the last engineer Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 hope this hasnt been posted yet, just in from the aussie boss, thought LB might like it An Italian, a German and an Australian football fan were arrested in an small Arabian state when they were caught ******* on a religious building after an all night drinking binge. The trio have to face up to the local sultan and are dished out the typical punishment for religious desecration - 20 lashes of the whip to the back. But the Sultan was a big football fan so he kindly granted them two wishes each - but they were not allowed to lower the number of lashes or the type of punishment. The Italian says " Well we are the World Champions so I go first. I want the pleasure a beer and a pillow.". The Sultan grants his wishes. With a wide grin the Italian drinks his beer and binds the pillow to his naked back. But after 10 lashes the pillow falls apart and he has to painfully endure the remaining 10 lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back. The German saw all this and spends a few minutes thinking before smiling. "I would like to have two pillows for my back". The Sultan thinks about the uniqueness of the wishes but decides to grant it given he has used up his two wishes in one go. However after 15 lashes of the wip both pillows have fallen apart and the German has to painfully endure the remaining 5 lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back. The Australian is grinning from ear to ear and mutters something under his breath about a ******** penalty. "Ok my first wish is to double the number of lashes to 40." There is stunned silence in the hall. The Italian, German and Sultan are a little surprised at the first wish but then remember the strong fighting performance the Aussies put up during the World Cup in Germany 2006. The Italian and German look at each other and nod in admiration - obviously this Aussie wants to show how tough he is. The Sultan ask the Aussie for his second wish. "Tie the Italian to my back" he replies. and to follow My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch." Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno 357 Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 Second joke :o Jonno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 Heard the first with different nationalities But the second was a blinder LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferret Master Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 I've heard the second on here before but the first one was brilliant. FM :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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