DaveK Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many children?" asks the civil servant. "10" replies the girl. "10???" says the civil servant. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant. "'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames" A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise." Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "Gies that rid yin" The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher." A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!" "It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'them!" Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed." Danielle: "Ok." Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?" Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poacher Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 "The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher." " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham M Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 Dave, @ 35 years ago Sandra and I were shopping in Birmingham city centre, and along one of the lines of outside shops in the Bullring there used to be a sex shop. They were very new then and didn’t have their windows blanked out as they would today, and the window was full of all sorts of weird and wonderful things. I still remember walking along that line of shops and Sandra pointing to “Those little thermos flasks†in the window. (they were in their boxes) I laughed ‘till I cried, and when I told her what they were she went as red as a beetroot and hurried me orft down to buy some fruit and veg. Ah the age of innocence. G.M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirky640 Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many children?" asks the civil servant. "10" replies the girl. "10???" says the civil servant. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant. "'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames" A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise." Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "Gies that rid yin" The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher." A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!" "It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'them!" Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed." Danielle: "Ok." Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?" Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!" total quality thanks smiliy kirky =****** lugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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