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Universal Law


lurcherboy
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LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

 

Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

 

 

Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

 

 

Law of Probability:

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

 

 

Law of the Telephone:

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

 

 

Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

 

 

Variation Law:

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

 

 

Law of the Bath:

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

 

 

Law of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with

 

 

Law of the Result:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

 

 

Law of Bio mechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

 

 

Law of the Theatre:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

 

 

Law of Coffee:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 

 

Murphy's Law of Lockers:

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

 

 

Law of Rugs/Carpets:

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

 

 

Law of Location:

No matter where you go, there you are.

 

 

Law of Logical Argument:

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

 

 

Brown's Law:

If the shoe fits, she's ugly.

 

 

Oliver's Law:

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

 

 

Wilson's Law:

As soon as you find something that you really like, they will stop making it.

 

 

 

 

LB

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If you climb into a high seat, pheasants and crows will spot you and raise the alarm at the critical moment.

 

If you pluck a few birds and put the feathers into the garbage bag, some bloody fox will rip it open and spread them all down the street so that the neighbours know what you've been up to.

 

The vicar always calls just when you get stuck into drawing the gizzards out of a well hung pheasant.

 

If you put on a suit for an interview, the baby will be sick down your back when you pick it up.

 

If you join a queue at the supermarket, all the other queues will move faster.

 

Any supermarket trolley you pick will suddenly only go on three wheels and sideways once you put two pieces of shopping in.

 

Strange dogs will always hump your leg when you're trying to impress a posh bird at a bar.

 

Nobody's ever around when you shoot a classic left and right going away high birds :P

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If you climb into a high seat, pheasants and crows will spot you and raise the alarm at the critical moment.

 

If you pluck a few birds and put the feathers into the garbage bag, some bloody fox will rip it open and spread them all down the street so that the neighbours know what you've been up to.

 

The vicar always calls just when you get stuck into drawing the gizzards out of a well hung pheasant.

 

If you put on a suit for an interview, the baby will be sick down your back when you pick it up.

 

If you join a queue at the supermarket, all the other queues will move faster.

 

Any supermarket trolley you pick will suddenly only go on three wheels and sideways once you put two pieces of shopping in.

 

Strange dogs will always hump your leg when you're trying to impress a posh bird at a bar.

 

Nobody's ever around when you shoot a classic left and right going away high birds :P

 

 

 

:P?:lol:?:P?:P?:D?:)??

 

You are a very strange person. Dogs humping your legs in bars :lol:?:eh:??????????????

 

Weird

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