Pike Posted August 27, 2005 Report Share Posted August 27, 2005 ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL **NEWS REPORT** A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Friday 19th March 2004. Epicentre: Dagenham, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "fackin ell" and "whatta cant." The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Rear spoliers and body kits have fallen off at least 75% of the county's cars. Many locals were woken well before their giro cheque arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning." Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and fake sun tan lotion. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is the most sought after: High priority items to restore some local dignity include:> Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (in family packs) White sport socks Rockport boots Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include :> Microwave pizzas Haggen Daaz tubs Crates of Stella Just Think 22p will buy a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £5 will buy enough chips,crisps and coke for a family of 9 £25 will pay for a days supply of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the influx of superior accomodation may drive down property prices in nearby Pittsea and Laindon. **BREAKING NEWS** Rescue workers have just dragged a blood soaked young girl from the rubble. When asked by the rescuers -'where are you bleeding from?' she replied "Bleedin Romford" If you have ever been to my neck of the woods you will know how sad but true this is :unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white fox Posted August 27, 2005 Report Share Posted August 27, 2005 V Funny - but could be true :unsure: :blink: WF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted August 27, 2005 Report Share Posted August 27, 2005 :unsure: :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted August 27, 2005 Report Share Posted August 27, 2005 ***** Nice one Pike :unsure: LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackthorn Posted August 27, 2005 Report Share Posted August 27, 2005 :unsure: :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKEBITE Posted August 28, 2005 Report Share Posted August 28, 2005 They say the truth is stranger than fiction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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