Pierre

[Gungadin]

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"

 

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

 

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

 

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.

 

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

 

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!"

 

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

 

Our hero stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

[Gungadin]

Career Advice

 

Lesson Number One

 

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

 

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two

 

A turkey was chatting with a bull:

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

 

Moral of the story: ******** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

 

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there , a cow came by and **** on it. As the freezing bird lay in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard him singing and came to investigate. Following the sound the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 

Morals of this Story:

1) Not everyone who drops **** on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep ****, keep your mouth shut.

Summary

 

An organisation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up and some merely fooling around.

- The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

- The monkeys at the bottom look up and see nothing but *********!!!!

[johnskevena]

Excellent :o :yp: :(

[Pedro]

That bit about the monkeys is absolutely spot on. :o

P.