THE FEMALE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS

[Browning GTS]

THE FEMALE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS

 

Car Parking

 

The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was

one of 19.36m (63ft 2in), equivalent to three standard parking spaces,

by Mrs Elizabeth Simpkins,driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on

12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,

Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8

hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings

of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two

lamp posts.

 

Film Confusion

 

The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband

without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th

October 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to

watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking

2min 40sec before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the

glasses?",revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own

record set in 1962 when she sat through 2min 38sec of '633 Squadron'

before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".

 

Incorrect Driving

 

The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504km

(313mile) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn(GB) at the

wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two

miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke

billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for

the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right

indicator flashing.

 

Shop Dithering

 

The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st

August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham

branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs

Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were

both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the

changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs

Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and

exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs

Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when,

starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of

shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks, two days before

eventually going home.

 

Jumble Sale Massacre

 

The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble

sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on

February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial

scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush

at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore

dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in

another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then

ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women.

The jumble sale raised 5.28 for local boyscouts.

 

Talking About Nothing

 

Mrs Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in

Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a

half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee,

cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was

exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The

outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs Vera Etherington

(GB) and her neighbour Mrs Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th

November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an

unelightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Booth remembered

she'd left the bath running.

 

Gossiping

 

On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes

Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of

which she told Mrs Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was

having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs Blatherwick left at 2.10pm,

Mrs Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to

secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it

had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair,

including the local Amateur dramatic society, several knitting circles,

a coach-load of American tourists which she flagged down and the

butchers wife. When a tired Mrs Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that

night Mrs Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering

75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.

 

Group Toilet Visit

 

The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet

simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social

Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night

club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs Beryl Crabtree got

up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other

members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at

9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2hr 37min

later.

 

Single-Breath Sentence

 

A Berkshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty

minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs Mavis Sommers,

48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she

excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her

neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds

without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on

the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but

was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth

motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute,

repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her

neighbour, Mrs Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the

sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes

being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and indignant

spasm.

[Dead-Eyed Duck]

Excellent, but I must dispute the shopping dithering record.

 

My wife broke that by several days at the Trafford Centre, Manchester last Xmas.

 

The socks that she bought me were several sizes too large, but were very useful as a scarf

 

Don

[plinker]

my wife and daughters are contenders for most of them

[dazza]