Disaster in Barnsley

[roadkill]

Disaster in Barnsley

 

An Appeal for Your Help!

 

 

 

 

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early

hours of Tuesday morning. Epicentre: Barnsley, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000

racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly

muttering

"*********l" and "choffin-norah".

 

The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several

priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the

Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical

burnt out cars were disturbed.

 

Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio

Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and

bewildered, still

trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had

happened in Barnsley.

 

One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said:

"It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my

bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it

all. I

was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning".

 

Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car

crime carried on as normal.

 

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of

Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of

stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found

large quantities

of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from

Elizabeth

Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

 

 

 

Can You Help....?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing

for the victims of this disaster.

 

 

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:

 

 

· Fila or Burberry baseball caps

 

 

· Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

 

 

· Shell suits (female)

 

 

· White sports socks

 

 

· Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

 

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your

efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or

Special Brew are ideal.

 

Please do not give anything that requires peeling!

 

 

 

Remember:

 

 

· 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

 

 

· £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

 

 

· £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's

nerves

 

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

 

Please do not send tents for shelter.

The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the

surrounding South Yorkshire communities.

[darebear]

and what about the greggs cheese pastie!

 

staple diet of the under 5's.

[Lord Geordie]

Aww Shucks

 

Thanks for the compliment Darebear i LOVE greggs cheese pasties (though my body doesn't!) so does that mean I still look like a five year old

 

LG

[darebear]

Aww Shucks

 

Thanks for the compliment Darebear i LOVE greggs cheese pasties (though my body doesn't!) so does that mean I still look like a five year old

 

LG

 

 

 

ummmmmmmmmmmm

 

can i plead the fifth?

[moucher]

Disaster in leicester''

 

THE OWLS 4 LEICESTER CITY 1

 

Moucher

[kirky640]

nice one road kill made me chukle mate cheers

KIRKY

[dazza]

:(