highdowns hunter Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 Some great puns to start the year. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire > in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your > kayak and heat it, too. > > Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood > and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields > and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as > the lesser of two weevils. > > A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up > to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." > > A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a > beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." > > Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. > One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" > "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" > > Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain > during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. > > A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing > in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about > an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. > "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I > can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." > > A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes > to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in > Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of > himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her > husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband > responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal. > > This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in > his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, > "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's > served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the > hubcap?" The waiter sings, "O, there's no plate like chrome for the > hollandaise!" > > When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. > > A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut > daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would > always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, > as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to > find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw > together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The > doctor > came in took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut > daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory > daiquiri, doc." > > A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something > to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and > reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion > quickly > pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king > of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. > > There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in > ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. > Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernyha Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 Good grief HH ,where did you get your Christmas crackers from ? :what: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranfield Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 .........and the Forum echoed with the sound of loud groans. :S :S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest flightline Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 One morning, two brothers, 6 and 4, decide they`ll start swearing for the first time to see what happened with Mummy. The older one was asked by Mum what he wanted for breakfast. "S...ing Cocopops" he says. He gets such a whack he reels from the table. Mum asks the younger one what he`ll have. "Well, definitely not the f...ing Cocopops" says he. :laugh: Not a pun but good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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