Cash Machines

[Bazooka Joe]

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

 

 

After months of careful rese arch, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

 

 

 

 

 

MALE PROCEDURE:

 

 

 

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

 

2. Put down your car window.

 

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

 

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

 

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

 

6. Put window up.

 

7. Drive off.

 

************************************************** *********

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

 

 

 

1. Drive up to cash machine.

 

2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as

many times as required to align car window with the cash machine.

 

3. Set handbrake, put the window down.

 

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank

card.

 

5. Tell person on mobliephone you will call them back and hang up.

 

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

 

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive

distance from the car.

 

8. Insert card.

 

9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way the

little picture indicates.

 

 

10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN# is

written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN

written on the inside of the back page.

 

11. Enter PIN into cash machine.

 

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

 

13. Enter amount of cash required.

 

14. Check makeup in rear mirror.

 

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

 

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

 

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of

checkbook.

 

18. Re-check makeup.

 

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

 

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

 

21. Retrieve card.

 

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the

slot provided.

 

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

 

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

 

25. Redial person on Mobliephone.

 

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

 

27. Release Hand Brake

 

 

Bazooka Joe

[bindi]

:( :(

[johnskevena]

LMAO :(

[Pedro]

Yup, I've got one just like that. As we approach the toll booth for the QE bridge or Dartford tunnel, she waits until I'm frantically scrabbling in my pockets for a quid and then says, "Oh sorry love let me". Absolutely infuriating!

[hawkeye]

**** :( :(

[scaffman73]

Sounds about right to me apart from you mist out getting flashed for speeding and crashing into friends car or is that just my wife

[hawkeye]

Sounds about right to me apart from you mist out getting flashed for speeding and crashing into friends car or is that just my wife

Good old darebear give him stick :blink: :blink: :o :o

 

PS Is she who must be obeyed out tonight you seem to be on the PC for a long time :blink: :blink: :blink:

Edited February 5, 2006 by hawkeye

[darebear]

o yes, she who must be but frequently isnt obeyed , was at a gig at the carling academy in newcastle last night. he would have had a ticket but was supposed to be in nigeria when they were on sale. the **** sold out. at least he has you lot to keep him company when im not there :look:

 

and i have one thing to say to you scaffman......

 

oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

:look:

[darebear]

twas an accident *flutters eyelashes*

 

and twas only a tiny scratch after all

[beatingisbest]

:(

[pav]

:( Quality