Flashman

Some of my ex-colleagues and I debated dropping Fleet or animal laxative into an ex-MD's coffee maker, locking all the lavatory cubicle doors and watching the resulting, hilarious eruptions, which was surely worth £250 of Beadle's money. Again, mickey her drink, sit back and watch the fun unfold.

RBS, If I did that it would either be "too salty" or "not salty enough" believe me, you cant win with this one ! If you do it long enough, try varying your diet, see if she notices any difference...

Offer to fetch her a drink and monk in it. This may not help the overall situation but you'll feel a whole lot better

If you threatened to blow up Scotland if the ransom wasn't paid, we'd all let you do it.

It's nice to see some genuine frontier gibberish occasionally.

The sun shines on every dog's **** one day of the year, I suppose...

Are the French any more arrogant that the Scotch? Haven't seen it myself and I know where I'd rather go on holiday...

My understanding was that we shoot from the top of an elephant howdah, for a couple of hours, until it's time for tiffin.

I'm not a believer, nor do I attend any church and am slightly suspicious of anybody who does. However, most churchmen seem to want to do good, a rare commodity, yet most of the comments here mention child molesting. Either a majority of you grew up in Dickensian workhouses where such things were rife or you are simply uneducated and over-compensating for personal issues into which we need not delve. The loony cults deserve investigation, unless it's mine, where I get to live off the members and enjoy jiggy jiggy with the nubile sixth-form girls...

If you're looking for suggestions, what about sex tourism? A third world country that's cheap where an English passport and cash impresses the natives. May I suggest Scotland?

What's so good about Muck boots? I consider buying wellies every so often: they're easier to clean and lighter than field boots but offer less ankle support. How do these compare to Bogtrotters, for example?

Since when did we all become touchy feely, requiring PMs to share each other's pain? Frankly, I don't want to be told somebody's offended by my comments: it was almost certainly entirely deliberate, so tough luck. Good Lord, you'll be telling me next that I can't transcribe Bernard Manning's greatest hits without offending one section of the community or other...

This thread has produced a considerable amount of heat and noise but not much light. Is there a complete ban on any discussion regarding immigration, ethnic minorities and race generally? Personally, that strikes me as verging on totalitarianism and unacceptable. Alternatively, is this a complaint about the half-baked, barely literate racist diatribe spouted by some members when addressing any issue regarding gentlemen of the Commonwealth? In which case, "fair comment, you know who you are, cut it out." "Love thy Neighbour," starring Jack Smethurst, ended years ago, so get over it. Perhaps a more tactful solution is to remind members that making racist comments is unacceptable in a civilized country. Unless, of course, they're really funny comments, in which case...

If we are trotting out clichés, "storm in a teacup" springs to mind...

Have I missed something here? I failed to read any insult in Mungler's original request that members consider their readers when writing posts. What difference does it make if the writer is dyslexic, rushing to respond, simple or even (God forbid) foreign? To me, it seemed a perfectly civil observation, albeit grammatically incorrect. There was no malice or criticism implied or intended; when did we become so thin-skinned to even the most innocuous throwaway line? My main reason for rarely posting is that I cannot be bothered to analyse every comment that comes to mind before posting, for fear to upsetting somebody. Watch "Lead Balloon" (Thursday BBC2) and you will understand. Mungler is a friend and therefore I have taken the plunge on this occasion. On a related matter, can the system (by which I mean the IT gubbins behind the forum) automatically spell and grammar check posts before sending? Perhaps this will encourage us to review the content of our posts before inflicting them upon others..?

I find it's more, "what can't I eat now." I love stodgy nursery food and managed to (generally) burn it off in days gone by. Now, it's eat in moderation, which is deadly dull. No more Yorkshire pud, toad in the hole, sticky toffee pudding... A sad state of affairs.