2005 by Browning GTS

[Browning GTS]

High Hand Job

 

A guy is hanging out in his favourite bar in the banking part of London,

thinking about his wretched life, when he spots a fabulous babe walking in

on the arm of some ugly bloke. He asks the barman about her and is

surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of

the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.

 

The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again,

only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.

 

"Is it true you're a prostitute?"

 

"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"

 

"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"

 

"I get £100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there.."

 

"£100!?! For a handjob? Are you mad?"

 

"You see that Ferrari out there?"

The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new

Ferrari parked outside.

"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me,

it's worth it."

 

The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell.. He leaves

with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This

hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable

life.

 

The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up.

When she does, he immediately approaches her.

 

"Last night was incredible!"

 

"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs.."

 

"How much is that?"

 

"£500"

 

"£500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"

 

"You see that building across the street?"

The guy looks out the front and sees a three storey house.

"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust

me, it's worth it."

 

Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with

her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints --twice.

 

The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.

 

"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"

 

She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street,

where between the buildings he can see St.Paul's Cathedral.

 

"You see that building?"

 

"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!">

She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own that!"

[TX Sniper]

lol i get that one