Office dares

[henry d]

I found these on another site and thought you might enjoy them........

 

ONE-POINT DARE

 

1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

5. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

6. When in a lift with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

 

THREE-POINT DARES

 

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.

 

FIVE-POINT DARES

 

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.

11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

14. Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.

15. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly,

"I'll see you tonight".

[Dave-G]

Thats very good

[wickedandlazee]

Will have to try some of those out

 

Will always remember when i worked in a lab and we kept ringing this guy who had a high pitched voice, but before we spoke we used to inhale helium - it used to wind him up something chronic.

 

We also used to do the anchor cows song in front of people while they were on the phone - not many could withstand that without having to end the call

[P03]

Don't believe it's a true story. If it is - he's an idiot,

I'll try the No.7 five pointer next time I'm on the 25M range.

[SNAKEBITE]

What happens if these are all normal daily occurences? Can you come up with anything I don't do already?

[fiiish1987]

At the hospital we've got a change machine. Everytime I walk past and someone puts a note in and gets change I like to say something along the lines of "You jammy ***! I've been feeding that for months and you walk up and get the jackpot!" It realy annoys doctors

[Ferret Master]

Another similar funny:

 

Student dares.

 

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

 

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

 

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

 

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

 

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

 

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

 

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

 

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

 

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

 

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

 

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

 

12. Sniffle incessantly.

 

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

 

14. Name your dog "Dog."

 

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

 

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

 

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

 

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

 

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

 

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

 

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

 

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

 

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

 

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

 

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

 

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

 

27. Wear a special hip holster for your

remote control.

 

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

 

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

 

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

 

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

 

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

 

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

 

34. Drum on every available surface.

 

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

 

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

 

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

 

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips

into peoples backpacks.

 

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

 

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

 

41. Set alarms for random times.

 

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

 

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

 

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

 

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

 

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

 

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

 

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

 

49. Wear your pants backwards.

 

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

 

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

 

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

 

53. only type in lowercase.

 

54. dont use any punctuation either

 

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

 

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

 

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

 

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

 

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

 

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

 

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

 

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

 

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

 

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

 

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

 

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

 

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

 

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

 

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

 

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

 

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

 

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

 

73. Drive half a block.

 

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

 

75. Ask people what gender they are.

 

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

 

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

 

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

 

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

 

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

 

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

 

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

 

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

 

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

 

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

 

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

 

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

 

88. Sing along at the opera.

 

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

 

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

 

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

 

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

 

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about "psychological profiles."

 

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

 

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

 

96. Never make eye contact.

 

97. Never break eye contact.

 

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

 

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

 

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

 

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

 

 

FM