are you a

[ME]

....a bit American but you get the sentiment -

 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach,

you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have

spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

 

 

2. If you have a cat, you are a flaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but

gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a

delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just

thinkabout how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ***

overhere, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Bun-bun, come to daddy,

snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

 

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on

BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or

tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

 

 

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or **** in a

parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his

bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

 

 

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will

never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy

Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

 

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four

different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be

handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain

to remember all of that ****. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know

what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other

than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

 

 

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying

to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at

a slow-*** driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs

that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

 

 

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list

because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you are definitely on

the verge on being a fudgepacker.

[lurcherboy]

No but guessing you are what with being munglers special friend

 

 

 

 

 

LV

[Cranfield]

LB, you also have to ask yourself, "how does he know all this stuff ?"

[Lurch]

Oh dear, I seem to be a shirtlifter!

I loves my cats.