lurcherboy Posted May 27, 2007 Report Share Posted May 27, 2007 Oil Change instructions for Women. 1) Pull up to Kwit-fit centre when the mileage reaches 6000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil change £25.00, coffee £1.00, total cost £26.00 Oil Change instructions for Men. 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a gallon of oil, oil filter, cat litter, swarfega, write a cheque out for £50.00. 2) Stop by the supermarket and buy a case of lager, write a check for £20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for axle stands. 5) Find axle stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 17 m spanner. 9) Give up and use mole wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splashing very hot oil on you in process, swear loudly. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Spread cat litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter strap. 15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from new exit holes in filter. 17) Secretly hide old oil filter amongst **** in the wheelie bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 18) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 19) Start pouring fresh oil into engine. 20) Remember drain plug from step 11. 21) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 22) Drink beer. 23) Discover that first lot of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw cat litter on oil spill. 24) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 25) Crawl under car getting cat litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid mole wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on sump removing any excess skin from knuckles. 26) Begin swearing and kicking things. 27) Throw stupid mole wrench away. 28) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit greenhouse. 29) Beer. 30) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 31) Beer. 32) Pour in the rest of the oil. 33) Beer. 34) Lower car from axle stands. 35) Move car back to apply more cat litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 36) Beer. 37) Test drive car. 38) Get pulled over: arrested for drink driving. 39) Car gets impounded. 40) Call loving wife and ask for lift home. 40) 12 hours later get wife to drive you to collect car from impound yard. Money spent:Parts, £50.00, beer £20.00, d&d fine £450.00, pound fee £75.00, total £595.00 But at least you know the job was done " right " ! LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dusk2dawn Posted May 28, 2007 Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 LB forgot to warn the unitiated and especially lone lady motorists to stay well away from KWIKFIT, go in for a tyre and they try it on something awful, ok they say they will give a free brake check, but then try to relieve you of as much cash for parts that still have lots of miles left as they possibly can. This has happened to alot of people I know and too many for it not to be company policy. D2D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pin Posted May 28, 2007 Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 Classic, done it all but the DD bit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted May 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 LB forgot to warn the unitiated and especially lone lady motorists to stay well away from KWIKFIT, go in for a tyre and they try it on something awful, ok they say they will give a free brake check, but then try to relieve you of as much cash for parts that still have lots of miles left as they possibly can. This has happened to alot of people I know and too many for it not to be company policy. D2D I see plenty of these reports for customers from Krapwits when they are looking for a second opinion. Although they are scaring customers they aren't doing anything illegal. For example: both front discs require changing, what they should say is they need changing at the next pad change but lets do them now and get your dosh in our till. Some would call it sharp practice, I would call it a touch of the **** Turpins LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BSA Shaun Posted May 28, 2007 Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 LB forgot to warn the unitiated and especially lone lady motorists to stay well away from KWIKFIT, go in for a tyre and they try it on something awful, ok they say they will give a free brake check, but then try to relieve you of as much cash for parts that still have lots of miles left as they possibly can. This has happened to alot of people I know and too many for it not to be company policy. D2D You are so right mate. Had low brake pads and a long journey ahead so whipped the car in there for a new set. Anyway they come back with "you need new discs all round", to which I replied "show me with a set of vernier calipers". Long story short new set of brake pads and a red faced p***k with his tail between his legs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bradders Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 Has a similar experience with kwikfit, have to use them because it's a company car leased via Lex. Dad a pair of tyres fitted and they were both fitted the wrong way round despite a "direction or rotation" arrow clearly marking the correct way. Just as well I checked before I drove off, had a right old barney with them..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hodmedod.one Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 17) Secretly hide old oil filter amongst **** in the wheelie bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. I don't know why but this one made me laugh the most Absolutely golden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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