waddy Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.... BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly.... it was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking ......... BUMP........BUMP........ BUMP........BUMP........ BUMP........BUMP........ The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin, allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges, as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP.... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... he grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin....... still it came ...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ....... still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ..... still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped. Sorry - I'll get my coat ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTMS Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 Crazy but good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 Im not sure I shoudl laugh or cry after wading through that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pike Posted October 27, 2005 Report Share Posted October 27, 2005 Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those." "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant... "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted October 27, 2005 Report Share Posted October 27, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_seagrave Posted October 27, 2005 Report Share Posted October 27, 2005 That, my friend, is brilliant. LS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BountyHunter Posted October 27, 2005 Report Share Posted October 27, 2005 Oh my goodness me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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