JOHNNY_RAZOR

Kip, your dad is one coolcat................... COOL CATS

Hey cats! The Razor is back ya dig? I have been keeping my head low to the ground after the run in with the gabbers, but they ain't got a clue where this cat's been holing up. You wanna hear what has been going on? Well let me tell you it's been all go for sure. After getting away me and tha boys went under ground and hid our tracks. I was considering plastic surgery but hey, that would be far too cruel for the chicks. They love ol' Johhny just the way he is, ya dig? I had to change my wheels, the boys said it stuck out too much but man that Cortina was way cool and it broke my heart to lose it but man have I got a red hot new set of wheels, you have never seen a finer Zodiac man she is sweet. Jet black and slammed low to the weeds. With the 8 track blowing out some banging rock 'n' roll we are blazing our trail into the sunset. After the heat died down we headed back into town. Obviously the Kilburn High road was outa the question as this face was too well known so we had to find a new home. Finally settled down in Streatham, man that is one messed up place. Went into that Ceasers night club on the High Street, man the place has changed. No matter how many times I asked they would not play any Crazy Cavan and the Rhythm Rockers. It was all this electro music all night. Still the good thing was my headache was cured by those asprin that hippy was selling, one tablet and it didn't seem that bad, why after half an hour I was on the floor bopping and jiving the night away. That was just before they chucked me out, said they didn't want my type in there. It was lucky for them that there was three of them, otherwise there would have been blood spilt. Man if I see them again they are gonna get shanked. Bouncer, if you are reading this then I have just given your girlfriend the clap and if you wanna do something about it then meet behind the bus station tonight at 10p.m. Bring ya shiv cos ya gonna need it cat! It wasn't all bad cos I managed to pull a groovy chick and we made sweet, sweet love all night long. Thing is that now the ********* has worn off she keeps calling me grandad and threatening to call the police. Ungrateful bitch, nobody gets three Barcardi breezers off ol' Johnny without coming up with tha goods. Gotta go now as staying in one place too long is bad news, just waiting for the rozzers to come knocking ya dig, keep one step ahead. I got plenty of other stories to tell ya about my adventures but you gotta ask nicely! Those mods are hot on my case, but they'll never take me alive!

Looks like I'm in trouble cats, looks like I'm gonna have to blow this gig and go on the run. Things didn't go to plan yesterday at the clay ground. It started badly when Cross eyed carl put on his balaclava with one of the holes sewn up, somthing about curing eye dominance. Next thing instead of shouting pull the cats yelling "put the money in the bag and no one gets hurt", old habits die hard I guess. Oh man the silence that followed was a killer but I think we could have got away with it if Tricky Dicky hadn't pulled the revolver out of the yellow duster to try his hand at skeet. Next thing the head dude is asking us to make good our exit, man I ain't going back there those toffs are one scarey bunch. On the way home things went from bad to worse as my buddies wanted to nip into the post office for stamps, handing me a pair of tight on the way outta the car. Next thing alarm bells and all hell breaking loose, man I wish i'd put those tights on but nothing gonna mess up Johnnys quiff you know what I'm sayin'. Cat that Cortina can move when it has to, I had it up to 60 along Kings Road, we even had time to spit at some punks when we hit traffic. So looks like you won't be hearing from me for a while cats, i'm going to ground up North, maybe Manchester. I'm warming up my poker dice for that new casino gonna roll me a sweet lucky 13. So next time you doin' the peppermint twist to your favorite beat combo at the hop think of this mean ol' Rockabilly Rebel .........................

Would my buddy Dougy Giro have state that his wheels have been modified? http://cache.jalopnik.com/cars/blowncrx.jpg

My cousins in Wales love Hillbilly, that and moonshine. Can't understand what the cats are saying half the time but they can swing and jive all night long.

Just remember Pedro, I'm a face to be reckoned with. No one laughs at Johnny, it took 3 bouncers to evict me from the Bishop Stopford R'n'R alldayer. Johnny knows how to keep a grudge, just pray it ain't with you.

I have had a few buddies go away for various streches, ol' Johnny looks after their women, if ya know what I mean. They never stray far when they've had the best.

It's not a book you cat, but you cannot spend your dough on a finer piece or print, take out a subscription with your wad. http://www.teddyboycollared.com/mag/src/8.gif

Is it worth my buddy Mick the spik applying? It was 20 years since that post office job he was accused of was thrown out of court because of allegations of police brutality. He still has the shotgun but it's now 2 foot shorter, will it still be o.k. for clays?

No, this is the real Johnny Razor, the real deal and no blast from the past.

Shakin Stevens is a fraud, he just a wagon hopping cabaret singer. Shawaddywaddy on the other hand are the real deal, I never miss them when they play Pontins. I bop the night away under the moon of love..........

I ain't no 60's hippie man, I'm a straight talkin' whiskey sippin' mean son of a gun.

I can see you cats are a firery lot. Still Johnny can handle it, take more than a few whipper snappers to keep this boy down.

Well cats it's nearly that time of the week again and ol' Johnny is a wonderin' where to spend the weekend. I spend all week working hard for the big man at the factory and I just gotta bust out and cut a rug at the weekend. I was thinking of driving down to Brighton with my buddies "Tony the pony" and "Crossed eyed Carl" to look for those mods that were on our case. Cross eyed Carl (who was just plain ol' Carl till they hit him with the deckchair) has still got a real beef with them. The only trouble is we have to be back by 7 o'clock because Tony has a curfew, part of the agreement with the court. Man that tag is a real ******, it spoils the cut of his drain pipes and has worn the cuff of his best brothel creepers. Still he has to wear it otherwise it's back to the big house on the hill. He had enough of sharing a crib with Diamond Dave last time. Dave if your reading this, don't worry those 15 years will fly by, and if it's any consolation we think she had it coming as well. Rot in Hell Marybeth. Anyways enough rabbit what you lot doing? Fancey meeting up in Brighton?

Don't you mean vinyl? Surely wax would mess up your stylus, grandad? Who you calling grandad? That kinda talk is gonna lead to a rumble...