Getting old ?

[lurcherboy]

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that

they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down

to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets

up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she

asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down

because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with

strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd

better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,

for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

 

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his

wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and

says - "Where's my toast?

 

 

 

Keep Reading

 

 

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost

me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

 

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

 

"Twelve thirty ."

 

 

Keep Reading

 

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few

days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous

young woman on his arm.

 

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really

doing great, aren't you?"

 

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be

cheerful.'"

 

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be

careful.'"

 

 

And one for the under 80's

 

 

My wife left me and I just don't understand.

 

After the last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on

expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a

12-pack on weekends.

 

Anyway, I gave it up but then I noticed the other day when she came home

from grocery shopping. The receipt included £45 in makeup.

 

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up

anything!"

 

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

 

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

 

I don't think she'll be back.

 

 

LB

[new to the flock]

 

****......but thats because I forgot the way to the toilet..... :*) :*) :*)

 

NTTF

[johnskevena]

Top class lb

[Axe]

Back on form

[lurcherboy]

PROSTITUTE'S TAX RETURN

 

 

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she

needed to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to

ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number,

etc, and then asks, "What is your occupation?"

I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no, that won't work. That is

too gross. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite

chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a

whore/call girl?"

"Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year."

 

"Good enough!"

 

 

 

LB