BOHEMIAN CURRY

[LEFTY478]

BOHEMIAN CURRY

 

Sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody

 

 

Naan-aa, just killed a man

Poppadom against his head

Had lime pickle, now he’s dead.

 

Naan-naa, dinner just begun

But now I’m going to **** it all away.

 

Naan-aa, ooh-ooh

Didn’t mean to make you cry,

Seen nothin’ yet just see the loo tomorrow,

Curry on, Curry on,

‘cause nothing really madras.

 

Too late, my dinner’s gone

Sends shivers up my spine

Rectum aching all the time.

Goodbye every bhaji, I’ve got to go

Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.

 

Naa-na, ooh ooh,

This Dopiaza’s mild,

I Sometimes wish we’d never come here at all....

 

(Guitar solo)

 

I see a little chicken tikka on the side,

Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh

pass the chutney made of mango.

Vindaloo does nicely

Very very spicey

ME

Biryani (Biryani)

Biryani (Biryani)

Biryani and a naan,

(A vindaloo loo loooo..)

I’ve eaten balti, somebody help me

He’s eaten balti, get him to a lavatory

Stand you well back

Cause this loo is quarantined.

 

 

Here it comes,

There it goes,

technicolor yawn.

I chunder

No

It’s coming up again

(There he goes) I chunder

It’s coming up again

(There he goes) It’s coming up again, (Up again)

Coming up again (up again)

Here it comes again

(No no no no no non o no no No)

On my knees, I’m on my knees, I’m on my knees

Oh there he goes

This vindaloo

Is about to wreck my guts

Poor me....Poor me...Poor me !

 

(Guiter solo)

 

So you think you can chunder and still it’s alright ?

So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?

Ohh maybe, now you’ll puke like a baby,

Just had to come out,

Just had to come right out in here....

 

(Guitar solo)

 

Korma, saag or bhuna,

Balti, naan, bhaji.

Nothing makes a difference

Nothing makes a difference to me

(Anyway, my wind blows.)

[death from below]

Quality mate.....the original will never be listened to again in the same light......I will be thinking of the curry lyrics from now on.

[LEFTY478]

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy.

 

He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

 

Mrs. Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

 

The reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

 

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

 

The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

 

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

[LEFTY478]

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

 

A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.

 

"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"

 

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to **** it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

[LEFTY478]

Three college students were asked by their lecturer to spend a few minutes thinking about their girlfriends. He then asked them to compare their girlfriends personalities to a type of bird, and give reasons for reaching their conclusion.

The first student stated, "My girlfriend is like a peacock. She is really gorgeous and she knows it. She struts around loving the admiring looks and comments that she receives."

"Excellent," replies the lecturer, before asking student number two for his comments.

The second student replies, "My girlfriend is like a parrot, bold and brash. She dyes her hair red and wears the most brightly coloured clothes she can get".

"Brilliant," replies the lecturer before turning to the third student. "Now can we have your comparison?"

Student number three ponders for a moment and says, "My girlfriend is like a thrush".

"Thats lovely. Is that because she's got a beautiful singing voice?" interrupts the lecturer.

"No," replies the student, "it's because she's an irritable ****"

[death from below]

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy.

 

He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

 

Mrs. Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

 

The reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

 

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

 

The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

 

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

 

Oh dear........I like the octopus one though :blink:

[LEFTY478]

A man drags a huge box to The Antiques Roadshow, and after a long wait he's finally ushered towards an expert:

"Where did you get this then?" asks the ageing know-it-all

"Its been in my loft for about forty years" replies the man "I assume it must be some sort of heirloom"

"I see" says the expert, looking it over,"tell me, do you have it insured?"

"I don't" says the man, thinking his luck might be in "should I?"

"Absolutely!" insists the expert "it's your sodding water tank!"

[berettaman1]

did you hear the one about the bishop and the chorus girl with the huge bazzoomers ? the bishop says, would you like to... OOPS I got in enough trouble last time for telling jokes!!!!!. :blink:

[death from below]

did you hear the one about the bishop and the chorus girl with the huge bazzoomers ? the bishop says, would you like to... OOPS I got in enough trouble last time for telling jokes!!!!!. :blink:

 

I missed the original naughty one that caused soooooo much offence to certain individuals.......Bman please PM it to me. :blink: