darebear Posted February 11, 2007 Report Share Posted February 11, 2007 DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish - 49 Adventurous - Slept with everyone Athletic - No tits Average looking - Ugly Beautiful - Pathological liar Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure - On medication Feminist - Fat Free spirit - Junkie Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person Fun - Annoying New Age - Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded - Desperate Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing Passionate - Sloppy drunk Professional - Bitch Voluptuous - Very Fat Large frame - Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate - Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = you're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tosspot Posted February 11, 2007 Report Share Posted February 11, 2007 this reminds me of a male friend of mine, George who underwent the sex change op and is now Georgina he said that the most painful part of the whole thing was when he had his mouth stretched and his brain shrunk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted February 11, 2007 Report Share Posted February 11, 2007 this reminds me of a male friend of mine, George who underwent the sex change op and is now Georgina he said that the most painful part of the whole thing was when he had his mouth stretched and his brain shrunk THATS ABOUT RIGHT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted February 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2007 michael? that joke is nearly as old as you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highlander Posted February 12, 2007 Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 OR... RULES THAT MEN WISHED WOMEN KNEW. 1. If you think your fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat, if it’s up, put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair, EVER. 4. Sometimes, were not thinking of you. Live with it. 5. Saturday = sports. 6. Anything you wear is fine, really. 7. Women wearing wonder bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 8. You have too many shoes. 9. Crying is blackmail. 10. Ask for what you want, subtle hints don't work. 11. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range; we're bound to miss sometimes. 12. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers. 13. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem, see a doctor. 14. Don't fake it, we'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 15. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 16. If something we said can be interpreted in 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 17. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how beautiful you are. 18. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 19. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, not both. 20. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 21. You have enough clothes. 22. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex. Stay on here DB you just might learn something Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted February 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 yeah, i've learned you wanna fat lip when i eventually bump into you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pin Posted February 12, 2007 Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 And they say blokes are violent, I don't think I have seen so many threats from one person, ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted February 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 And they say blokes are violent, I don't think I have seen so many threats from one person, ever well now, think yourself lucky you havent been on the receiving end of me carrying out my threats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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