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bobt
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Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square

ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl

crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a

pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets

synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat

green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the

digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel

really manly.

8)You're never quite sure whether it's against the

law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn

up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into

your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as

schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it

would kill you at the

first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee

flushed half way through and then raced against the

flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a

Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily

feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in

something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat

hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met

anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing

socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside

a thin piece of wood

specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their

nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip

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