Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 4, 2004 Report Share Posted January 4, 2004 Happy New Year to all and may this year bring peace and health and most of all some seriously "good humor"!!! Just when you were thinking that 2004 should be a less complicated life ...read the following!!!! Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far away from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet. After 6 months or so of total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a New Years party Thursday night ...thought you might like to come...about 5:00." "Great," says Tom, "after 6 months out here, I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you!" As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you .There's gonna be some drinkin.'" "Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin' too." Tom says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again, Lars turns from the door. "More 'n likely be some wild sex, too." "Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for 6 months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us." all the best yis yp :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bill Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 :o :thumbs: :thumbs: :*) :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sniper Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 The old 'uns are the best YP :o :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzer Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 :o LMAO !!!!!! nice one chap :thumbs: :thumbs: All the best Buzz :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 I think you have found the level now yp :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vermin Dropper Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 :yp: That's more like it yp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow_Misser Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 As funny as it is only 8/10 as I'm sure you can do better :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyni Posted January 6, 2004 Report Share Posted January 6, 2004 A bloke is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot". "Holy ****", the bloke replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word", says the parrot. "I happen to be a Highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?", the bloke asks, "Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well", the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but Since you asked, I wrap my penis around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can Converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The bloke looks at the $500 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." "Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £50, just make the guy an offer!" The bloke offers £50 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he's insightful. The bloke is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the bloke. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a see-through black nighty and kissed him passionately." "WHAT???" the bloke asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up Her nighty and began kissing her all over" reported the parrot. "My God!" the bloke exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and Began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...." "WELL???" demands the frantic bloke, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "**** knows, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted January 6, 2004 Report Share Posted January 6, 2004 :yp: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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