Cranfield Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Most of you will be familiar with Chuck Norris the all American hero, who is now 66 and still appearing in obscure action movies, on even more obscure satellite channels. Here are a few things you may not know about Chuck Norris (sent to me by a friend in the US). 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. 2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. 7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. -Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets. 9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Indian. 10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. 11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Additional Chuck Norris Facts * Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. * Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the down. * Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. * The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. * Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. * Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. * If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. * When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. * The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. * Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. * There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. * Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. * In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. * Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. * A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. * Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. * Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" * Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. * Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. * Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. * 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. * Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. * In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. * Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Marbles 'N' Gravel. * In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 :blink: This ones my fave :- 6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. :blink: Love it ! all the best yis yp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnskevena Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Good one :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 :blink: :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digga Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 (edited) "Dead ard" ...god old Chuck,.... if i remember rightly Bruce Lee give him a whupping! :blink: :blink: Edited January 21, 2006 by digga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackthorn Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 digga thats why bruce died Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the last engineer Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 cracking Cranfield, splitting my sides here :blink: :blink: Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digga Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 (edited) yes, i believe he died from a deadly move called the "vibrating palm" :blink: :blink: apparently, you dont know youv been hit untill you wake up dead Edited January 21, 2006 by digga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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