Essex Earthquake Appeal

[Paul in North Lincs.]

ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

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A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on

the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its

epicentre in Basildon.

 

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

 

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of

damage.

 

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa

Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

 

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals

were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that

hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still

trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had

happened in Basildon.

 

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It

was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my

bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm

slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and

watching Trisha the next morning."

 

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried

on as normal.

 

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny

Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are

still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of

personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth

Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

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This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those

unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most

sought after - items most needed include Fila or Burberry baseball

caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

 

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or

Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

**Breaking news**

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Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry

alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said

the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?

 

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they

won't be able to read it, anyway.

[LEFTY478]

Quality!

 

 

 

B)

[BSA Shaun]

B)

[Conygree]

Love it We have a nasty little outbreak 'chaves' in their prison white trainers, on the local 'overspill reservation'. Couldn't we solve two problems in one solution, 'hunt 'chaves & anti's with dogs packs, it would help the local economy???

 

No mention of how with the lack of communications from the fallen/nicked generator mobile phone mast on how the basics of western life have been restored to some of the remote areas 100m from the city center are coping. One report claimed the 'chaves' now all walk on the same side of the street as they can't use their mobiles??

 

When can you supply an update of how they are coping without being able to drive a lowered Corsa in the rubbish (sorry - I mean rubble) covered streets, and is it true the police turning a blind eye to their driving illegal cars during this trumatic period ( 1997 -2010) ??