lurcherboy Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket onlythe $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condor; the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?" The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline, and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence such certitude,! that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. "I need an answer," said the host. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" asked the host. "Yes, that is my final answer." replied the contestant. Moments later the host said, "That answer is..........absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!" Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant "because of your answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. So, how did you happen to know the right answer?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks." LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiercel Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Dont call us! We'll call you. ps Dont give up the day job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno 357 Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 One one thumb up LB Jonno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirky640 Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 stick to puting timing belts on mate!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisNicholls Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Tragic. Not one of your best efforts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted September 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Lets see if I can redeem myself then. A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man replies. "I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more." "But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!" 10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done." With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch." "Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari." Another... A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "I can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back." Another.... Son: Dad, I have a special report for school. Can I ask you a question? Dad: Sure son, what's the question? Son: What is politics? Dad: Well son, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me the management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so let's call her the government. We take care of you and your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll call the maid the working class and your baby brother the future. Understand? Son: I'm not really sure dad, I'll have to think about it. That night, the boy is awakened by his baby brother's crying, so he went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had a heavily soiled diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother fast asleep. He then went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard. The boy went back to his room and went to sleep. The next morning.......................... Son: Dad, I think I understand politics. Dad: That's great son, explain it to me in your own words. Son: While the management is screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep, the people are being completely ignored and the future is full of ****! LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirky640 Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 s h i t e but great jokes cheers mate will i get in trouble for this??? ive been good since i was at school onest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pike Posted September 6, 2006 Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Keep it up LB It's all thats keeping me sane at work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted September 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Keep it up LB It's all thats keeping me sane at work! I will text the proper ones to you Pike. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.